How do you know if you love someone?

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I've been in a relationship with a man for over a year now, and I'm trying to figure out if I love him or am just "going with the flow'. He treats me well, has never been pushy and has generally been a great guy, but I'm still not sure. I'm afraid I'm staying with him just to spare his feelings or to avoid being alone for life (running outta time here, I'm 28 and a overweight aspie. Frankly he's my only non-family social contact at this pt). But I'm also afraid that I'm just not used to a functional relationship and am just afraid of putting myself all the way out there, or am just being self destructive, wanting to push away the only man who's been worth a damn.

Personally i think if you're in love- you'll just know.
but thats probably a stupid-simplistic view.

ehhh problem is on the occasions I've "known" the feeling wasn't mutual. Or it was a destructive relationship, (not REALLY destructive, but enough for me to reflect latter and realize I was better off without the ass). I really don't trust my own judgement anymore. >.>

I definitely care for the guy, but the tone and discussion seems to have changed, and I'm not sure how I feal about it. "If we" has become 'when we" and individual future plans have become joint ones. The other night he asked me to start thinking about the possibility of having a child in 5 yearish. We've both been anti-children, but now that he's employed and making money, apparently he's been thinking better of it and is officially on the fence.

If you have to ask you don't. I know this seems a bit harsh but no one can tell you your in lone. You just know it. Theirs no questioning it. Sometimes it may take you a bit to find it for a person but when you have it you have it and no one can ever tell you any different.

You feel really weird.

This is what I meant. (:

I was married twice. My first husband was an aspie bastard whom I loved. My second husband was an aspie human being whom I didn't love even when I married him. After living with him and letting him nurture me, I love him utterly and would kill anyone who would try to stop it. We're together now for 18 years. We have an eleven year old son. I have a son from my first marriage who is grown and on his own.

You see something beautiful in people that you didn't before.

I like this answer.

when one is in the pure loving mode, one forgets oneself and just loves anything in sight, regardless of its qualities. another's happiness is one's happiness. another's welfare is one's own welfare. the more love, the wider the inclusive group of love-ees. the widest love of course, is agape, and only one entity possesses the pure form of this rarified trait. but some mere mortals come awfully close. but most fall far short of this idea, with many strings attached to their loving if in fact they ever feel love at all, for anybody. many people are capable of loving only things and not beings.
when you love another person, you want only to become part of that other person. what they want is what you want. you think not of yourself but of the other person. when they love you back you are in heaven on earth. you could not imagine life without that other person.

i have never experienced this so i can only brainstorm on it, and i am sure many would say i was "thinking" with the opposite end.

Last edited by auntblabby on 14 Oct 2010, 12:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

yes, yes i do.

Yeah see, I really don't want to be the girl that only falls for the Bastards and emotionally unavailable, which has been my record untill this one.

Love is overrated. Love is an emotional connection that compares favorably to a drug-induced euphoria. It is a magnificent feeling to experience, but like all emotions it isn't meant to last then you're left to decide whether you actually like this person you are with. The important question to answer is "do you make each other happy?" Does life feel easier and more pleasant being around each other, or is it more a burden to bear? Does he challenge you and make you grow as a person or is it more of a codependency? Do you actually have respect for each other? Most people fall in and out of love so easily that basing any long term relationship on love isn't responsible. Sort of along the lines of taking up smoking because it relaxes you and you think the girl behind the tobacco counter is cute, only to find you're left with a nagging cough and the girl has been replaced with a big sweaty guy named Frank.

That's about right, IMHO. There's no sense in worrying about whether or not you're "really in love." There's no one particular emotional attitude that you have to achieve before you can declare yourself fit to commit to somebody. Better to stick to assessing how happy you seem to make each other, and how unhappy your differences are likely to make you. One sign (for me) is when I lose all conscious sexual interest in other women - if I still feel that interest, then I know my feelings for my partner aren't what they should be.....but that probably only applies to people who choose monogamy as their way of life. I suppose if you aren't interested in anybody else, your decision has already been made, it's the partner or nothing, so it'd best be the partner.

I would want to be very careful if I were considering anybody as a partner and was besotted with them, or "in love" as it's often called. Because it can blind me to their faults, and I know from experience that I won't remain blind to them forever......that leaves me wide open to being later accused of entrapment - "you never objected before, but now you've got my commitment you're turning up the expectations!" Sometimes it's better to take a bit of time out from seeing them......it's counter-intuitive because of the risk that they'll lose patience and go elsewhere, but if you can have a break then you'll probably start seeing things more objectively. So in a sense, being in love is for me a sign that I shouldn't jump in and commit 100%, which is paradoxical, but blind commitment isn't likely to last, unless you happen to be very lucky.

I think it's normally a very accurate statement.
If one is not in very in touch with one's emotions though it might be difficult to tell.

In my case: I just, as you said, know. It's hard to explain, it simply is.

You know you love someone if you would do anything for them...