who should i choose?

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I have what seems to be a moral dilemma. There are two girls. One is a girl I barely know, yet I already can tell she probably has AS. The other is a normal girl who has been my best friend for a few months who's fighting to save her relationship with her boyfriend. I can sense that it's almost over between them, and I think I'm falling in love with her. She knows about my condition and she still treats me like a human being.(and I'm talking completely un-biased here, this isn't the only forum I subscribe to thanks in part to her) I'm falling in love with her.

So the question is: Who should I choose?

Honestly, let the friend STAY a friend. Doesnt matter if she was NT or aspie, if you're good friends you should only want her to be happy and if she has a boyfriend she's trying to keep, help her. If she goes after you its a different story. Then it is ok to see where it will lead. If you go after her tho, it could ruin your friendship PERIOD. Get to know the other girl and even if things dont click, who knows, she could still be a good friend to have. Trust me as a guy who's ruined 2 great friendships because he thought it could go further then it could.

Be careful here.


1. Girl #1 (with the boyfriend) may be placing you in the dreaded male friend category.
2. Girl #2 (without the boyfriend) hasn't placed you in any category so it's open season there.
3. Although you know Girl #1 and feel super comfortable around her, she may not be comfortable of the idea of getting close to you and starting an intimate relationship after the breakup.
4. Girl #1 has already shared the emotional baggage of soon-to-be ex-boyfriend problems with you and may continue to do so after the relationship ends.
5. Girl #2 doesn't have any shared emotional baggage with you and if she's AS, it might be better. If she is AS, you'll have to take the initiative in asking her out. You should do that anyway...you're the guy.
6. If you end up going out with Girl #2 and Girl #1 finds out or you tell her, she might be jealous. This is where it can get confusing. Girl #1 might not want to or might not be ready to start a romantic relationship with you, but she may feel as though you betrayed her by going out with another girl. This could damage the friendship and/or any chance of an intimate relationship in the future. So don't tell her.
7. If you really feel like you'll be happier with Girl #1 and you want her to know, tell her so. One way to do this is to say, "I've noticed that our friendship has been getting closer lately. I'm always so happy to be with you and I want you to know that I'm starting to have feelings for you." Don't tell her that you're falling in love with her because that might scare her off. She'll probably take the lead after you tell her. She'll either tell you:
a. she just wants to be friends
b. she's had a secret crush on you

I hope this helps. Go out with Girl #2. Tell Girl #1 that you have feelings for her.

-Ann-

Keep your friend for now. Even if she lost her boyfriend today, you wouldn't want her on a rebound. You can always see about moving to a different level in your relationship another time.

Don't be a rebound!

The problem with dating your friends is, if it doesn't work out, you risk losing a friend. Just being supportive might be the best thing for now - only go for her if she's definitely single, definitely over the last one, and you are fairly certain the relationship won't crash a few weeks in. (Note - being in love with someone is not the same thing as being able to cope in an intimate relationship with them.)

Also, remember that just having AS is not enough to guarantee a good relationship. Have a go at getting to know or asking out Girl #2, but be realistic and don't assume everything will be easy. If anything, the fact that you both have AS might in some ways make it harder for both of you.

Either way, good luck, and let us know how it goes. I hope this post wasn't too negative in tone. (Sorry if it was.)

If it really is love you wont have a choice, because you can't choose it. Unless you're really superficial and it's all about looks. But I doubt you are.

Don't date a friend if you can help it, and definitely don't be the rebound. The former is risky; the latter will almost certainly doom your friendship.

I don't know enough about your current relationship with the other girl to really comment or offer advice.