I need help...

Post Reply New Topic

Well I hate to put this stuff up without her permission but once I finish I think you guys can understand. You see my current girlfriend (who will go by the alias Momo for this thread.) who I love very much seems to either have a problem with my condition, or has a problem with me talking about it too much. You see I was diagnosed aspie in my junior year of high school but I never took the diagnosis seriously until about a week ago when so many questions got answered. I frantically collected all the information I could (which lead me here btw) and started legitimately talking to all my friends about it. Some of them accepted it, others thought I wasn't any different from others and that I would just use it as an excuse (we've all been through that) She has forbade me from speaking of it again for at least another week because I've been talking her ear off about it and I'm not sure what she thinks. She's notorious for keeping her feelings to herself and keeping a poker face at all times... Which makes it completely imposable for me to know what she's feeling unless she tells me. This combined with the fact that she might be aspie herself from all the things I picked up from her but I wouldn't dream of mentioning it to her for 3 reasons.

#1. If she indeed dose have it she'd be exempt from military service... And her entire family is military and she'd be crushed if she couldn't be a marine.

#2. She'd more than likely get annoyed that I brought it up again.

#3. If she doesn't have it I'd lose 50$ to one of my friends ^^;

So I'm having real trouble with this. I have anxiety over what she's thinking all the time and I always over-analyze her actions to try to find her intentions. I thought if maybe she was more understanding of my condition she'd open up more... That's really all I ask of her is that she understand and open up to me. What do you guys think? Any thoughts or advice on my predicament?

I say let her be as she is and be content. Offer her the space to open up, but don't force it. Seems like she has her reasons for not wanting to hear the aspie talk.

I tried to get my father to open up to the idea he could be on spectrum, thinking it might help bring us together a bit, but he didn't like it, and now I accept it and don't talk about it with him.

Well the problem wasn't me telling her I was explaining that I wasn't going to and why. The problem is getting her to open up to me. She's completely shut to me and everyone, and since she doesn't reveal what she's feeling that leads me to make false assumptions. She even assume a lot of the time that I know what she's feeling and expects me to guess or know because I should know her that well by now. Whenever she dose something like that I get a fit of anxiety like no other and frantically brainstorm over what it could be. One time I was guessing a password she made and nearly passed out. Of course when I get like this it only makes my thinking proses worse. I only want her to understand my problems so she can avoid doing thins like that to me. I mean my mind automatically fills in the blanks of what I don't know about her (what she's thinking, feeling, etc.) and the thoughts are never positive, or correct for that matter. She just continuously throws hints a me that I can't catch, and fully expects me o catch them because "I should know her.". That's what I need help on, the thing about her maybe having it was just me going of tangent.

If you can "fake" being NT and are determined enough, you can still get into the military. If I wanted to, I could probably pass as close enough for normal to at least enlist. I don't though because its not my thing, plus the PT would be way more intense for my fat ass...

I didn't know that having AS would exempt someone from the military.

Why do you suppose she has a hard time opening up? Really listen to her. Let her know you are listening. It may help.

1. my ex is an aspie and he served in the military. No problem

2. She may need a break to absorb everything you have said. It can be overwhelming. If she has only asked you to stop talking to her about the AS part and not stop talking to her completely then take a breather. Stop assuming at all. Tell yourself what it is - she needs some quiet time to focus on you two and focus on you two, not the AS.

3. The fact that you know you have a problem with assuming things when you are not communicating means you can take responsibility with it. It is not solely her job to talk to you in every detail so you don't assume ... you need to find a constructive way to reteach yourself to not assume. I have that problem and actually write emails I never send to get the issue out of my head. Then I archieve it and move on. There will be times when you are not talking and trust me I know it is hard. Right now my guy is in a shutdown (social withdrawal), called me and hung up, didn't answer my call back. So after about two months of being patient with his almost to nothing contact I did pop on him - told him it was rude to call, hang up and not answer my call back (considering I am the girlfriend). I was not some accidental- dial- to- a- stranger call unless he was dating someone else and needed to tell me in which case I was not the gf and while it was rude much more understandable? He gave me his answer (it was no with an explanation as to why he was rude) and I won't hear from him for another week or two. ... no, not until next month actually. He already told me that . See? Give her the week.

So I know where you are but trust me ... you need to get an outlet for your assumptions and give her the time she asked for. At least it was only a week ... its hell when it is longer ...

You do have other friends you can talk about this with as you work through your new found information, right? Talk to them and wait for her to come to you. She asked for a week ... give her a week and a couple of days and if you still need to see how she feels about all of it, then broach the subject gently .. don't overwhelm her.

And if she has it then she is definitely overwhelmed ... so slow down and listen to what she has said. She has told you what she needs from you ... give her time to be able to meet you halfway.