Sorry.

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I had a bad reaction to a medication on Friday that got nearly got me in to deep trouble in real life because of a very aggressive personality change where I lost control of myself. Now that I have figured out that that was why I was sick and acting crazy I may be able to return after a few days, but I still don't think I'm totally back to myself because I haven't thought of anything funny to say so I may stay away from here for a few days until I think I am back to being myself.

I have noticed that while I was messed up I posted something I should not have posted and I am very sorry for posting it.

I started posting about a topic and left it on the screen, after about two paragraphs in I must have come back to it and starting rambling offensively after the bad reaction.

That is not how I think and after reading it I know I was not myself when I wrote that. I apologize for that ever being posted. That isn't me. If I ever want to offend, I do it in a light hearted manner that is meant for humor instead of trying to be inflammatory.

It would be bad L & D etiquette to not post some sort of L & D topic to discuss so I will present the question that I meant to ask while I was still mostly sane if that's what you'd rather discuss.

I'm not sure I'm back to coherence yet so I hope I get this right, but, the basic idea was that I wanted to know is this: why do people sometimes assume that someone who has little success in the dating game should be treated like a pariah?

First I had a bad reaction once and I can only describe myself as the love child of Daffy Duck and the Tasmanian Devil. I am usually very mild mannered but then I was full of undirected manic rage. So I can see how this could happen to you.
Second, I don't know. Maybe people feel threatened. It comes so naturally to them and they suspect there must be something wrong with you. That makes them want to expel you from the group. Just a thought. I am 53 and have never had a long term relationship.People used to quiz me all the time about why. I felt like saying," I don't know, you tell me". So many people said there's no reason why I couldn't. I got dumped every time but the relationship that produced my son. I think people im relationships expect their partner to be able to uphold their end socially and I was too quiet and odd.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "treated like a pariah", but I can think of two possibilities:

If you mean stay away in general - some people might assume that someone who, say, is said to made it to their mid-20s without a girlfriend is mentally disturbed and thus bad company. Many people reach snap judgments and aren't fair. The best you can do is just be a good, kind person and achieve things in other ways, and make friends with people who don't shun you. Complaining about people who ignore you has a Chinese finger trap effect.

If you mean that some women don't want to date you - I've seen some reasoning along the lines of "if a man at age xx [often an age in at least the mid-20s is speculated] has had no experience, then clearly other women have had good reasons for not wanting him, so it would be bad judgment for me to go out with him" (which is a fallacious argument, but whatever). I've also seen some reasoning along the lines of "I don't want to have to teach a man who has little or no past relationship/sexual experience how to behave". Sometimes you encounter people with the opposite viewpoint, though these tend to be religious no-sex-until-marriage types which I'm not into myself.

I've expressed anxiety on these forums before over the possibility of dating someone, and things looking great, only for it to be over after I admit my lack of past success. All I can suggest to those with similar anxieties is to not be up-front about it early on, and at least until the question of experience explicitly comes up, because I believe people are less likely to judge you in a negative light over these kinds of issues if they already know and like you. I treat all sensitive personal information in this way and it's worked OK for me.

I read your other thread, it was a legitimate question but you ruined with the last sentence " Is there any reason that helping such a whore avoid being raped makes me seem like such a fag?" ---> this was unnecessary , uncalled for and offensive and you ruined a smart question.


I made a similar thread before , asking that there are a lot of men who are jerks yet have gfs , and there are a lot of men who women-haters and macho yet they have gfs , and there are a lot of men who aren't very successful yet they have gfs.

While not being any of those types might increase the aspie guys' chances, there's still something missing and being any of those types doesn't necessary rule out the possibility of having a gf (it should be , but in real life it's not!).


We have here a lot of single aspie guys , some of them are nice , some of them are successful , some of them are misogynist , some of them are jerks .....so all of them must have a common problem and it's this common problem that users often don't talk about (and they should talk more about it) , it's probably the lack of social skills or the lack of experience as hector mentioned before.

On other hand, like I said above, there are a lot of NT guys with the same traits but always had gfs.

Hope I'm not side tracking the topic a little bit here but I'd debate that social skills and lack of experience is still a bit too optimistic. From my observation I really think its what AS does to our body language, the core of who we are in terms of how we feel the world, and a lot of the more secondary/tertiary effects of going through living with this that separate us out. I don't necessarily know that its a reconcilable difference, social skills or experience can help smooth it over a little but I don't believe that to be the critical mass of the situation anymore.

BTW, GOF, I'm glad you said something. Yes, you didn't have to but it typically is better in some situations to explain a situation rather than bite the bullet. I have a feeling anyone that's known you for a long enough time and who's read your posts may have been confused - probably more worried than anything - because they'd realize its out of character. Overall I'd just say take it easy and rest up this weekend, hopefully you'll get back to equilibrium by Monday or Tuesday.

All right, I think I'm almost back. This might be a semi necro at this point.

I'm not sure I reworded what I wanted to say correctly last time.

Expulsion from groups is a big part of it. I am not necessarily talking about myself, but for example in some white collar workplaces, it seems to me that a disproportionate number of the employees are married and have kids. To me it seems that it would be considered a plus in a job interview to be married and have kids even though from the employer's standpoint that shouldn't be a good thing because someone like that would want more money for less time because they have a family.

Pariah was the wrong word, I'm thinking something more subtle. I'm not necessarily talking about myself. I have just made observations about the social patterns of people who are clearly in relationships as opposed to people who don't and I notice a trend where people who aren't in relationships can be excluded from situations where relationship experience doesn't seem like an important factor and I'm not sure why. I'll try to think of examples.

Yeah... I'm kind of aware of that, that's what I am apologizing for. As I said, I had a question I wanted to ask but I wasn't satisfied with what I put so I left it on the screen for a while, after the bad reaction I eventually came back, ruined my question, and then posted it. I have a dark side, and I know it. That part doesn't even match my dark side, that was completely out of left field for me.

I think our posts were similar, but I think yours was more about why someone would have trouble and what I want to aim at is more about why someone who is having trouble gets additional problems.

I wasn't expressly referring to AS with this particular topic, but this is very close to what I think about AS.