Do I fit in in the dating world?

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Jookia
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26 Sep 2010, 3:15 am

I assume I'm a nice person, modest, honest (I don't tell lies as they ALWAYS come out or cause a burden on me), don't cheat, enjoy kissing and cuddling and don't really care about how a girl looks, just what they are inside.

Is there room for guys like me in the dating world?



nick007
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26 Sep 2010, 4:32 am

I'm sorry to say this but women typically do not go for guys like that though lots of em claim to want one. They'd rather be with a guy who's the opposite. I'm kind of the same way as you OP but I've been looking for over 6 years & never got so much as one date. Women think of me as one of their girl friends that they can turn to to talk about the guys that they do want


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Jookia
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26 Sep 2010, 11:55 pm

nick007 wrote:
I'm sorry to say this but women typically do not go for guys like that though lots of em claim to want one. They'd rather be with a guy who's the opposite. I'm kind of the same way as you OP but I've been looking for over 6 years & never got so much as one date. Women think of me as one of their girl friends that they can turn to to talk about the guys that they do want


That's what I've heard before.



countzarroff
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27 Sep 2010, 5:02 am

You can always try studying abroad. Leave your country for a couple of months and see if another culture does you justice.



Tsiiki
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27 Sep 2010, 7:51 am

Well... Australia may be a bit different than the states... so who knows

But really... you won't know until you try. Don't sell yourself short before you even try... if you suspect that you're no good (you're only fifteen, you have plentttttty of time to find someone to date) and won't even try... you'll never know for sure, will you? Besides even if you keep thinking because you're a "nice guy" and girls don't want "nice guys," that can also lower your confidence more perpetuating the cycle... do yourself a favor and forget about any preconceived notions about whether or not you'd be good at it... and just go for it!

And yes, there are actually girls out there who are into nice people, and aren't just out for the badboys :roll: Hopefully you find one of them (I have a feeling a lot of these "nice guys" who can't ever get gfs is more because they never speak up and make their wishes known... like they become friends, but too scared to tell them how they feel, and rather remain friends so keeps going on.... that and they don't often exude confidence and stuff... no matter, there are still nice guys out there w/ gfs, and girls who actually (not just pretend) want them.)



azbluesgal
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27 Sep 2010, 8:46 am

Jookia wrote:
I assume I'm a nice person, modest, honest (I don't tell lies as they ALWAYS come out or cause a burden on me), don't cheat, enjoy kissing and cuddling and don't really care about how a girl looks, just what they are inside. Is there room for guys like me in the dating world?

1. advice - look for the very smart, athletic girls who don't follow the crowd and "do their own thing" (translation - seek out the cute geek girls and talk about their interests). Physical "affection" (hormones) is a LOT of fun to explore but only when both minds are present and working. :wink:
2. experience - went to hear my favorite blues band last night with a couple of friends. I was having a great time just listening to the jams, socializing with my buddies, and these YOUNG guys started hitting on me. One was kinda drunk, hitting on any woman he could (blech!). :twisted: Another one tried, but could not even carry on a decent conversation. Like if you came to hear BLUES, you should know SOMETHING about the subject, right? Or at least have a plausible story of where you're from and what you do...ect..
Bottom Line - BE YOURSELF. be polite. there is no reason why AS guys can't develop sophistication. or just be around people you actually LIKE and feel comfortable around. It doesn't change when one gets older. It's the same old crap but it's Fun to go out and have a good time. :lol:



Lene
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27 Sep 2010, 8:54 am

Jookia wrote:
I assume I'm a nice person, modest, honest (I don't tell lies as they ALWAYS come out or cause a burden on me), don't cheat, enjoy kissing and cuddling and don't really care about how a girl looks, just what they are inside.

Is there room for guys like me in the dating world?


Maybe the dating scene isn't for you? The guys I know who are nice (i.e. not players, don't follow some idiot dating advice off the internet) don't do 'dates'; they generalY end up going out with a nice girl from work or college. It may seem like a long time before you meet someone, but long-term it's better than dating some random stranger (especially if looks aren't important).



nick007
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27 Sep 2010, 3:36 pm

Tsiiki wrote:
And yes, there are actually girls out there who are into nice people, and aren't just out for the badboys :roll: Hopefully you find one of them (I have a feeling a lot of these "nice guys" who can't ever get gfs is more because they never speak up and make their wishes known... like they become friends, but too scared to tell them how they feel, and rather remain friends so keeps going on.... that and they don't often exude confidence and stuff... no matter, there are still nice guys out there w/ gfs, and girls who actually (not just pretend) want them.)


Those girls may have made the mistake of dating bad-boys in the past & have kids & lots of baggage as a result. I do speak up & tell women I am interested in em but I kept getting that same line about how they only want to be friends & they keep coming to me to for emotional support & when I make a comment about liking another girl or something; they get upset even thou they insist they are not interested in me. Too many mind-games & to much drama


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Tsiiki
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27 Sep 2010, 4:27 pm

nick007 wrote:
Tsiiki wrote:
And yes, there are actually girls out there who are into nice people, and aren't just out for the badboys :roll: Hopefully you find one of them (I have a feeling a lot of these "nice guys" who can't ever get gfs is more because they never speak up and make their wishes known... like they become friends, but too scared to tell them how they feel, and rather remain friends so keeps going on.... that and they don't often exude confidence and stuff... no matter, there are still nice guys out there w/ gfs, and girls who actually (not just pretend) want them.)


Those girls may have made the mistake of dating bad-boys in the past & have kids & lots of baggage as a result.


Not all... Maybe a good portion, I don't know, I don't know too many people (specially girls)... but don't know any that are like that...
*shrug* I have to admit... I also find it rather difficult how to classify a person as a "nice guy" and my ideas of a "bad-boy" doesn't seem to happen too often irl... so I can't accurrately say how many ppl I know are/have dated "bad boys" vs. "nice guys"

As for me though... I've never dated anyone, so no mistakes or baggage in that regard... and had a friend interested in me before, but didn't want to date him because he IS more of a "bad-boy"... I don't see whats so desirable about that, not reliable and egocentric, etc... He's a good friend, and fairly attractive, but... not exactly the type of person I'd like to be in a relationship.

On the flip side, the only person I bothered falling for happens to be the nicest person I have ever encountered in my life (online, or offline, girl or guy... he's insanely nice, and fun, and nonjudgemental and accepting), overall one of my best friends... who I can't help but to like >.> so should he try to ask for something more, I'd be hardpressed to say no.

Quote:
I do speak up & tell women I am interested in em but I kept getting that same line about how they only want to be friends & they keep coming to me to for emotional support & when I make a comment about liking another girl or something; they get upset even thou they insist they are not interested in me. Too many mind-games & to much drama


But then on the negative side... for me at least, I have done this, because I was 100% honest about it (the only wanting to be friends thing). I didn't want to date *ANYONE.* Period. Unfortunately for them, they might not have understood it (or believed me) when I said that... its been years since someone last tried thankfully, so wouldn't feel guilty about dating aforementioned person.


But really... when it comes down to it, its whether or not the person is attracted to or likes you or not. Some people don't believe that friends can't make good bfs (for whatever freggin reason that is, I don't know... I honestly prefer having been friends first... because I know they already accept me, and don't have to be a nervous wreck all the time). Its great if it does work out, and if they do like you back or willing to give things a try... but its not like just because they're female, they should like you and want to date... :X

I do understand though if you're a really good friend, and while they *MAY* like you, they may feel like if things don't end up well they just lost an awesome friend... which could suck! Still... stupid if they get upset because you mention liking someone else =_=; suck up your neediness and shut up about it, if you said "no, I don't want to date you, sorry" then you don't deserve the right to let them know you're jealous about liking someone else.... I can see how they may feel that, but thats just screwed up if they let you know it =___=;

I've had that happen with guys... told a friend that I like said-aforementioned person, and he was upset because it wasn't him.... well dude, you're going on and on about how you want to date a mutual friend, and mention all the other dates of ppl you've gone on with... if you like me, let me know (eventhoughIdsayknowsoheprobablyfiguredit), don't get jealous when you're all over the place =__=;;;



Yasmine
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28 Sep 2010, 5:57 am

Of course theres room for you. Most guys I dated had those qualities.

But you know.. women are not mind-readers. They can't know you are those things by looking at you or even talking to you, and some of them only when you are already dating.
And also.. the things you listed are either minimums for human decency (niceness) or your personal preferences (kissing cuddling). They're not your "problem" if you have one... but not the solution either.