And People give me crap about this....

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I'm the type of girl that says that image is very important in dating. Why would I date a guy who's going to embarass me with bad looks and bad personality. I need a guy who is what I call "Amazing inside and out".
I love guys who fit a certain degree in atractivness. I'm not too strict on what you have to look like but still you must be attractive in my book. I don't what to be made fun of for dating a guy that isn't attractive to most women. Just think of it like this would you rather be seen with a guy who is...
A.
-Scrawny
-Scraggly
-Doesn't know how to dress
Or
B.
-Has some but not too much muscle
-Is well groomed
-Dresses like a guy(Street clothes not what his mom picked out)

If you chose B, I think we are on the same page.

As for personality. I don't wanna be seen with a guy who doesn't know how to act. Manners matter in my case. Guys who are sexist douche bags aren't right for me. However a guy that is considerate, kind yet still acts like he has some clang-clangs, is what I'm looking for.

Does this make sense to anyone?

My husband is fat and he wears the same clothes all the time because he doesn't have very much. He is a nice guy and a good man. He does shower and wear clean clothes but we usually do laundry on the weekends.

I would rather have a fat man who treats me with respect and accepts me for the way I am than a man who is a jerk and is thin and handsome and doesn't like who I am.

I go for personalities and what kind of people they are than how they look.

I get what you say. I disagree with it, but I get it.

For me, personality is what matters though. And I don't mean acting a certain way which "isn't embarrassing" either.

*shrug* I usually can't tell if someone is hot or not until I get to know them first. Then their appearance accents their personality. It's icing on the cake really. If it's a really good cake, you won't need icing but if it has it, all the better.

Damn, now I want cake. XD

Why would you care what others think of your partner if you are happy with him.

I'm certain that you might find a man with good looks and personality but being "amazing inside and out" is tiring in the long term. Most people don't have the stamina or desire to keep up appearances for the sake of their partners and their partner's friends.

What will you do when your partner gains weight or develops a health problem? Will he have the right to hold you to the same high standards and expectations?

I think you set your standards way too high. You make it sound like you won't settle for a guy who is less than perfect. If you lower your standards a little, more dating possibilities will be opened to you.

You seem to be a bit of a perfectionist.
I do think it's important for the man to be attractive in my eyes, he might be really naff looking but to me he's still the most georgous man on earth. I don't care if he's classically good looking or not as long as I find him attractive.

the vast vast majority of the time, its just the two of you (and kids if you have them). the amount of time spent in the company of other people is small, especially so if one or both of you are autistic. why base your life around what others think in that small amount of time they see you? instead, worry about what happens the majority of the time when its just your own family. i certainly dont put much stock in whether a man is scrawny, scraggly, or knows how to dress, since none of that affects how he treats me or my kids, or whether he is a good man and father.

i think you also need to pick a better class of people to hang with, if you are "going to be made fun of for dating a guy that isn't attractive to most women". besides, whether OTHER women find him attractive isnt important, its whether YOU do.

so no, none of that makes too much sense to me. i pick a mate for ME, not for other people. and the people i choose to know wouldnt make fun of my choice if he made me happy.

so whatever boyfriend you have, it sounds, you're with him for you to be able to experience yourself and your life better. It mattering how others would think of you, with a man without the very best image.

I can relate initially, but meeting someone with a unique connection unlike any other who has such wonderful qualities and is caring and a real heart for you is beyond the outsides, I have been learning. l agree with the other person that you are the one spending the time with them. a lasting relation.

Here's a cake:





But yeah, I agree with you on that actually. I think my perception of what's hot is different from the mainstream, too, because I think all those models are as ugly as s**t.

Thanks for the cake!

Yeah, I usually don't find most of the actors/male models & singers attractive either. I see how they behave in the media and I'm turned off. :/

I've had friends criticize who I have gone out with in the past based on their appearance. "Him? Ewww, he looks so creepy and weird" but I've also had friends who viewed the same guy and congratulated me for hooking a hottie. It's all relative. If YOU think he's attractive, that's really all that matters.

Exactly, that's all it comes down to in the end.

I think you show a lot of confidence and self worth for not settling for what you consider less. Possibly a bit too worried with what other people think but I digress. I don't know how old you are but as I have gotten older I find I am looking for different things than I was at 18. 34 now and if I could just find a woman that wasn't married, hasn't been with 6000 dudes and could carry on a conversation past the bar talk I think I'd be ecstatic.

Chaincase - Age does change priorities, doesn't it? I wonder how many people would admit that they felt just as the OP does when they were younger? Nothing wrong with not "settling" though. I wouldn't want to have to live up to the expectations of being "amazing inside and out." She is likely to find a few Mr. Amazings for the short term anyway since it is likely that she would be very critical of their looks and actions as dating progresses. But I see nothing in the OPs message that indicates she is looking for a long term relationship. To each his/her own.

This right here makes absolutely no sense to me. Why does it matter what other women think so long as you are attracted to him? Why is the opinion of other women even relevent? Is your actual goal to make other women jealous??? I can't relate nor even understand this mindset one little bit.

Janissy - It seems that OP is the female equivalent of the man who needs a trophy wife or girlfriend to show off to indicate his high self-worth that can lead to higher social and professional status. Perhaps OP only associates with people who would view her attractive boyfriend as an indicator of her worth? Seems shallow to me but the opinions of her friends are more important to her than anything else.