Aspie husbands friends

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Hi i have been married to my Aspie husband for over thirty years. I have three children from a previous relationship and they have all grown up with my husband as their stepfather, from a very young age. He is ten years younger than me and several years ago made friends with a woman in her late twenties, while he was dog walking. i am also friends with her now and she really is irrelevant in the sense that i know she sees my husband as a friend and that is all. She has her own partner and is very happy. However he makes me feel really bad sometimes. He is so devoted to her and will do anything for her. I think she is a bit narcissistic and likes the attention and the NS she gets from him. What i hate is the moods he gets into if he doesn't see her for awhile and the way he treats me after he has seen her. It is like he gets really agitated when she has gone and blatantly abuses me. If i point it out to him, i think he panics and realises he is out of order, but the way he tries to make it up to me, seems so false and over the top. I am sixty four, he is fifty four and this friend thirty two and very attractive. He talks about her constantly and says things that make me absolutely savage. Sometimes they are bizarre. For eg an old friend of ours said something that was very nice about him the other day and he said it was because he was jealous of him and his relationship with this women, he hasn't even met her and i was completely shocked that he thought this. It is like he is losing his mind and the only thing that he is really interested in is her. He makes me feel as if i am only useful as somebody who looks after all his needs and he praises me for that, but this women is his whole life. He tells me she is like the daughter he never had, yeah ok. I have had an abortion years ago because he said he never wanted children. His tactlessness is abusive. If i tell him how he makes me feel, he says he is sorry and loves me more than anything in the whole world, i am his life. He will stop talking about her for awhile but soon goes back to his obsessive ways about her. I would really appreciate some advice on how to approach him about this and get through to him, that it is starting to make me thoroughly dislike him. I am going through a lot at the moment as my son who i adore, has told me he wants to go no contact at the moment as he is working through problems of his own and doesn't like the way i have allowed my partner to treat them all when they were little, because of his aspergers. So the last thing i need is this. Any suggestions please on how to handle this would be appreciated. I don't want to throw a long marriage like this away without working on it first.

A close friend of mine went through a similar situation with her aspie husband. He fell in "love" with a married lady who they were acquainted with. She had become his obsessive special interest. The woman he desired had very little to do with him and was unaware of his attachment to her; they were all members of a particular organization.

This was traumatic for my friend and she offered him an ultimatum; divorce or quit the organization plus marriage and individual therapy. She was not interested in staying married and living with a man who was loony over another woman. At first he opted for the divorce but later (@ 4 months later) decided to stay married and comply with the counseling and quitting the organization. He did not want to lose his home with his wife. That was about 5 years ago. They're still married.