There's always a "but..." to the story *sigh*

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I will try and keep this one short and sweet. On another website, I've been talking to this girl for a few years now. Currently she's 21 and lives about a six hour drive away.

Recently she told me that she loved me and wanted a relationship. I do have some feelings towards her as well.

There's always a "but..." to the story. Here we go...

Problem #1: her quote from yesterday - "well I know you don't like kids and I have them, but I'd be willing to try things with you if you want"

Problem #2: She's married to another guy. And wants to leave him for me.


I know, I know. I can't be fooling around with a married woman, stealing some other guy's wife. I don't want to deal with kids anytime soon, nor could I even support any. (I'm still living with my parents, which is bad enough.)

I foolishly suggested recently that I wanted a one night stand with her. I foolishly told her I had feelings for her, and would date her if she was single and kid-free. But alas, she's married and with two daughters. I foolishly put myself into this situation again, as the same crap happened 18 months ago.

So, how do I get rid of her? For good this time.

she sounds like trouble

just tell her straight

I had pretty much told her that I couldn't be with her because of the kids and the husband part. I did like her, but she's got too much going on for me to want to jump in with.

Then I tried cutting her off completely, got pissed off at her, told her to stop talking to me and delete my number out her phone. But she comes back two days later (yesterday) saying she wanted something still. Once again I said plain and simple, I don't want to be with her any time soon.

Ignore her. Stop responding to her. Do not answer your phone when she calls, she not open her email or PMs. Just delete them.

Maybe she will get the message and move on. If not, keep doing what you are doing. Maybe report her to the mods for harassment (if this was on another forum than a dating site or something).

I think that you should tell her the truth.

You cannot be in a relationship without both people's consent. So, you tell her you are not in Love with her and there is nothing she can do about it, she can tell you she loves you if that is true sand then you just say, "I know, I'm sorry," and if she loves you she will be sad but happy you are talking to her.

You can still talk to her and have the benefits of being friends with this girl you like. But, you don't have to see her since she lives 6 hours away you do not have to go out with her or anything.

If you don't want to talk to her that much then you can talk only when sghe starts the conversation.

But, if you like her then presumable she is good to talk to. That does not mean you have to date her.

If she does not hate her husband and is not getting divorced even before you knew she existed, then she is not likely interested in you after all marriage apparently doesn't mean anything to her. If that is the case she is looking for random sex or something.

Never delete e-mails without reading them. There is nothing ruder you can do (in general population) and this is what causes people to kill themself.

I thought he already did.

I'd stay away if I were you. This doesn't sound good at all. Here are the two problems you said there were.

. Based on these two things alone, I'm seeing more red flags than the Soviet Union. She knows you're not a good match for her (you don't want kids), yet she hopes she can have a relationship with you anyway. Any single mother who cares about her kids will generally not want to be with a man who doesn't want them. And two, she's married but goes for you anyway; that's cheating. While my morals are fairly liberal (hey, I see escorts from time to time), this is something I'd simply refuse to be a part of.

So do some soul-searching and ask your self questions. What makes you want to spend time with this woman? What do you hope to get out of it? Is it a serious relationship, NSA sex, or something in-between? How do you plan to relate to her kids? How will you react if her husband confronts you? Can you fight well or do you know a good lawyer?

All in all, don't get involved. Be a casual friend to her and an uncle figure to her kids (if you plan to spend time with her at all), but nothing more. Better yet, phase yourself out of her life and stop spending time with her altogether. Her actions bother me quite a bit, and it all could end badly for you. If you're desperate for sex and/or female companionship, this is a horrible way to get it. Instead, see an escort, or get on a dating site to find someone who you're sure you have a chance with (don't worry about your feelings in this case, just make sure she likes you).

She hates her life and probably has two other guys she has playing the same game too. Don't encourage her by answering her calls. I know you don't want to be a jerk but this situation seems too weird.

A few days ago I had blew up on her telling her to leave me alone. A couple days later she sends me a text saying she wanted to talk, asked if I hated her or not, if I ever had feelings. I told her plain and simple, I don't want anything for a long time.

She had defriended me on Facebook, only to come back a few days later and friend me again. I accepted, then later dumped her about nine hours later. But she now knows what I'm doing the weekend I was supposed to see her and another friend from that site.

trust your insticts. it looks like you know what is best for yourself - to avoid getting involved with her.

i don't want to judge her by her age, but for her to be married and almost separated at age 21, with some kids already, is a little odd. and the fact she wants an uninterrupted jump from one relationship to another, instead of regrouping as a single woman and then finding love.... also kinda strange. she must've gone straight from her family home to this guy, and now she wants to switch to another guy. honestly, it sounds like she is afraid to be alone - and you don't need someone like that!

best to keep your distance, which you seem to already know.

Update: this just keeps getting more confusing

Now she tells me she wants to be just friends, and doesn't want to lose me as a friend. Which is fine, since I don't want a serious relationship with her.

On the other hand, now she's coming in six weeks from now to Massachusetts for a weekend. She says she wants to go to Boston, would go regardless of my involvement in this. But she's pretty much using me for all her planning on this vacation, and I'm convinced this is more about me than a weekend in Boston.

All I keep thinking about doing is having sex with her, then having her run off back home where she can raise her kids and let her husband continue to treat her like crap. She says she'd consider a FWB situation - which I'd be alright with. But my mind is still not at ease.

you already got some great advice on here - people mostly suggested that you avoid this girl. you have ignored that advice and are still in contact with her and will even be meeting up with her? sounds like you are heading down a road that can't lead anywhere good. what advice are you asking for that you haven't already gotten? that situation is bad news.

I leave her alone, say I don't want to see her. But now she's coming for me. I wasn't asking so much for advice, just venting on the fact I'm stupid and let stuff get far too out of control.

can't you block her?

I just flat out told her I rather she not come out to Massachusetts, and that I only wanted to use her for sex and saw nothing more out of it.

She's unhappy with me. Hopefully she gets the hint to go away, longer than a few days.