I can't cope any more

Post Reply New Topic

This has gotten beyond depression and maybe even beyond light clinical depression.
What I feel now is so mortally wounding I can't even begin to describe the pain.

I am so unhappy that I can't describe it.

My ex girlfriend is all that is on my mind for so much of the time.

And my mind is a minefield of problems - it will tease the hell out of me and I am a little masochistic so I'll use certain things to turn me on in a way that comes back to hurt me even more.

The pain is horrendous.

I just don't think I have anything any more that is worth a dime.

I wonder if the mad paranoia when I'm down could be associated with another illness that is being left unchecked?

Something is very VERY wrong... it's not just the fact that I'm no longer with her either... there are other problems going on here.

I don't feel like a human being any more.

Everything feels wrong and like it's trying to break me down, and flatten me some more.

It sounds like you might could be suffering from a depression thing. Relationship problems can sometimes trigger mental illnesses like depression. It might be a good idea to try talking with a doc/psych/counselor

OP, please contact a mental health hotline, or go to your nearest emergency room for help. None of us can diagnose you, but it's clear that you're in tremendous pain, and that you need the help of people who are trained to help, and close enough to do so. Take care of yourself.

I've never thought of contacting a helpline as such.
I am meant to be having some CBT soon but I don't know...
I just don't feel like there's any reason for me any more.
Nothing feels real.
It doesn't feel like anything will ever happen for me.
My feeling of self worth is attached to how much my ex girlfriend appreciates me half the time.

I feel like a failure.
There are so many things going on right now that I just feel so sick that I can't describe the pain.

All the cruelty of her not contacting me any more even if I feel clinically depressed in a state that is so chaotic it might even be slightly considered a bit bi-polar - I don't know.

Life is horrible right now - this is the worst I've ever felt.
My mind keeps me permanently locked in a state of feeling like a break up is always at day one of the process.

I can't move forward - it just never happens.

It's been almost half a year since the break up and it feels like day one.

I have pushed so much into myself that I think I've entered a state of depression I never should have entered.

I feel paranoid, like nature is trying to mess me up or thinks I'm weak or something.

I don't have the emotional capabilities to deal with what is happening to me.

I honestly think life should be like a film - relationship forms, problems happen, things go well in the end.

I miss having an ounce of joy during any day, because there is none now.

Maybe though all this is a process I should feel to become a wise philosophising type of person - many people who struggled became very efficient in their fields of expertise, so perhaps I'll be one of those successful musicians who looks back and thinks 'Yep - I needed to feel that to become this resourceful and have some emotional experience'

Someone please save me from this hell.
I just can't deal with anything now.

I am so sensitive, I'm more emotional than most conventional girls.

Gimme an emotional hug.

I am living with my parents, which kind of sucks when I think about it.
I want to live somewhere perhaps with some kind of assisted living, but hopefully with a flat mate or two.

You know, if you had suffered a physical injury that had become this debilitating to your quality of life, would you even think twice about having that injury treated? I don't think you would. You'd get the fracture set, or the surgery, or the physical therapy, and you'd get on with your life. So why are you refusing to seek help from a mental health professional to address this crippling depression/anger over the end of your relationship? You have to start figuring out how to cope with this break-up - without giving it the power to ruin your life.

I don't think it's helping your healing process by continuing to focus so much negative energy on your ex-gf. I understand that you miss her and want to reconcile, but her lack of desire to reconcile doesn't make her cruel. By continually reinforcing the idea that you're never going to be happy (or even feel better) unless she takes you back, you're keeping yourself firmly rooted in "day one" of the break-up.....and that's hurting you so much more than you need to be hurt.

I know it may be hard to accept that she doesn't feel the same way as you do, because she actually used to share your feelings. But you have to start accepting that her feelings have changed, and that she broke up with you because of that change. It's not her responsibility to support you any longer....and if you keep turning to her for support, you're going to keep being disappointed. Give yourself a break, and start looking for support from someone what can provide it, okay?

Who can provide the help though?
What should I do? Should I look for a new relationship?
Heck I don't know if anyone is at all interested.

I play Rock mostly.
The songs I write are acoustic melodic rock, I would say.
Music is something I have failed to hold onto recently too - I just start doubting my own credentials so much that I don't know what will happen for me musically.
I am getting closer to a low tier professional standard now.
I like what I write and I play well but I do lack depth in knowledge, and I haven't tightened up my playing to a very efficient standard yet.
I am on a good path musically in terms of ability, but opportunity is lacking and even if I were a great musician I'd still wonder whether or not I'm any good.

That's another problem - where I live is boring and lacks any kind of activity at all. There are no music opportunities here for miles and miles.

Well where I am in England is perhaps the most victorian esc boring area in the whole of England.
I should be beyond where I am musically anyway - I should be getting paid and stuff and I ought to have a few people in the world to talk to.

The area I live in is fit for my parents but not for me.