Is It Just Me... ((Not too certain if this has been posted))

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Is it just me, but I find it hard ((EXTREMELY HARD)) to either have a full-on relationship with someone, &/ or mantain one. I just so happen to be a 28-year-old, wanting to settle down & marry. ((All within the proper context of someone courting me first, THEN dating/ marriage))! !! !! !! !

I am rather sick-to-death that I haven't found someone "substantial" enough where I currently live ((Ventura, California)) that wants to date me, but be my friend first, and foremost!! !! !! !!

I am that extremely beautiful young lady ((so I've been told)) & furthermore, I am qutie the socialite. It rather scares me s***less that I would absolutely be able to settle down ((within those proper context, obviously)) & be able to adopt grandchildren ((just don't ask why I cannot biologically reproduce children... EXTREMELY LONG STORY, honestly speaking)) BEFORE BOTH my parents pass on!! !! !! !! !! !!

Does anyone feel similarly as I do??? Please respond back with aiding help...

Signed --

EXTREMELY DESPRATE FOR TRUE FRIENDSHIP & TRUE LOVE!! !! !! !! !! !

No, It's not just you. Most of us women with AS have the same problem. I know Ventura County, and generally speaking, there is not much opportunity to make friends with someone or find a dating partner outside of high school.

The guys who aren't dating there are usually married with children.

At least that's the impression I always got in my 27 years living there....but then again maybe that was an illusion from the AS?

My advice to you is to get out of Ventura County. Don't move to LA. Don't move to San Francisco. Try New York. Or Austin, TX or any other place on that list of best cities for singles.

No, it's not just you. I can't keep a relationship either. :/

ummm i understand your pain, a socialite and extremely beautiful? that sounds a bit over-the-top.... some guys are really turned off by girls who think too highly of themselves, and it may be that you are giving off that kind of impression to them... perhaps a bit more of a humble approach would bring more success?

Not just you.

I'm a successful guy. Social, smart, good career, sweet home, etc etc.. My AS traits used to be pretty obvious when I was younger. Now people don't even suspect I'm different.

I compete in endurance sports and I did some modeling, so very good looking.

And yet and yet, my love life is basically a revolving door. Date someone for a few months and she wants to be friends and move on. They've all called me a great guy and nice and whatnot, but not one woman has ever fallen in love with me (crush on first sight? oh yeah!). And believe me it isn't because of my words or my actions. I know how to make a woman laugh and how to keep her engaged and kindle a romance. It is always lack of love, and thus a desire to explore what/who else is out there.

I just broke up with someone 7 weeks ago. Again. <Sigh.>

What's up???

It is you. The arrogance and entitlement have to go.

It might help you to read up on Histrionic Personality Disorder.

I have to agree here, not to sound harsh. I've been harsh on men who say that sort of thing, but you come across to me as full of yourself.

I have problems keeping relationsips, but I think it is more me than aspergers.

Please elaborate how she sounded arrogant , because I fail to see anything arrogant in her post.

She sounds desperate ...but arrogant?

hyperlexian sumed up why she sounds arrogant and I have to agree with her and primaloth.

I'm 32, never been in a serious relationship. NT friends could not understand this; for AS friends, it seems pretty par for the course.

Hang in there.


Cheers,

TH

Last edited by tomhead on 12 Sep 2010, 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Okay...

Just to clear things up, here...

I have HFA-ASD, and will have HFA-ASD until the very day that I die! It's just that flat-out, concrete, plain and simple... ABSOLUTLEY NO OTHER DIAGNOSIS is involved, or at play here!! !! !!

As for me sounding "full of myself:" I am OBVIOUSLY not attempting to SOUND full of myself... & my sincerest, full apologies if it came across as that!! !! !! !!

What I meant by me saying ((stating)) that I am very much the "social butterfly" and am extremely beautiful, doesn't necessarily come from me ((for believe you too me, my self-esteem is STILL at that all time low, so how can this come from me, necessarily??! !! !!)) it mainly and PRIMARILY comes from others whom view me, and watch how I "enter" into the world about me!! !! !! !

With this plainly and frankly said, all that I am plainly asking, flat-out is for anyone's aiding hand ((upon the Wrong Planet Form Boards)) in how I can keep and mantain that concrete loving relationship within the context of dating, first and foremost.

Labels are for jars & flower pots!! !! ! IF ANY 1 of you are to call me another label other than the one that I've learned to accept to accompany my biological name of Katherine "Kat" Alison Taylor ((my HFA-ASD)), then extreme shame upon you & your souls!! !! !

You may not attempt to sound full of yourself but you did come across as that and maybe something similar is happening IRL.
A suitable man sees you and thinks about trying to get to know you better however as you seem so selfconfident/busy with social butterflying issues he thinks you are way out of his league/dont have time for him and he runs away scared of rejection and being mocked.
This problem can be solved by trying to think about your flaws every now and then. We have all got our flaws and once a man sees you are not so confident of yourself he is likelier to approach you and ask you out.Mocking your own flaws is also acceptable and the last time I succeded asking a girl out was by making fun of my own flaws, however Im not sure if this works on females.



Im sorry if you thought anyone was trying to label you, most of us are only trying to help others but every now and then someone gets offended at our advice. I can only say we are doing the best we can and Im sorry if this advice isnt helpfull.

I'm not sure she intended to sound arrogant but I'm sure that if someone else described him or herself in the same way, she would find that person's attitude to be unattractive - and then she would understand it.

I usually make a very bad first impression as people view me as arrogant (but I'm really not arrogant.) So I deliberately play up my flaws (call myself clueless, etc.) in a fun way so that my friends or my partner will laugh at me and it usually removes the negative impression of my words or actions.

That being said, beginning and maintaining a relationship is very difficult and takes two people who are willing to accept each other as they are. It is not easy to find someone who is willing to do that even if both partners are NT.

Personally, I think a sincere and plausible egocentrism is incredibly hot.


Cheers,

TH

Tomhead - I think I understand what you mean. I would respect a person's egocentrism that is not masking a deep underlying insecurity. Arrogance is not a deal-breaker for me in my friendships or relationships.

it totally is a deal-breaker for me. i don't associate with people who are openly arrogant or self-centred. even people who "know" they are really, really beautiful - i don't care if such people look like [insert fashion model name *here*], i would not associate with them if they were so outwardly focused on that beauty.

i don't think ANYBODY in the world is truly THAT beautiful anyways, that they should hold hemselves i such a high regard. some people are beautiful, and i am sure they are told that on a frequent basis. but as soon as such a person starts to define themselves by that beauty, they are no longer living in the same world as the rest of us. everyone has flaws, and focusing too much on the positives will definitely push most people away (but not all people, apparently.... perhaps it matters if the person is a woman?)

i have to say that a couple of weeks ago, a man posted a similar thread, and he was annihilated, yet this female poster is only getting about half of the negative responses. odd discrepancy... makes me wonder.