Do women not like aspie guys?

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is that why aspies have dating trouble? esp aspie men. or is it more because of aspie men's shyness?

I think it's the shyness issue. Why would women not like Aspies?

consider for a moment turkeys and peacocks

Hi donnie_darko,

Speaking as an Aspie who met his first date and his first real friend (the same girl) at college, dated occasionally since then and has now been happily married for over five years, I've found the situation to be a bit more nuanced.

I've certainly missed some opportunities by not picking up on signals, and others by alienating people. (Btw, you don't have to anger the girl herself to lose your chances with her; pissing off her roommate, friend, family member, etc. will work just fine!)

On the other hand, if you appear just shy enough to be sweet and demure, many women go for that. Also, if you don't pick up on early signals of interest, it can have the same effect as playing hard to get - which can be a good thing.

Confidence, however, is a good thing. The more and better social skills you learn, the more confidence you will project.

Hi donnie_darko,

Speaking as an Aspie who met his first date and his first real friend (the same girl) at college, dated occasionally since then and has now been happily married for over five years, I've found the situation to be a bit more nuanced.

I've certainly missed some opportunities by not picking up on signals, and others by alienating people. (Btw, you don't have to anger the girl herself to lose your chances with her; pissing off her roommate, friend, family member, etc. will work just fine!)

On the other hand, if you appear just shy enough to be sweet and demure, many women go for that. Also, if you don't pick up on early signals of interest, it can have the same effect as playing hard to get - which can be a good thing.

Confidence, however, is a good thing. The more and better social skills you learn, the more confidence you will project.

I think with NT women they pick up a vibe off men who are different. It's such a grey area between aspie and NT, I think its more about being different than being aspie.

I am attracted to different guys, but he has to be a different guy who suits me. So not all of them.

What I've been wondering about recently is this. I see places on the net where scores of women get together to talk about how awful their life is because they're married to an AS man. They've even invented a mental illness -- Cassandra Syndrome -- that they claim devastates the lives of those who are "foolish enough" to marry an AS man.

But I can't recall seeing even just two men anywhere online commisserating about how awful it is to be married to an AS woman.

Is this because men and women deal with marital dissatisfaction differently? Women by finding some cause in the man and blaming everything on him, be it workaholism, AS, wandering eye, whatever and men in some other way besides getting together and complaining about how their wives are ruining everything? But I do see men getting together and complaining about other things. Like I've seen a group of men go on and on about how their wives won't let them buy the rifle they want. Or the electric guitar they want.

Is it something to do with how AS manifests differently in men vs. women?

Is it something else entirely?

I'm really baffled because I really like the AS men I know and don't see that much difference between them and the AS women I know and so I wonder why it is that there's almost a cottage industry surrounding complaining about AS husbands but near silence about AS wives.

Do you want to know if NT women don't like aspie guys? Or do you want to know if NT &/or Aspie/Autie women don't like AS guys?

Or even NT women...although there is the odd hint or two about how insufferable many of them are.



Well, I think you've nailed it!! !


Yes. It's how our culture manifests itself differently in men vs. women. The 'vs.' is a clue. I believe that naturally we're supposed to work together, to fit together. We evolved to compliment each other. But the power eilites that run the world have different ideas..they divide and conquer, always looking for any means to create and access cheap labour and to create problems that require us to buy stuff to fix and make our lives bearable.


It's much the same with NT's. Hasn't research proven that women just complain more in general? Seriously, though, there is a taboo against men complaining, regardless of AS/NT. We are told it is unattractive and relationship suicide....so many keep quite until they commit actual suicide.

I wouldn't exactly say that, I've been quite lucky to have the chance to have the girls still liking me regardless if I'm an aspie or not and she thought I was gonna die from it when I first told her I was autistic, but then it got stronger, but it just didn't work out.

The one I got now has been there for a while and longest lasting and plus she still likes me and she knows I'm an aspie and she is one, I don't know if that still counts?

@Sparrowrose, you seem to be attempting to boil down the complexities of Aspie/NT relationships to some simple axioms. Unfortunately, that approach will sacrifice accuracy to achieve simplicity.

Men and women often deal with emotional issues differently: women tend to be more verbal (in general), while men are typically less verbal. That could easily explain why you see women writing more about their feelings online. If you look at at lot of "relationship" targeted website communities, you'll find that the vast majority of those sites are populated by women. (Check out Sugar - you can count the men on one hand.)

Unless you've performed an exhaustive study of the internet, you really can't make an accurate assessment about how many men are complaining about their AS partners. I can tell you, however, that your conclusions are off-base. Marriages fail for all kinds of reasons, not the least of which is typically a lack of communication between partners. Women are no more likely to blame their partner for the failure of the marriage than men are. It's not about biology - it's about the emotional health and intellectual capacity of the people involved. Some individuals take responsibility; some don't. Some are willing to work to save the marriage; some aren't.

The bottom line is that marriages can't be saved by one partner - both have to be just as committed to that effort in order to be successful. I think the only accurate conclusion to be drawn by your observation is the confirmation that women are more verbal than men when dealing with problems.

I didn't realize I was boiling anything or laying out axioms. I had thought I was asking questions. My mistake.



Well, I'm not Google. But I've been Googling and reading about asperger's online obsessively for the last decade. That's about as exhaustive as I can get. Sorry.



Which conclusions?



That was, indeed, one of my suggestions. I still find it odd that I don't see men in any quantity complaining about how impossible it is to live with an AS wife.

"Is this because men and women deal with marital dissatisfaction differently? Women by finding some cause in the man and blaming everything on him, be it workaholism, AS, wandering eye, whatever and men in some other way besides getting together and complaining about how their wives are ruining everything?"

^My impression of offering a two-sentence explanation for a very complex subject qualifies as an attempt to boil something down.



^Your conclusions will be limited by your method.



This conclusion: ""Is this because men and women deal with marital dissatisfaction differently? Women by finding some cause in the man and blaming everything on him, be it workaholism, AS, wandering eye, whatever and men in some other way besides getting together and complaining about how their wives are ruining everything?"




^Sorry, I missed that.

That's not a conclusion or a boiling-down. It's questions. They are taken out of a string of various related questions. When I want to make a statement, I don't use a question mark, I use a period and preface it with something like, "I think that . . ." or "Study X showed that . . ." When I'm seeking input to try to figure something out and I offer a string of different options, each ending in question marks, I'm indicating that I'm thinking a topic through and have come to some tenative questions and am seeking others' input as to whether any of the possibilities might be correct or whether there are other possibilities I haven't thought of.

I apologize for using a cryptic style of communication in which it wasn't clear that I wasn't making hard-and-firm statements of fact or personal theories but rather throwing out several very different questions as a starting point for a discussion of a topic.

The criminalization of prostitution is dicriminatory to aspies, while also perpetuating the genetic promulgation of apspie traits.

While there may be something significant to this, keep in mind that men are typically the happier party in a marriage.