Quid quo pro or do I ask her out and not look like an idiot?

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Right it's like this all I have had a girl at work who has for that last week or longer said "Hello" to me and also asked me how I am.

I also seem also get her smiling at me a lot whenever she sees me is is NT. She also said she has known other AS sufferers.

I am 30 and not had much luck with women and I am ever so wary of asking someone out and the thing is
this time it's someone I really like a lot not just looks wise but she also comes across as genuine which
to me is important if this is to get off the ground for me. I'd like some input to help me better understand
how I should approach her for a date and not look like a idiot when I ask her out!

Thanks for any help and advice given!

If you ask her out and she says yes, then who cares how you asked? (in fact, the more awkward the better; it makes for great future 'how I met my partner' stories).

If you ask her out and she turns you down, then she wasn't interested in the first place

If she's a nice person and likes you romantically, then you turning beetroot red and stuttering/suddenly losing the ability to speak English won't suddenly change her mind. And, unfortunately, if she's a nice person and doesn't like you that way, it still won't change her mind.

What will decide if you look like an idiot is how you react afterwards if she turns you down; if you smile and go 'no problem' and just carry on as before, then you won't look like a fool no matter what the outcome.

If you throw a hissy fit or get upset/insulted/traumatised or act as if she owes you a date because she smiled at you (I'm not saying you will, just that is the attitude of a lot of guys posting on WP), then you will come across as a total ass.

As for if she's actually interested or not, couldn't tell you. Never met the lady and even if I had, still probably couldn't say for sure. You'll have to either ask or wait until the office Christmas party and hope you get lucky

p.s. if she's a colleague at work, don't be surprised if she doesn't date you on principal. Mixing work with relationships can cause a lot of chaos if they don't work out, so don't take a 'no' personally.

Lene valid points we don't work the same hours so that's not too much of an issue I get the point about work and relationships.

As for me I don't give a fig about rejection it happens I have enough wisdom to just think "Oh well nothing ventured nothing gained she was not interested but hey not the end of the world"

I guess wariness is what bothers me the signals seem to say something positive so I kind of wanted it confirmed in my own head from other people I was interpreting the signals I had got
being right and not wrong and I have looked at how women interact with men and what way elsewhere well for the NT male. So the signals where there but I wanted to be sure that it was not
just my mind playing silly buggers with me!

Thanks for the thoughts and input I will see what others have to say and make my mind up as to what to do at some point soon.

*crosses fingers*

It's fine if you stutter/stammer/get embarrassed. It's also fine if you're brief and matter-of-fact about it. Either one is perfectly okay.

'Would you like to grab a cup of coffee after work?'

That might be too little, or it might be just right. Trust your gut reaction.

In general, you want a medium step, see where it goes, another medium step. Generally avoid both baby steps and giant steps (and please understand that I am primarily preaching to myself).

And a Tuesday night dinner is considered less "serious" than a Friday night dinner. And something Saturday afternoon is also considered more on the light side. Now, that may be what you want, it may not be. You need to be the one to decide that.

This. I have nothing to add. Lene, you're brilliant!


Cheers,

TH

aw shucks

Weighing in as a female--if you ask with a specific plan in mind, that's a pretty good medium step. Like "Hey, have you seen X movie? Want to go sometime?" It's less pressure than "Do you want to go out?" Perhaps this is just me (and my Aspie social awkward stuff) but plans that don't necessarily involve a lot of talking are easier than the making conversation that is necessary when going to coffee or the pub.

BTW: LazWolf that is one of the funniest avatars I've seen!

Thanks all the movie might be a good idea not sure but hey worth a shot.

I got the Avatar off a mate from collage and it kind of sums me up some days pretty well more or less is how I feel about some people in the human race and how they act around or treat people with our condition.

If that does happen, she may well be flattered that you like her enough to get a little nervous talking to her. I personally take it as a compliment if a guy blushes or stutters around me. It's the arrogant ones that think they're entitled to my company that I keep a wary eye on. Good luck!

Not done it yesterday because work was manic (I work in retail) I wanted to time it when she was not busy but not easy to do with so many of the public around and part of me feels it's a bit unprofessional to do it face to face. Any suggestions as to how to ask her with out compromising myself and letting other members of staff know what I am doing?

*pulls hair* I don't want to leave it hanging too long!

After a lot of consideration and thinking I have canned asking Steph out having learned her age today which is 19! That said she has me as a friend and I don't think that's a bad thing she is a lovely person and I hope to be a good mate to her in the future. So something good has come of it.

I will be posting another quandary to do with relationships soon it will be a bit more complicated than this fairly easy issue!

After a lot of consideration and thinking I have canned asking Steph out having learned her age today which is 19! That said she has me as a friend and I don't think that's a bad thing she is a lovely person and I hope to be a good mate to her in the future. So something good has come of it.

I will be posting another quandary to do with relationships soon it will be a bit more complicated than this fairly easy issue!

That seems like a big age difference, so, yeah, probably a good call! As far as friendships go, I have friends of all different ages (from early twenties to early fifties) but when dating/relationships gets involved, it's much more complicated.