It is really unfair

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samtoo
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11 Sep 2010, 9:35 pm

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Last edited by samtoo on 12 Sep 2010, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

CrinklyCrustacean
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11 Sep 2010, 9:46 pm

samtoo wrote:

Now when I try to talk to my former girlfriend and keep the faith going to try to be with her again in two years or something, she gets slightly stressed with me obviously needing to rant and won't ever talk to me again.

The pain is unbearable.

It has been six months since the break up and I can't move on and I don't want to.

Help me...

I can't deal with this any more.
The cold shoulder hurts even more than arguments with her.
And a permanent cold shoulder is going to seriously f*** me up. She doesn't seem to understand me at all.

The pain is indescribable. I don't even want to live.

There is your problem. She's moved on and you haven't, and your refusing to move on is hurting you. Plus she's probably tired of your rants. There have certainly been a lot of them here.

samtoo
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11 Sep 2010, 9:52 pm

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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Last edited by samtoo on 12 Sep 2010, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

CrinklyCrustacean
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11 Sep 2010, 9:56 pm

samtoo wrote:

I can't help it.
When you feel low enough you can't do much else.

People have a limit as to how much ranting they can put up with. ToadOfSteel, as a classic case, has made dozens of posts here about how he is unloveable and many people have got tired of it. We all need to rant now and again, but not all the time.

samtoo
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11 Sep 2010, 9:58 pm

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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Last edited by samtoo on 12 Sep 2010, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

CrinklyCrustacean
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11 Sep 2010, 10:02 pm

Have you seen a counsellor or a therapist?

Suicide is NOT the answer. It is a permanent solution for a temporary problem and deprives you of all the pleasure and delight in life which might have been. I lost one of my schoolfriends to suicide five years ago. He was 16. I still wonder what might have happened if I'd kept in closer contact with him, and what could have been done anyway to prevent it. I know it hurts a lot right now, and there's not a lot I can do to comfort you, but if it's any consolation my uncle is 82 and unmarried. He is still a very happy and very lively man.

Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 11 Sep 2010, 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

samtoo
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11 Sep 2010, 10:08 pm

I have calmed down a bit now.
I will NEVER commit such an action but sometimes my emotions are so strong that I don't know what else to say.

I am very sorry about what happened. *Hug*

And thank you.

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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Last edited by samtoo on 11 Sep 2010, 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CrinklyCrustacean
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11 Sep 2010, 10:11 pm

samtoo wrote:

I have calmed down a bit now.
Aye I'll never commit such an action but sometimes my emotions are so strong that I don't know what else to say.

Good.

What you need to do is to stop basing your life around getting a girl. This year I moved away from England to a completely different country. I could never have done that if I had a girlfriend at the time, and I love it here. In any case, at least you have had a girlfriend. I haven't even had a date.

HopeGrows
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11 Sep 2010, 10:20 pm

OP, I hope you can find ways to soothe and comfort yourself through this experience. If you can't come up with ways to do that, a therapist can be very helpful in that regard.

Unfortunately, you ex-gf is your ex now, so you can't count on her support in the way you used to....that's part of breaking up. She must be an understanding person, because she has been willing to try to help you through this for six months - but her understanding has limits - and you're approaching them. You've got to start the process of healing, and building a new life for yourself. Good luck.

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samtoo
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11 Sep 2010, 10:23 pm

HopeGrows wrote:

Actually she hasn't been understanding at all really. There have been very very few episodes of her lending an ear at all.

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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
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Happiness never decreases by being shared.

HopeGrows
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11 Sep 2010, 10:41 pm

samtoo wrote:

Actually she hasn't been understanding at all really. There have been very very few episodes of her lending an ear at all.

Well, it's been six months and she's still taking your calls. But clearly, she's reached her limit....she's not going to be your source of comfort at this point in your life. You've got to come up with a new plan.

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samtoo
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11 Sep 2010, 10:43 pm

lol only because I try REALLY hard to talk to her with almost a hundred calls from time to time and stuff.
Trust me - she hasn't been understanding.

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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
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hyperlexian
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11 Sep 2010, 11:56 pm

samtoo wrote:

lol only because I try REALLY hard to talk to her with almost a hundred calls from time to time and stuff.
Trust me - she hasn't been understanding.

there's unfortunately no reason for her to be understanding at all. it isn't nice of her, but logically you two broke up and she wants to move on.

i had the same thing happen to me, and the guy was sort-of nice to me for a few months, then he intentionally hurt my feelings to push me away from him. it worked; i moved on. now i understand he had no responsibility to be nice to me at all once we broke up.

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Chronos
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12 Sep 2010, 12:04 am

Honestly samtoo, I'll try to be as nice as I can...but I don't think it is unfair, because we are not promised in life that the person we love...or think we love, will love us back. But what is unfair, is if we blame them for it.

You say she doesn't understand you. But it sounds to me like you also do not understand her. Consider for a moment that maybe you two are just inherently incompatible. That the life you think is possible with her, really is not a path in the universe that exists. In other words, maybe she really isn't your soulmate? Maybe she's just a close second and you have a real soulmate out there who you have the capacity to feel just as strongly for, and has the capacity to feel just as strongly towards you. Who you understand, and who understands you.

And maybe it really isn't this girl you hurt for so much, but maybe there is something about mere rejection or perceived failure that is causing you so much pain.

I think you should speak with a counselor.

samtoo
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12 Sep 2010, 12:09 am

Yeah emotions and stuff really get to me.
I am going to bed now. Thank you everyone.
I do feel a bit better right now.

Goodnight. ^^ *Hug*

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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.

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