How do you overcome the fear?

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I'm always afraid of talking to people, especially without any other legitimate reason to. I can't bring myself to talk to a woman I don't know unless one of two things happens: 1) we're involved in a group project or other work-related assignment together, or 2) she talks to me first. Once one of those two happens, I can talk just fine, but otherwise, I'm afraid of being the victim of a restraining order or other legal action, or otherwise something else like this:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RBYgEZqrJs[/youtube]


I know most women aren't like that, but it's almost impossible to tell which ones are dangerous without getting to know them first, which perpetuates a vicious cycle that leaves me afraid to do anything...

I dunno if it's so much about overcoming it, as it is knowing that fear is there, and making yourself act in the desired way despite it.

If I could only practice what I preach more often...

Practice your social skills! Talk to everyone. If you engage women in a conversation only when you find them attractive and you want a date out of it, then yeah you'll never get anywhere.

I keep repeating this on WP: talk to cashiers, talk to baristas, talk to people waiting for a walk signal, talk to your neighbors, talk to people in the elevators, and at the grocery stores. Talk to everyone. Don't even bring in a boy-girl specific dynamics until you improve your social skills because you'll just fail over and over again.

Stud: hey baby let's have sex!
Her: OK!! !!

You: hey you wanna grab coffee or something?
Her: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!

Sorry but that's how it is.

I don't get it , how this advice:

Stud: hey baby let's have sex!
Her: OK!! !!

You: hey you wanna grab coffee or something?
Her: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!

Sorry but that's how it is.

Really? I thought it was pretty obvious. Socially awkward is perceived as creepy in the context of flirting.

^
No, but getting away with it without being slapped can be a reflection of good social skills. Ergo, "the stud" will have the confidence to do this and will know with whom and in what circumstances he can do it without getting in too much trouble.

Sorry I was posting at the same time as Janissy.

Are you trolling me, or do you really not understand? If you don't understand I'll be happy to explain.

Only about 25% of the communication between two potential partners is verbal. Socially inept people are unsure with their words, and they are completely unaware of the rest.

A woman can read insecurity, ulterior motives, poor self image, desperation, while the guy is chatting on about the weather. Just like a man can read whether or not a woman is interested while she's going on about how much she loves Jimmy Choos.

EDIT Oh wait I get it. It's the whole AS-people-take-things-literally thing, isn't it? 'Hey let's have sex' was an exaggerated EXAMPLE. I didn't mean that literally. It meant that a guy with good social skills can make demands on a woman and she'd be interested in hearing what he has to say. Toad would be rejected immediatelly.

99.9% of women aren't like that!

You should read the thread on how not to be a creep and then realize that women are humans first.

There are plenty of neutral situations that you can speak to women in.
For example, checkers at markets are usually game for some minor, short chit chat while they are ringing up your stuff. Sales reps, because you can talk about the product they're trying to sell. I know it's not the type of conversation you would ultimately like but it's good practice.

In the commercial, you might notice that the man did about three things that might scare a woman.

1. He approached from behind.
2. He entered her personal space.
3. He announced his presence when he was already in her personal space, and sharply.

But that's all covered in the how not to be a creep thread.

Chronos, the challenges faced by the OP are pretty deep. I don't think people here, and especially women, appreciate how debilitating profound social ineptitude can be. I was set to reiterate my thoughts on this but it's all been said and I'm WP'd out for today so maybe tomorrow.