Confusing girl situation

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Here's the situation: I have a huge crush on my best friend that is a girl. We're both aspies and we really get along well. We are always spending time together and doing everything together. We're so close that everyone that we know thinks we're going out or somethings going on with us. Everyone asks about us and assumes that there's something when there really isn't yet. Both of us know about this and kind of just push it asdie and don't really discuss it that much. Neither of us have ever been in a relationship before. She doesn't know that I like her that way, but we've talked a few times about relationships and she said that she really doesn't want a boyfriend yet because she isn't ready for one and she seems to see me only as a really good friend. I recently told a mutual friend about how I felt, and she thinks that we'll end up together, and I should tell her how I feel. But, I'm pretty sure she only see's me as a friend. And if I tell her, I'm afraid she's want to distance herself from me and it will ruin our friendship, which means so much to me. But, I can't keep this from her anymore, it's really driving me crazy. We spend so much time together, that it's impossible for me to get over her, and telling her is very risky and not likely to work out. If I found someone else I could probably get over her. But the problem is that I won't be interested in someone else until I get over her, and I can't get over her until I find someone else.

Any ideas on what I should do? Distancing myself from her is NOT an option and simply getting over her will not work. Thanks.

That's a hard one. Everyone has gone through this at one time or another, I think. If she has plainly stated that she doesn't want a boyfriend or is not ready for one, there is really nothing you can do. Continue being her friend, and in time things may change. I have been on both ends of this scenario and I can tell you it gets better. You may end up together or you might decide she is more important to you as a friend than a mate. She might change her mind, as well. I wish you the best and I hope you have happiness no matter what happens.

Tell her how you feel.

She might like you and not want to admit it to you, even if you tell her how you feel. Some girls are just very very shy in situations like this. I wish you the best of luck! By what you wrote on your post, I think you guys might end up together too.

If she has AS and says she doesn't want a relationship right now..SHE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.

It doesn't get more explicit than that. Remember, many people with AS are asexual and really have no sexual interest in anyone and no romantic interest in anyone, and some may never become capable of experiencing those emotions.

You might question her on the subject of relationships to see if she still feels the way about them that she initially stated she felt...at least you might get some insight as to why she feels the way she does, but if her sentiments are the same as they initially were, then it's best that you do distance yourself.

Here is why.

It will likely save your friendship. If you try to push a relationship on her, explicitly or implicitly, you will push her away.

If you respect her boundaries, you preserve the potential that many years in the future, she might view you in a different, yet positive and consider pursuing a relationship with you.

You don't have to stop seeing her altogether to distance yourself. You just need to see her a little less frequently, and actively go out and seek other girls.

I was in pretty much the exact same situation as you about a year ago. I told her how I felt and she didn't feel the same way. However, our friendship didn't get damaged by it at all.

I say go for it.

Ok... this is tricky and very hard to deal with...

There is no "right" way of going about it, everyone will react differently, especially when you add the fact that they have AS...


That said... I had this happen to me, my really really close friend who did everything with me fell for me.... We'd hang out 6 days a week, do all our hw together, go for dinner, movies, lunch, hangout, etc. I really liked him as a friend. I didn't want to get into a relationship, and couldn't adequately explain this to him... he hurt because he couldn't get a straight answer out of me, because I was just petrified....

1) extremely hard for me to acknowledge feelings
2) even harder for me to talk about said feelings. I can type it up to people, but it will not come out of my mouth spoken. I will end up curling into a ball and shutting down for next few hours... this has occured and he couldn't quite understand why...
3) while he accepted me for me... he didn't understand, how I had quirks like I couldn't watch a tv show with him and stuff... he thought it was me pulling back and avoiding him and stuff... when really its just me being me...

He told me, and I didn't know what to do... I was suffering from depression (well still am, but worse then) at same time, and started freaking out and tried pulling back to avoid getting any further because I wanted to keep him as a friend, but couldn't communicate this to him...

But in the end, he noticed my withdrawal and tried confronting me about it (more in a worried manner, because I was dipping deeper into the depression... but his method of dealing with it was just wrong. (He tried telling me to meet him at x location, and I said I wasn't going, then when I didn't show up he got all offended. I asked him "So you think that just because you said you'd be there, that I HAVE to come?" "Yes." <--- that was the breaking point. You'd think if someone knew me that long they'd know not to ever tell me what to do.) So it crashed and burned and we didn't speak to each other again....

So....... I can see it going multiple ways...

can be all yay! I like you too! Lets date

could be something like I dont like you, but you manage not to push it and she doesnt get too uncomfortable and you remain friends

or could push into splitting >______<;;

I honestly don't know what you should do... but I think you should try understanding her stance on things a bit more... if she's adamant in not wanting a bf, don't push it, but if you think she might just be saying that because she's comfortable with what is going on now, and didn't really expect you to be interested kinda thing... then maybe try finding out... :X

I'm hardpressed to give good advice, because I don't want the same thing to happen to others (I "recovered" fine, but he got hurt, bad... and feel for him =/), but also don't want to scare them into not acting when something great can come out of it... :X

So... good luck >_<! !!