22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man With....

Post Reply New Topic

Hi folks,

I'm reading 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome, by Rudy Simone. I'm a NT and my man has AS. I am currently reading this book and I'm finding that it has some really good information. I want to discuss this with my Aspie partner, but do so in a way that won't overload him. Any advice? Also, if you have read the book, what are your thoughts?

Thanks in advance!

_________________
Victoria

discuss it with him doing the dishes (washing dishes), that way you don't have to be looking into each others eyes, or any activity where he is focused on one thing but is free to talk.

sorry..cant comment, got stuck here

I read it...short & pretty broad in terms of how it describes things, but I wouldn't say it was a total waste.

I'd be very careful about taking the information in that book at face value. Rudy Simone isn't a scientist. She isn't a psychologist, or a medical doctor. She doesn't claim to have any training in the scientific method.

It appears that what she's done is taken anecdotal and experiential evidence and extrapolated it to fact - and that approach doesn't withstand scrutiny. I've read excerpts of that book (posted on this website) and thought, "Well, that's a bunch of crap."

The reality is that Aspies can't be that easily categorized. While Aspies have some common neurological disabilities, they're also the product of their environments. Their behavior and psychological health is influenced by their families, when they were diagnosed, services/therapies/treatment received, abuse, acceptance of and willingness to deal with AS....the list goes on an on. "22 Things" attempts to distill all of that down to a checklist, and it just doesn't work that way. (There are also other "checklists" of characteristics that float around: Aspies don't lie; Aspies don't cheat; Aspies don't understand humor; blah, blah, blah. It's just as valid as saying, "All women do this....." or "All men do that.....") Aspies are individuals and their symptoms, character, psychological issues or lack thereof, coping skills, etc. vary from person to person.

...

My advice, share the book with him, and discuss.

However... It might be more productive to go over things in a more technical sense, as in the size of working memory and focus and stuff like that, and ask him to explain what it means.

We train ourselves once things click. It's all about finding the roots and seeing for ourselves how they affect us.

I agree with the previous posters. I think you'll learn a lot more by reading a general book like Tony Attwood's guide or just looking through the topics here.

Hi all,

Thanks for your input thus far. I know the book does make generalizations, but I was warned. She mentions it in the intro and actually apologizes for it. Also, Simone mentions that she herself is on the spectrum.

I bought the book not for it to be a "be all and end all" type of thing, but in order to help open the lines of communication. Last night, my Aspie came over and we hung out and read sections of the book together. I had written questions in the margins to ask him as he read, such as "do you find you act this way when you're in the situation", etc. He is enjoying the book and is not afraid to tell me that things don't apply to him, but is also very surprised how bang on some things are. It's leading to some good conversation. He was diagnosed as a child, but he never really knew what that meant and if he was still affected by it. A couple of months ago I sent him some information online and it opened up a whole new world for him. He's starting to realize why he behaves in certain ways and it's fantastic to see him grow in self-awareness.

I'm a teacher with a psych and have worked with several kids under the spectrum (from those severely affected and non-verbal to children and teens with Asperger's). I haven't had too much experience with adults, which is why I decided to order the book and see what it has to say. I would prefer more references to support what the author is saying. I do know, though, that the book isn't scientific but more anecdotal.....which is also mentioned in the intro.

I understand it's flaws and limitations, but I'm also finding it useful. Thanks for suggesting some further reading. If you have any other titles, please let me know. And of course, please keep commenting. Thanks again for your time and help.

_________________
Victoria

aspies don't lie or cheat...

I do, lots, and I am damn good at it too!
book fail

my aspie ex-lover definitely lied (about loving me) for months and months and months...sigh.

Oh, I see. Thank you for clarifying that for me.

_________________
Victoria