To Date or Not to Date

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Upon reading the forums, I have seen the recurring motif of posters who maintain they are lonely (and yearning for a shot at a romantic relationship) but their fear paralyzes them into inaction.

It begs the question, which is the lesser of two evils: (1) taking a shot at dating knowing full well you can get rejected or (2) giving into the loneliness and just not even try?

Any takers?

I had given up hope a long time ago and just given in to the loneliness. Stopped trying. But I still longed to be with someone, and hated the loneliness.

Right now I'm at an unhealthy mixture of both.

I think it's best to always try.
I hate to quit on anything and i'd been rejected many times by guys.
But I kept asking, and being myself and i've found a lovely man who knows all of my flaws and loves me regardless.
All it takes is time and effort to find someone special.
Never give up.

Obviously (1).

In my case, I'm actually willing to give it a try. I just have no idea how to go about meeting people.

I'd rather not have to go "on the pull", as it were. I'd much prefer to meet a girl through a mutual interest or acquaintance. Unfortunately, my social circle is very small (few friends, no siblings and not a very large extended family)

I'm moving to London soon, so maybe there'll be more for me to do there, and maybe that'll help me meet more people of the female persuasion?

(2.5) giving into the loneliness because you just cant find anyone worth spending your life with, and just not even try anymore.

If fear is all that's stopping you, just get over it. The risk of short term embarrassment is worth the opportunity at a relationship. It's basic economics really

Go for it! No risk, no reward.

My philosophy is to orient my plans around whether or not I meet someone good in the first place. The closest I get to making a definitive stance is how often I make the effort to get out to possibly meet someone. For me at least, this is the overall healthiest choice.

I think it's better not be interested in a relationship. Wanting a relationship has caused me a lots of drama these last 6 years & I never even got one date. I've ruined a lot of friendships with women by asking em out. I belive I would of been better off now if I wasn't interested. The odds are completely stacked against me & some other guys here. Also keep in mind that most relationships fail; the majority of marriages in the US end in divorce & that can get very messy

Sometimes taking the chance is worth it.

Date.

Almost all problems are solved by simply giving up, being lonely is way better than having a relationship that takes too much effort.

i'd say don't give up. i was rejected lots of times, but i kept trying because the reward was worth it. i was very straightforward though - i didn't mince words or play games, so there was no ambiguity and the awkwardness passed fairly quickly.

Rejection caused lots of problems for me because women started getting really b!tchy with me about it. I worked with a couple of em who started making my job very difficult afterward. I worked in retail doing custodial stuff & they started having lots of spills & then giving me evil looks when I went clean it & then badmouthed me & my department. i was so glad when those women quit. You should NEVER ask out anyone unless your in a position where you can avoid em after & not have to see em

I'm not giving up, but I'm not actively looking either. Relationships have their good points, and I'm not just talking about sex and the fact that the world economy is geared towards paired living.... a relationship (a good one) provides inspiration for personal grownth and achievement. It provides another opinion on ... everything ... and can provide insights into both the self, as well as personal pursuits. It can provide feedback and constructive criticism, positive feedback when deserved, and negative feedback when important...

I could go on, but I'm probably getting too analytical. Relationships can be destructive and exhausting too. If the one you find is more work than it is inspirational, then consider it may not be well balanced.

And when you do find one, realize that you need to be active in providing the other person with that positive feedback mentioned above. That's where I've always failed to keep relationships going - I never realized I was failing at it. It was recently brought into focus for me (from many different angles) that I was not nourishing my partners.

Most of this was likely due to the inability to read body language, social language, and needs. Also in not realizing that most people don't have the same sense of security / self sufficiency that I have, and need more reassurances than I have been inclined to naturally provide, that they are wanted / needed in my life (something that is difficult, since they are not needed, but are appreciated - appreciation doesn't always communicate itself naturally).

yes, excellent advice!! !! !

... which i didn't always take. but i worked with older, more mature people so it was different. sort of. maybe. or not.