Well guys, I comitted a blunder.

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nthach
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10 Oct 2010, 2:09 pm

Me and a classmate were talking about a girl in our class we're friends with and I hung out with her a few times. She's looking for a boyfriend. However, I heard from my classmate/friend that I might have blown my chances with her but I may have an opportunity to recover and try again. The blunder here was that I took her out to the movies and I couldn't keep my mouth shut and making comments.

I know movie theaters aren't my thing, but are we aspies just that inconsiderate about social cues? The girl in question is the same major as me - information systems. She's into computers(duh), video games, movies, the orchestra, and comic conventions. After the movie and concert "dates", we hung out on and off and we talk to each other when we run into each other, I had lunch with her last Thursday as a coincidence.

I wish there was a way I can "condition" myself for these situations.



Aimless
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10 Oct 2010, 2:12 pm

You don't know if you turned her off or not. Your classmate is just telling you that from his own perspective or perhaps for his own purposes.



Yasmine
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10 Oct 2010, 2:25 pm

nthach wrote:

I know movie theaters aren't my thing, but are we aspies just that inconsiderate about social cues?


No, we just have a harder time reading others. Some aspies seem to take that as a free card not to try and then blame everyone else for not catering to them.
We can learn it... it just takes a while and you know... you actually have to care.



nthach
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10 Oct 2010, 3:02 pm

Yasmine wrote:
nthach wrote:

I know movie theaters aren't my thing, but are we aspies just that inconsiderate about social cues?



We can learn it... it just takes a while and you know... you actually have to care.

It's just so hard to. I wish there was a something like a mock date or something that lets us practice working on our social skills and get immediate feedback on doing so...



RyanS
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10 Oct 2010, 3:20 pm

It's okay to practice on real dates.

The ultimate goal is to be comfortable with each other. Honesty about your thoughts and feelings gives a good chance for a good foundation for a good relationship, romantic or otherwise, and you won't feel pressured about hiding whatever aspect of yourself.

However, if you like her, you can remain honest but adjust to her preferences in small ways, or big ways if it's important to you. Practice helps a lot, and so does spending some time considering what she wants.

One thing she is likely to want is simply knowing that you care enough to do something for her.



Tsiiki
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10 Oct 2010, 3:22 pm

nthach wrote:
Yasmine wrote:
nthach wrote:

I know movie theaters aren't my thing, but are we aspies just that inconsiderate about social cues?



We can learn it... it just takes a while and you know... you actually have to care.

It's just so hard to. I wish there was a something like a mock date or something that lets us practice working on our social skills and get immediate feedback on doing so...


A lot of counselors actually do this.... maybe try seeing a counselor (you're in a college, so should be able to get one provided for free) or psychologist...

I know one of the ppl I saw wanted us to do this... go to mall and interact with ppl learning off the psychologist... I was a big *HELLNO,* but you may find it beneficial... I also know I did a mock interview because I was too petrified, so co-op department set one up for me to help me...



nthach
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10 Oct 2010, 3:31 pm

Tsiiki wrote:
nthach wrote:
Yasmine wrote:
nthach wrote:

I know movie theaters aren't my thing, but are we aspies just that inconsiderate about social cues?



We can learn it... it just takes a while and you know... you actually have to care.

It's just so hard to. I wish there was a something like a mock date or something that lets us practice working on our social skills and get immediate feedback on doing so...


A lot of counselors actually do this.... maybe try seeing a counselor (you're in a college, so should be able to get one provided for free) or psychologist...

I know one of the ppl I saw wanted us to do this... go to mall and interact with ppl learning off the psychologist... I was a big *HELLNO,* but you may find it beneficial... I also know I did a mock interview because I was too petrified, so co-op department set one up for me to help me...

I'm actually going to see my psych nurse practitioner on Wednesday - maybe I can escalate this to the next higher level.

As for the girl, I have some feelings for her. I can do some non-drastic changes to my personality.