Met someone, now what?

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So I met a girl at the movies! It was a packed screening, and she asked me to save her seat while she got up to step out for a moment. That got the ball rolling, and when she came back we talked for a while before the movie started. I told her about my work as a filmmaker, which she seemed really interested in, and we shared interests in movies. I learned about her work, and it was a good time.

After the packed house let out, everyone hustled to get to their cars, to beat the rush. So it wasn't an ideal situation to continue to chat, or set up a second encounter. She did mention wanting to see a movie which I knew was only playing for a few more days (and which I hadn't seen).

Now, I'm sure this next thing was a big mistake, and I'll probably be told I f*cked myself over. I just didn't feel the situation was right to ask her for her number, or to come to the movie with me. Because we only really talked for ten minutes or so.

So what I did was I tried to play it with an air of casual interest, and said that I was planning on going to said movie, that it was only playing for two more days, and that if she wanted to, she should let me know, and we could meet again. It felt, instinctual, like the right move, since I wasn't coming off as desperate, or overeager, but rather, "Hey maybe we'll meet again" sort of thing. Finally, I gave her my business card, which is pretty snazzy and I hoped would impress that I'm in some way legitimate. I feel like I conveyed the right level of interest, and gave her a level of control, not putting her on the spot, but giving her an option to respond.

That said, I've been betrayed by my instincts many times before. I'm going to go to the movie regardless of whether I hear from her, and maybe I'll get lucky and catch her again (there's only three more screenings, so if she goes, I've got decent odds, since we'd probably both hit the evening one).

So first, any comments on my approach would be appreciated. Second, if I don't hear from her, if we lose touch, what are your thoughts on my trying to find her? In the time we spoke, I learned enough about her (name, her occupation and where she works) that I could pretty easily and reasonably find her contact without seeming stalkerish. But of course I wonder if the very act of searching for her could be read as stalkerish, or if it might even be somewhat romantic (like,"Oh wow, he though enough of me to look me up?")

Well that's enough for one night. Damn I wish this all wasn't so hard. If we're supposed to be social creatures, why have we imposed upon ourselves so many hurdles and obstructions. I mean, it's our game, we write the rules, yet we as a race insist on writing ones to our detriment! I will never understand it.

Thanks for any advice!

BR

i always would ask for the number. look her up and try to contact her. girls usually dont contact you first which is why you should always get the number.

I'd typically agree with Alex on this matter, most women won't call first in many dating situations, however I think the business card approach is good because it non-verbally says to the woman "I would like you to call"

You have made the first move. If she's interested she'll call.

I think if you just spontaneously found her number and called her without her having given it to you, that'd come off as creepy.

It seems pretty creepy to hunt her down tbh.
If some guy did that to me I would automatically say no.

If she is interested she will contact you. If she isn't, she wont, and trying to hunt her down when shes not interested is creepy.

Note the same applies vice versa with sexes is creepy for a girl to hunt a guy down like that too.

If a guy randomly looks for your number, when they did not give it to you, very, very few women will think "wow, he cared enough to look me up", very few. It's not romantic.

there is stalking and then there is stalking,

i am quite old now (41),so let me dig in my treasure trove of being stalked or well "stalked".

In my early twenties i was followed twice during my lunch break by strangers, who in the end picked up the courage to speak to me.

One i ended up dating and the other one's phone number i kindly declined.
Guess why?

The one, who's phone number i declined i saw following me all over a department store, so i sought refuge in the lingerie section, , but he kept on hovering around and eventually approached me after i left the store.
Nice,intelligent guy, shy and polite, student from the nearby uni, but having witnessed the secretive "prowl" he was an instant no-no to me - freaked me out big time!

The other one i dated for a few months. He must have done exactly the same thing but through the streets, so i was not aware of it. he just approached me at a traffic light and complimented me on my shoes, and only after a while he admitted to having followed me.

Maybe it is the lone hunter thing that makes women freak out.

I also recall being "hunted" at a social occasion (which ended up as a relationship as well by the way), but this took a completely different course.
I am a bit(!) slow anyway when it comes to realizing someone is interested in me, so my friends nudged me and made me aware of a man across the room, who apparently had been watching me for quite a while. I have to add that i felt completely in my comfort zone, i knew almost all the people at the ball and therefore i felt safe. It also helped that i thought i was hit by lightning the moment i laid eyes on him, .
This hunting took the "NT-form" ( i saw him asking other people about me and being talked about ), what i mean it was visible and in a form i had an influence on it. I could have frowned and showed my unease etc. escape or brought the hunt to a stop so to speak.

The main difference for me is that in one instance i felt vulnerable and in the other i didn't.
In one i had some degree of control of what was going to happen to me and in the other i didn't ( you can make people not want to approach you, you know - i am good at that, )

Additional advice: Showing up unannounced at her work's reception or sending flowers there is also a BIG turn off.

You are in a difficult situation here, i agree with other women that even if the move to just leave it to her discretion whether to contact you or not is very gentlemanly, if she is not very interested (though i hope the contrary ) or not very forward, she might just not want to make the first move.

There is only one way - fork out for all three screenings and hope to catch her.

Oh, oh, oh - i forgot one oldfashioned method, which is i bet out of use now:
Local papers used to have a section for situations like this:
People met at traffic lights and flirted through the window and then regretted not exchanging numbers.
little ads with time, car model, gender, hair colour and little clue what the fun was all about used to appear and people often found each other again.
Sigh, good old 80s,

Man, I'm kicking myself for not being more assertive and just getting the contact info. I want to see this girl again so badly. Not because of that "love at first sight" stuff, but because it seemed like we got on well, and she had a kind of beauty that sticks with you.

And while I try not to enter into anything with the expectation that she's "The One," I am all about grabbing those opportunities, and it tortures me to no end when I think I've wasted one.

This is gonna be hard. God I hope she has pity and calls me!

Well not much to update. No word yet, and it's looking increasingly doubtful. Best I can hope is I somehow made enough of an impression that she might call in a week, or two or who knows when.

If I couldn't be completely normal, if I had to choose just one thing about how my head is wired, it'd be to alter my memory. I remember every girl I've ever fancied, and I linger over each one, of opportunities lost forever, of happy moments that will never be because I wasn't worthy. I wish I could be like regular people who can just brush it off and move on.

As is I'm afraid this one will join the memory bank, of the every growing list of "never wases"

^

My advice is, next time, rather than giving her your number or getting her number, arrange to meet up to see said movie together on the spot. That way, she doesn't have time to overthink it, or start having doubts because you haven't known each other very long. Plus it comes across as confident and forward, but mutual and not stalkerish.

I can tell you, if it was me, your only chance would have been to arrange the next meeting on the spot and in person. This is for several reasons - the above, plus also if she is a busy person and it was a very brief encounter, unless you made a super strong impression (which is very difficult for anyone to do in such a brief time frame) chances are she might lose your card, or forget to call, or so on and so forth. Often in these situations, especially for the guy, the window of opportunity can be very small, so it's really useful to learn how to spot one when it opens and get in while you can.

That all being said, she may still call so I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Still nothing from her, but it's only been two days, and luckily, the movie has been held over until Tuesday, so all I can do is hope.

Well it's been more than a week. She's not calling. Another failure. 26 and never had a girlfriend. Never gonna happen. I've gotta quit trying, the pain of so many rejections is too much. I hate myself for not being what women want, and I hate that no woman has the f*****g courage to be honest and tell me how I can improve myself. They all think they're being nice by letting you down easy, when they should be honest for once in their rotten lives!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

I'm pretty sure I've found her. I looked her up in the staff directory where she said she worked. The trick is, she only gave me her first name, so there were naturally many hits...however I found only one person with her name that matched her profession...process of elimination says I've found her. But I can't be totally sure without seeing a picture.

I want to see this girl again, but I just don't know if I can do it, write her, I mean. If I fail, I'm gonna go nuts thinking how she thinks I'm a creep, and I can't bear to be thought of badly. I wish everyone would like me, and failing that, I have a tendency to avoid entirely so they won't think of me at all. Better that than they get to know me and find they don't like me. I can't bear it...

Well, wait, now I'm not sure this is the person. I don't know what's up here. Well, I do know that if it IS her, she's in a relationship. If it isn't her, I have no clue where she is. Either way I'm toast.

I wish I could obliterate every girl I've met from my memory. Instead each one lodges in my head, each one carries a painful memory of how I screwed up and blew a chance at happiness. Why can't I just erase it all...?

Easy, hoss.. In the words of Walter Sobchak -- "Nothing is f*cked here, dude."

So, the chick's gone. That sucks -- nobody would disagree with that. Did you screw up?...hell, maybe you did.

I know, right?

Thing is, It's **entirely possible** that this chick could have been your first girlfriend...wife...mother of your children...the woman who sits there and holds your hand while you die of brain cancer at 102 years old, having shared a life together that even the happiest of couples would envy. Chance encounters lead to stuff like that every.single.day. But now you're stuck with nothing but a fleeting memory and haunting thoughts of what might have been....and it's all because you didn't play your cards juuuuuuuuuust right. It's frustrating...heartbreaking...makes you feel stupid, inept, defeated, etc..

That about sum it up?

Yeah, I thought so.

See, I can approximate what it's like because **every guy has those girls** stuck in his brain. I have several, personally. Dude, they write chart-topping country songs about stuff like that. Those women, as a group, even have their own name -- they're called "the ones who got away."

My point is that you're DEFINITELY not alone here. It's really OK. Really....it is.

Here, let me offer this from my own life, just to show you that I'm really commiserating with ya..

My best friend in middle school had a younger sister, and I pretty much fell in love with her in 8th grade. She was in 6th grade. We had a really strong connection, but we were both pretty shy.. I didn't really have any girlfriends to speak of until I was like 17 and the one I got then kinda "stuck," for lack of a better word. There was one point where the GF and I broke up, and the girl I *really* loved was single, and we actually agreed on the telephone one night that we should go out and do something...but we were both too shy and dorky to actually **set a date**. I got nervous, we never went out, and the next thing I know, Ex-GF had her claws in me again. Shortly after that, she started seeing someone..

I lost track of the other girl and married the GF...that lasted all of 18mos. I started dating another girl after that and...well...I'm working on Big-D #2 as we speak. Needless to say, things haven't worked out the best for me. :/

I friended the middle school buddy on facebook sometime last year...the one with the sister whom I loved. I saw her in his friend list and took a look at her profile.. She was wearing a wedding gown in her profile pic, which was taken at her very recent wedding. I didn't have the heart to friend request her.. I hoped that maybe she'd friend request me, but she never has.....could be that she hasn't seen me on there, or it could be that I'm long forgotten to her, or it could be that she can't bring herself to friend me either. I dunno. I'll probably never know.

To be perfectly open about it, just thinking of her...of what might have been...breaks my heart to this very day.

So, there ya go. Trust me -- you're not alone.

You know, honestly, I envy you. What bothers me most is my complete failure to even establish a relationship. Forget about maintaining one. I can't get anyone to give me a chance. Only been on enough dates to count on one hand, and of those, some I'm not sure the other person would consider a date at all. I'm just so afraid there is something irreparably wrong with me at this point that no amount of effort will fix, so I will wind up dying alone.

At this point, I'd sell my soul just for a failed relationship...so at least I could rest easy knowing I was capable of even starting one.