First date coming up!

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Well, technically it's today but I put "coming up" just in case if it gets rescheduled at the last minute. I'm sooo nervous. We're still working out the details of what we're going to be doing. I'm thinking of walking down Main Street and stopping at any store/restaurant that catches our attention. He said he's fine with whatever but he's a cuddling type and he originally asked to watch movies in my room. You can see why I would be uncomfortable with the first date being in my room, even with my roommate present. Either way, I think he's going to meet me regardless of what we're doing. He told me that he wouldn't dress up in a costume if we're going to be in public, I'm okay with this so I said that we could just wear normal clothes. He hasn't replied back yet. I somehow get the sinking feeling that it's going to get canceled at the last minute and we'll have to postpone it.

I also get really anxious and I don't know what to say on dates so I get really quiet. I hate it but I'm afraid of saying something wrong or offensive. So yeah...any way to calm my nerves? >.<

I hope he doesn't turn out to be a guy who makes you feel uncomfortable. I think its kind of weird asking to watch movies in a girls bedroom on a first date, very weird.

Good luck.

Ahh, I remember this feeling, is still a nice one even with all the nerves

Just relax and concentrate on how you'll enjoy it instead of concentrating on "what ifs" and such, that should help calm you

And good luck with it! I hope it goes well

Good luck Erisad!

Lol, thanks guys. We finalized that we are going for a stroll down Main Street in normal clothes. I was going to wear my Renaissance Garb (since it's Halloween) but he was uncomfortable with being seen in costume in public so I decided against it. It's probably for the better because he'd be a bit too focused on my boobs if I did wear my cincher.

I feel better now. However, I know that the date isn't 100% finalized until he's already here. I can't wait. He's so cute. ^_^

I would normally say "+1" here, but my feelings on this are more like x1000. Your bedroom is a completely inappropriate place for the two of you to get to know each other on a first date. Please, stick with your plan. It's safe, puts you two on an equal footing, and gives you options. That's a secure and healthy way to meet someone in a romantic setting for the first time. His plan leaves you completely at his mercy in so many ways that are really pretty unpleasant to think about.

Listen, I get the whole "comfort zone" thing in general; but, not here! I don't mean to be too blunt, but if you think your self-esteem is pretty low now, please believe me when I say it can go *much* lower than you imagine. Challenge yourself, here. You CAN enter society, go to a cute non-threatening restaurant or wherever, and get to know this guy. If you're uncomfortable talking about yourself (LIKE I AM!) prepare yourself not with what you're going to *say* but with what you're going to *ask*. Keep the conversation focused on him if you're not quite ready to talk about you. Work, school, hobbies, sports, the election on Tuesday (if you're in the U.S.), movies, books, plays. Have something ready to ask him, and there won't be those awkward moments. And if you tend to freeze up and don't remember conversation-starter lists like this, then try writing it out. Maybe on a little sheet of paper that you keep in your handbag or over the mirror of a compact? You can pull it out if things get uncomfortable and suddenly you're asking him a brilliant question.

Now, I don't mean to be overly-moralistic about the whole bedroom thing. That may be where you two end up tonight, or in two weeks, or in two months. But, it doesn't *have* to be tonight. It does have to be on your terms, however.

Mostly, try to have fun. That's what's supposed to happen. I know, I know, we completely lose sight of that sometimes. (All the time?) But, if THEY can do it, then so can WE. Just takes a little more effort, that's all Be safe and be well...

I think it's a good idea not to meet him in your room, but don't think it's at all odd that he would ask. I also think it's a good idea to wear normal clothes.

I do think a movie-- in public-- is a great first date activity, because you don't have to talk the whole time. I would try to have mind some specific things you can do during your stroll-- places you want to stop at, things you want him to see, little things you can do the put the focus on something other than how well things are going between the two of you. I wonder about bring a camera-- not to take pictures of each other it's too early for that-- but to take pictures of other people's costumes or cool Halloween stuff.

Have a plan about money, too. He may or may not be expecting to pay for everything, and you should have some idea about much you are willing to spend before you go out. Also, if he is paying, watch for cues about much he can spend.

Ask him questions-- boys love that. Pay attention to his answers, and pay attention to whether or not he asks you questions in return. Don't let him just just talk about himself. Don't lie. Don't make fun of him-- if he puts himself down, disagree. Don't put yourself down.

Have fun.

I know why he asked to meet me there originally, he says it's because he's nervous about college campuses (he's taking a semester off) and the one he went to was a bit frightening. I don't think he'd rape me though or if he could. 1) my roommate's here and 2)I can kick his ass or if I can't, if I'm loud enough, I have enough friends to run to my assistance. I have absolutely no intention of it going to my bedroom tonight. He knows it too. He told me that he respects that I'm a virgin and that I want to get to know him REALLY well before sleeping together. He told me that he had a tendency to move a little fast in previous relationships so he's not going to do anything unless I say it's okay. That's another reason why I'm not wearing my waist cincher. My tits may be too distracting. XD


....Nevermind, he just canceled. Son of a b***h. He's comforting his friend right now and his friend is getting too unstable. He feels nervous about leaving him by himself. *sigh* I understand but this is REALLY frustrating. This is the third date I've had canceled on me since September. Granted, the other two were from a different guy but....Geeeze. I had my entire day cleared for this. :/

Time to put on that Renaissance costume!

Any friends you can go to a Haunted House with?

Sorry. Not good behavior on his part. It sounds like he may be dealing with some anxiety of his own, but still. Should have more consideration for you.

...I'm not in the mood to do that now. And no, they all got invited to parties and s**t and I didn't. Of course I didn't. A College Halloween is for attractive women to dress like whores. Fat chicks aren't welcome to it. Also, I hate haunted houses because I hate being scared, grabbed, surprised, etc. Besides, they had all the good events during the week and NOTHING on the weekend apart from parties for the fraternity brothers and the sorostitutes. So the only option is to go get drunk but there's no point if I'm alone.

So his friend is depressed, big f*****g whoop. Let him cry himself to sleep like all my friends do. Seriously, I've never had ANYONE cancel their plans on my behalf, even when I was suicidal. What makes it acceptable for him? He's like, "thanks for understanding, I really do want to meet you though." OH really? If you did, you wouldn't have canceled. You would have found some way around it. But that's cool. It's not like I was looking forward to it all week or anything.

What's with the men in PA never being able to keep to their plans? I need to move to get anyone decent.

It's stuff like this that really makes me hate people. I sure hope he's not feeding you a line, but you might steel yourself just in case. Thinking about how much we try to be social, and just get slapped away, makes me wonder who REALLY has the problem...us or the NTS.

I know! People ask me all the time, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" THIS is why. Apparently I'm not worth their time so they lead me on and smack me away because it's hilarious to them. I wish I was asexual. I miss the days when I didn't want romantic relations. Then my first bf came along and ruined it for me.

I was going to do homework before he got here but now I'm not in the f*****g mood. I don't care if I have a play due Thursday, a paper due Friday and 2 Youtube videos due Wednesday. f**k it. How am I supposed to focus on shooting a YouTube video of myself talking happily about stuff when I'm not happy. Ugh. What class forces their students to put themselves on YouTube anyway? I hate this project, I hate this class and I hate how people can't follow through with their f*****g plans. I cleared out my whole day for this and now I'm left out in the rain again.

All I wanna do is cry but I have makeup on and I don't want it to smear. What's with these men being completely incapable of keeping to their plans? Come on! I'm tired of being stood up, having dates canceled and so on. Don't mind me, it's not like I had my hopes up or anything. f**k men with their flakiness. Apparently, I'm not worth your time. :'(

I really hate being stuck in the place you are-- or a similar one. I'm really sorry. I used to let my self-worth get caught up in cycles of useless, destruction floods of feeling when things like this happened to me. I have learned that there is-- for me-- very little to be gained by not re-directing my thoughts as quickly as possible.

Sometimes it helps me to just feel without attaching thoughts to those feelings. I know my emotions aren't ready to move on yet, but I also know I've learned all I can from thinking about the situation until I have some distance from it, so I just lay down and try to feel the waves of emotion-- sometimes I even do visualize them as waves, and focus on just floating along above them. When I have so much feeling I can't move on yet, this can at least help me not attach rationalizations to my emotions. I can make up all kinds of things to justify feeling as strongly as I do. I learned that I don't need to. I just feel really strongly about things.

This is probably a very Mars-Venus thing (guy suggesting ways to fix when all woman needs to do is vent) but-- I wonder if there's a way to put some of his energy into the projects you have to do. Does it have to be a YouTube video where you smile? It really does help me to put my frustrations into my writing and my videos, and, as a teacher, I can tell you it's had not to give a high grade to something honest.

So-- be bummed out as like as you need to. But try to have some fun or make some creative use of this angst as soon as you can.

Um...I'm very emotional so I can't help but attach thoughts to feelings. If I were to try the wave thing, I'd end up drowning because of all the emotional s**t I have.

Probably. I have to introduce myself in one video and discuss something related to my topic (RPG video games) in the other one. I already cried and ruined my makeup so I'm not going to do it now. It's due Wednesday but f**k it. I hate this class and wish I could drop it. I just thought it was a web writing course so why the hell do I need Youtube? D:

...when I'm sad the LAST thing I want to do is go out and have fun or work on anything. I used to do that and all my writing was emo s**t that no one would ever want to read, so I deleted all of it.

I'm really sorry to hear that. You did go into it with the right attitude, though: hope for the best / expect him to cancel. I wonder why you expected that, though. Whatever -- people are flakey and this guy is disrespectful IMHO. Unless he has some set of incredibly appealing qualities that we don't know about, I'd suggest passing on this guy. Cancelling on you on a holiday -- without really giving you enough time to make alternate plans -- is just not OK. If he really needs to tend to his friend that badly, then he most likely knew that yesterday or this morning, don't you think?

Now, clearly I don't know you, but I do know that you deserve better -- everyone does. (Maybe especially us? We need stability!) The appropriate thing for him to have done would have been to call you, explain the situation, and ask if you would be amenable to a change of plans -- a quick bite to eat instead of an entire evening of activity, a cup of coffee this afternoon or tomorrow, a chat on the phone tonight as he's with his friend.

If his friend is in such bad shape, then he needs professional care; if he's not, then this guy should have kept his commitment to you. That's really the bottom line. Just know that you're in a very awkward dating phase right now because of your age. Old enough to have it count; not old enough to have it together, understand people's expectations, take commitments seriously. (I'm obviously not talking about you here but about him, and guys in their early-20s in general.)

P.S. Sorry if this is too personal, but why would you be even *remotely* thinking of giving yourself to this guy?!? You're clearly a thinking and caring person and deserve better -- much better. You've waited this long; stick it out for someone who's really right and deserving. Please trust me that this is something you don't want to regret and that almost everyone does. Yeah, sorry again. I know that's way too personal...

I know, at first he's like, "I'll be a few hours late." A few hours pass and then, "I have to cancel." If it's not taken care of in 2 hours, I'm sorry but how much comforting does this guy need? What about me, huh? What about all the nights I've cried myself to sleep because I can't have what other girls can? D:

Why? Because I don't have that many options. Look, some girls can get the perfect mate for them but I can't. I'm physically unappealing and have AS, the perfect/better man for me wouldn't want me. All I can get is creepers on the internet. They don't even want me in real life. If not even the most desperate and creepy of men don't want me, who does? No one. They're the bottom of the barrel.

OkCupid - the home of the flakes claiming to be good men. You can try, but chances are, none of them will ever show up. :/