NT Dating Behaviors

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I guess this could be a pretty good topic...

What are the NT dating behaviors you have no idea how they work? Mine is that guys and girls who are dating like to hit each other incessantly. What's even weirder is that my NT friends couldn't explain it adequately.

Stupid pet names! "My man" or "My woman" IMO I feel this is demeaning!! Someone on WP says it shows ownership so that guy/girl is "yours" but IMO it's wrong I'm not "your woman" I'm your girlfriend or use my name please. Sweetheart/honey at least wait until we tie the knot to use those you might dump me tomorrow. So Hey Brandy. Would work fine.

hmmmm. i'd say i don't understand why people (dunno if this is NT or just most people in general), don't say what they really mean.

if i am attracted to someone, i say so... and if i am not attracted to someone (and they want to know), i say so. i don't waste time with silliness so i totally don't get why so many people seem to.

Really much of what I don't understand centers on transitions. To me it seems men want a quantum situation where a woman is both wholesome and puts out on the third date....NT men that is.

I also don't understand why so many people love sushi and why the feel the need to list this on dating websites.

I don't see how they can get into each other so quickly either.

People like to list that they like sushi, because it gives them a sensation of exotic association.

Why do girls flirt with guys they don't even like? Why do both guys and girls cheat on their partners? Why is everyone expected to get married at some point?

I realise the last one is not strictly on the same subject, but it's still related.

I think all three of these are centered around self-esteem issues. Not in every case, obviously, but in many.

Girls who flirt with guys they don't like are often doing it to either feel better about themselves, or make the guy feel better about himself. It doesn't always occur to them that it could do emotional damage.

People cheat on their partners for all sorts of reasons, but in a lot of cases I think it's because they feel like they're not getting what they need in the relationship. They don't want to break up for whatever reason, but they need something from someone else. Revenge is also a big reason.

And many people from an older generation were always told that if you're not married you're just not good enough to get married, then they translate that to the next generation. That younger generation then feels bad if they can't get married for whatever reason.. like they're not good enough, even if that it's even close to the real reason.

Interesting observations.

The biggest question I have, though, is why do NTs play "games" with each other? Like "playing hard to get" and all that BS? I've never understood nor bothered with it.

It has to do with how the other person perceives your actions. Some guys won't date a girl unless she waits a certain number of dates to have sex/make out/whatever with him. So she has to show restraint, no matter what it is that she wants to do, if she wants to get anywhere with him. Girls can be the same way but with other things.

So - some guys would rather the girl make him work to get her. And, some people are trying to be someone they're not. I've never bothered with that crap, if you can't be yourself with the person it's not going to work out, I think. Other people are just manipulative and enjoy the game.

RE: The inquiry about why some flirt without planning to go any farther....

Could be a lack of self-confidence. (Afraid to go any farther.)

Could be an overload of self-confidence (You can stop any time)

Could be lack of time to go farther.

Could be part of the person's personality.

I couldn't agree more with this.

One thing I never understood as a child was the idea of dating itself. If you both believe you have good qualities and wish to start a family, why do you need to bother with dating in the first place? It's not as if being a smooth talker will ever demonstrate that you have any relevant personal qualities or parenting skills (though in an NT society, it certainly will be a signal of social status).

It was hard for me to accept that people actually want to engage in casual sex.

Another thing I still don't understand is why, in some countries such as the US, men still pay for dates.

Based on my conversations, only a very small minority of men would think that way. I have no idea where you're getting that opinion from. Most often, this sort of behaviour happens because the woman believes it will "separate the men from the boys", so to speak, i.e. distinguish those who are determined from those who will give up easily. It happens in all animal species that I fairly well acquainted with, including some insect species.

Some women flirt without planning to date because they see leading a man on, then rejecting him, as a form of "conquest". I.e. they rack up points based on the number of men interested in them.

I think the reason behind what you said is they use it as a self esteem boost and to improve their social standing. An alpha female must be attractive to all and be able to pick out the best to mate with. If a girl isn't getting that many advances from guys, she's gonna feel bad about herself because she's failing to attract potential mates. However most guys are looking for no strings attached sex. A girl can't afford this most of the time, she needs to find a guy who will please her and potentially take care of her and her offspring if she becomes pregnant. She also needs a guy who can ensure good social standing in the group at large. So yes she attracts guys and will reject those that don't meet her standards. When she rejects them she will feel good about herself that she made the right choice and avoided someone who would abandon her or worse. Thing is, it's a balancing act. If the girl rejects too many males, those males will move on to other girls and she risks not find ANY mate at all.

Not every guy admits this outright. But, either way, that is only a certain number of people. I didn't say it was everyone.



It's hard to know how well you get along with anyone, no matter what type of relationship you want with them, in a short period of time. You need time to really get to know the other person, whether or not they've been completely honest with you up front. Plus, people change. Some people change in a way that their boy or girlfriends can handle, others don't. Marriage is a BIG deal, you can just meet someone and get married immediately.

Also - casual sex happens all the time. Sex isn't a big deal to many people. Including myself.

Girls play "hard to get" because they are trying to gauge how much their pursuer is interested in them. Will they try harder to get them, or will they give up because they don't think they're worth the effort? Sometimes, they want to see how persistent and assertive their pursuers are. Will they be will to risk showing their feelings? In any case, one needs to be able to tell if the person they are pursuing is romantically interested in them, which an ability mostly based on intuition (at least for me). Also, NTs play games because they want to know how responsive you are to their actions or to see how emotionally involved you are. Also, some people are just jerks and like playing with people's feelings because they feel a sense of power by being able to influence another's feeling to such an extent. Btw, I'm an NT who hates it when people play games. I find it annoying. I can easily see through game playing and manipulation. I hope this insight is helpful.

Among NTs there is a lot of non-spoken language that means specific things. NTs usually understand signals that they send to each other, it is part of the way we communicate. They say that ~ 70% of the communication between NTs is non-spoken. Having been with an Apsie I now know that this language is usually not understood or used by Aspies. It is all a matter of knowing and establishing a laguage that can be understood by both parties. That's why I think it is a good idea to disclose to people you care about (and that care about you) that you are an Aspie, it makes things so much more simple and there is not all this confusion and hurt.