First conversation: Playing it safe or hitting right away?

Post Reply New Topic

I am not going to make a wall of text here, because this problem is actually pretty simple to explain.

If I meet someone, should I hit on her right away or take a little slower and use the first couple of conversations to just get to know her?


On one hand, I don't know anything about her. So making any "serious" moves could it make come of as I am needy, even creepy. It makes sense to get to know her before choosing to "pursue" her.

On the other hand, I am fully aware of the horrible "just friends"-stalemate that will happen if I make no moves at all.

Sadly, I am clueless

I would usually go for the second one as well.

I want to find out as much as I can before I go with a girl on a date, I dont want to find out something I dont like at the first date and having to expend an awkward time because I didnt get to know her first.

Your conundrum is something that catches just about everyone at one time or another.

My husband & I, for instance, corresponded online for nearly a year before we even met. We were platonic friends for years after that. Eventually, his wife divorced him, & I was ready & waiting to pick up the pieces. We've been married 18 yrs come March.

I ended up acquiring a FWB a few years after I got married. Naturally, we had to more a little quicker, but we've "been together" for 12 yrs now.

Sometimes, you just have to "declare your hand" (to use a poker metaphor) & see how the relationship goes from there.

Unfortunately, Aspies can have a difficult time not only reading the other person's signals, but in broadcasting their own. (FWIW: I misread a potential FWB 4 years ago. Just found out about it this year when our paths just happened to cross one day. We're both kicking ourselves for not being more observant!)