hello...transitioning relationships

Post Reply New Topic

Have not been around here in a while..
I was finally able to muster enough strength to dump my ASish friend..no matter how much I cared for him, he was always gonna treat me badly..and I am so glad I was FINALLY able to snap out of it...and bloody move on with my life...it took me a long time...because i was somewhat emotionally hung up on him and I was sorta his enabler...etc...when he just really did not care for me in any way that could postively affect my life.....I have not been able to speak to him in quite a while...

One of the catalysts was sorta meeting somebody else...and now I think we are sorta dating...cept now I am terrified that I am gonna be overbearing and alienate him...

If fact, I think it might have already happened...and due to my really sh***y "Theory o Mind" and all my other issues, I get hung up on dumb little problems and whatnots...
I can be pedantic and repetitive and overbearing....

For what it is worth, I never pegged him in the first place to be an ASish person..I do not recall ever really speaking to him..but his face always sorta jumped out at me.
I am a ukulele video maker...it is one of my "obsessions", that is why i have over 600 lousy videos.....but i am a mediocre ukulele player and make no bones about it I ujpload all sorts of silly nonsense........meanwhile..he is um...a super good (way better than me ukulele player...AND a really super intelligent person....I have very little education, because I could not afford it...and really had difficulty with the ummmm,,,,,,,bureaucracy...and the dragging myself, unsupported through community college for some semesters before it became too much of a hassle..Though I always made really high scores on those dumb aptitude tests..
He, on the other hand has a computer science degree....
He may be more "NT" than I am, but he rocks the way I do...and he maybe has a few AS-ish traits here and there....He did go to classes when he was young that helped him with various issues...maybe including slight speech delay...etc...Where I didn't have stuff like that at an early age....
I do have a lot of nervous energy when i am around him, and have at least sorta used it to his benefit..my stim is rubbing his back and he seems to like that...

AND he is a bit of a musical genius....He exposed me to his music..and I think that it is brilliant and would be a fan of his stuff even if we were not romantically involved..
He has a large volume of really great songs that are largely unknown and um...howyousay....
blah...ever since I got to hear them, I want other people to hear them...

But I guess I have already been too agressive,,,and he might have given hints that I am scaring him off...but I really have no idea for sure....I really need to learn to chill and be aloof....and i wish I was better at it...rather than always having to get so anxious every time I start something with a new person...

meanwhile....Flakey's girlfriend just had a baby girl...yaay..wheee!...fun times...

Well, I can't offer relationship advice because I'm an idiot in that department, but I'm glad you were able to end it with the guy who treated you so callously. I am the same way if I'm interested in someone, I want to breathe them and drink them virtually.It's hard to pretend you don't feel what you feel. It's ironic that if someone seems that way about me I want to run away and I immediately freeze them out.

Congratulations on the new relationship and getting rid of the old one! *breaks out the bubbly*

You probably know this; the more you worry about your relationship, the more it will show and you'll accidently become over-clingy. Try not to worry if you can; your guy sounds as if he likes you, so everything's good

Yeps...must not let get self tripped up by damn "mind blind" thing...

I'm so happy for you. You deserve this! Best wishes.

Best of luck to you with the new relationship. I hope you both find all happiness you deserve. Congratulations. Hope does spring eternal!
Thanks for sharing your story!

He is really nice...thus far...I am still perpetually tripped up by my own overly-self conscious self...
I really have a hard time knowing what to do with myself, or knowing what he thinks of me...so it still causes me a lot of anxiety...

We have a good time when we are together...or....at least I have a good time....but afterwards....when he drops me off...I generally become consumed with anxiety.....and it messes with me a lots...

Just do deep breaths and do things you like/your interests, pampering things, and remember that he is nice. It is hard when you come out of a difficult situation to not feel anxious in new relationships. It is something you will get better at with time.

I (hah) have ummm..been trouble finding empathy for my friend who I broke up with...I mean..some of you who know me from this forum know the sorts of emotional mud puddles I was dragged through... It was often quite harrowing for me...I had sent all his stuff away long before I met my friend..who I had actually seen roundabouts for years..cause I always recognized his face..even though I didn't know his name..I still have feelings that are muddled up and complicated..I had written songs about it and all this other stuff...before I ever met my new friend...but meeting him is sorta what really helped me snap out of it...and we started out as just "pen pals" on Facebook...and I told him that I was in a difficult situation...with a micro-managing business partner/ex-boyfriend (who's girlfriend just had a baby)...annd...then my ASish friend..who I hope I can be friends with again someday...but I had had enough of feeling lonely and stressed out over him all the time...My new friend and I are still mostly "pen Pals" and it works..because at least I have a line of communication other than muddled phone calls that didn't always go very well...and visits that could often be snarly and hostile...(referring to my ex)..it was not all bad...just bad enuff to be hurtful enuff for me to realize I could not drag it along forever...