Do you try to be 'perfect' for your partner?

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I was just wondering this...

Now I know that we'd have all done this kind of thing in order to try and 'fit in' with our peers, but have any of guy's and gals (and I know that I'll most likely get a lot of replys from girls about this) but have any of you tryed to mold yourselves (or even another person!) Into a 'perfect' partner?

I mean all kinds of people have done this, and although we Aspies are not (for the most part) liers, I was wondering if any of you out there have known anyone (with AS or any other condition, in the case of NT's, well I've got the info I need about them with regards to this subject) I have known at least one person namely a girl I knew at school who used to act like a total bimbo for her boyfriend whenever he was with her (who also has AS, but then this was a AS and Autitsm school after all.)

Or perhaps you may have done/are doing this also?

Although I don't really think that it's a good idea I can see the reason(s) why someone would get someone to do this...

After all say if you were a man who really liked bimbos (sorry if I seem to be steroypeing but this is often the case) aand you did not know any (single) bimbos however you did know a nice looking, good tempered girl, who liked you, and you got her to act like a bimbo for you?

Now the 'logic' would be this...

What men (for the most part) like about bimbos is the way they look and act! Nothing else really matters just so long as their girlfriend is acting (and doing herself up) in a way that they like then at least it's better than nothing....

I know that this is controling someone and that it is wrong, but that is they way they think.

(I know that I did write a story in the past that said that it was ok, but in fact it was an old story and I'm planning to revise it someday, as I now think differntly)

Now if the said girl (or man) was wanting to make themselves in to a better person (you don't have to limit your 'faking' to justt bimbos, as one can fake any kind of personaly if one set's their mind to it) and the only way of doing it was to fake being whatever kind of person you wanted to become, then that's fine, as not only will your 'play acting' become a habit but in order for it to work you will try and come into the mindset of that kind of person, until you become that way forever!! !!

After all aren't people's personaly's sometimes said to just be the sum of years and years of learned behavor?

If that is the case then, maybe, just maybe, all that you'd be doing would be is lerning how to act like a 'perfect' partner....

I don't think that this is a good thing to do to someone, however if my girlfriend ever started acting like a jerk then I may have different ideas...

Goodbye Till Next Time....

Does your girlfriend know about the threads you made talking about guiltripping girls into dating you?

I am guilty of trying to please a partner though. If I was in love and together with a man I would change myself to what he found attractive.

I don't expect people to just like me "the way I am". There is nothing wrong with trying new things and evolving your personality.

I used to; mostly because i was afraid of my partner.
When I started dating my boyfriend i did try to be 'perfect' but he told me he doesn't want a perfect partner he wanted someone to be themselves and now he accepts me despite everything.
Luckily for me he is already perfect and doesn't need to change himself to make me happy.

A lot of NTs are like this, but then, as you demonstrated in the OP, Aspies do it too.

I, however, have never and would never do that.

I have to be perfect. There just isn't any option... otherwise i'd eventually screw up and she'd leave me.

We have a lot of strikes against us. One of the biggest IMO is our ingrained desire to placate and try so hard to conform - as we've been told that we have a problem, a disability, and thus its us who need to constantly correct our thought processes and behaviors. We have to but, we have to be very careful just how much we put into that in terms of effort. The problem - people will dislike you, see you as kindly and weak, even set their eyes on you as a mark/victim, when they observe that. It doesn't even take being obsequious, they can still see the underlying mechanisms behind your behavior and it pretty much means the same thing to them - ie. you're soft, weak-hearted, etc.. While we do have to try within reason, once we know what's generally considered polite, we have to be very careful on how much more we're willing to do and what it is, how it looks in a world where we're not only rated on status but status is largely rated on how well we can fend off human predators.

Regarding partners - you can't mold yourself enough to be with someone who's not enough like you to be with you in the first place. If you've simply been clueless or overprotected and learning a few things could completely change your life that's a different story. However, if it it holds true that you've sorted out as much and things still haven't changed - I think trying to be someone or mold yourself more is absolutely the worst idea. Not only will it attract no one, you'll really up your odds of being victimized by someone soulless enough to take you on it.

Sorry to bring a dark cloud but I'd highly recommend against trying to bend and break yourself for other people. I think as you get older as well you find out just how non-malleable identity is. You can try to be something different and jump out of your comfort zone for a while, some things can be changed, others are literally neurological bottlenecks and your own genes will block any progress and even reverse any changes you try to make if you so much as stop to catch your breath. That's why you need to just stick to this: there's either someone out there who'll accept you and love you for your best self, or there isn't.

I don't have to try, I am perfect. If someone doesn't see that, how is it my fault?

Yep. I do this. I've never done it consciously. I think it is a natural sort of progression for me, when I really love them I want to please them as much as they please me. It can easily get abusive though, because sometimes I'll chameleon into something I don't like--trying to please him before myself. That means I've let myself be exploited, and whether that exploitation was intentional on his part or not I can't always tell--but ultimately I need to come to terms with the facts and be comfortable enough with myself that I don't behave this way. Change is good. Being influenced by people you love can be good, but not when it steals your own identity.

I think Aspergirls struggle with this more than the guys, but it's also why we are often misdiagnosed or not diagnosed, our ability to conform and try to please masks a lot of the ASD symptoms.

Isn't trying to be something you aren't just a disaster waiting to happen? I'd rather be alone and happily waiting for my Mr Right, then be with someone who wants me to be something other than I am. Simply living takes up too much of my energy I couldn't handle 'acting' too. My friends have griped about my ways, but they've also commented that they always know what to expect from me and they respect that. Being something you aren't is typical NT imo.

I try to be the best me, for myself and everyone.