Is it really impossible?

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Here is sometthing i found on yahoo answers

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Do most males with Asperger Syndrome not get their first girlfriend in high school or college? Is it really?
Are males with Asperger Syndrome not meant to experience companionship, dating, relationships, or sex? Yes, I know I have asked questions like this before, and I am gonna go to an Asperger Syndrome meet up event from going on the website www.meetup.com, because maybe my only hope of ever getting a girlfriend is a girl with Asperger Syndrome, Males with Asperger Syndrome have it a lot harder than Females with Asperger Syndrome, because us Males are expected to take the initiative in the dating/relationship/sex/hook-up world and scene, males have to make the first move, initiate conversations, make the girl like him, not vice-versa, so I guess I am basically screwed and am probably gonna become a 40 year old virgin, because I turn 21 next year and I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never hooked-up, etc. Also I will never go to a hooker or prostitute.
2 years ago
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Also, on one of my groups on Facebook, on the Asperger Syndrome group, I posted a question in the forum "Is it impossible for a male with Asperger Syndrome to get a girlfriend?" and a person said "pretty much, yes it is true" So is a male with Asperger Syndrome gonna be alone his entire life?
2 years ago

I have a very hard time making small talk, I am unable to tell if I am being desperate or trying too hard. So am I doomed? should I committ suicide?
2 years ago


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Well to answer your question Confused, I am a suspected Aspie, I just have to get the medical insurance and get the official diagnosis.

Did I have a girlfriend in high school or college? No, I tried but couldn't for the life of me figure out how to start small talk, make first eye contact, or flirt with a girl in a playfully teasing way.

A quote from your question:

"Males with Asperger Syndrome have it a lot harder than Females with Asperger Syndrome, because us Males are expected to take the initiative in the dating/relationship/sex/hook-up world and scene, males have to make the first move, initiate conversations, make the girl like him, not vice-versa,"

This quote is 100% correct and is the main trouble many men with Asperger's Syndrome have a very difficult time with girlfriends, hooking up or even marriage itself. BTW, your quote is not a confidence issue, we JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.

Expecting an Aspie male to take control socially is like expecting someone who walks with a pronounced limp to do River Dance.

To Crucia: Sure Confused and I should thank God for the food and shelter we have but I think a lot of people miss the point that the long term lonliness can be absolutely crushing.


To Belly B: Women would not reject me outright for having A.S. per say, it was more the features that go along with A.S., like the mono-tone voice and lack of facial expressions, kinda creeped them out a bit.



So is it really impossible for men with AS to establish relationships?

many aspie men do eventually date or get married, so technically it CANNOT be impossible. but... it sounds like you have your mind made up already.

are you seeking to date and if so, what have you done to try to change your situation?

I have not done anything really to change my situation its just that I need some stress management skills so I can function better and i need to toughen up a little bit and act like a man not a girl. My height of 5'10 or 5'11 also knocks my confidence a little as well so i find it hard to cope with it.

Skip, scroll, scroll, skip. Ah!

It's not impossible, but it is a lot harder. You have to realize that social interaction will never come natural to you, and as a man, that makes you unacceptable dating material. You have to learn to hide your shortcomings and train yourself to be acceptable. Dating material refers to someone that does this as a social robot. Basically someone who has programmed themselves to say the right things, react the right way, and do what ever is necessary to get what they want. It's definately not an ideal situation, but you can yield some amazing results that way, and it's the best an aspie male can do from what I've known.

Here's an interesting chart for those who don't understand why aspie men have it tougher than aspie women. Meant to be funny, but so true:
http://www.kontraband.com/pics/24565/Th ... ge=35#show

Typical aspie traits may be less than ideal for women, but they're absolute dealbreakers for men.

Yeah but all women are different some will like aspie traits in men.

Jamesy, the fact that many men here are/have been in a relationship or even got married proves it's not impossible - from what some say, I suspect it might take longer.

deadeyexx - I have no idea where you live, but you made me feel so grateful I live in a place where it's not expected of women to be boring, not have an education and not pay for themselves.

thanks deadeyxx your advice has helped

I've never kissed, never had a GF, still virgin, and I'm 28. I'm an Aspie male, and I definitely find relationships hard.

I think it gets more easier for aspie men as they get older as the culture of their peers changes and aspie qualities of stability and loyalty are more attractive to women of the 'later 20's +' age group.

However I would recomend any aspie guy works on his self esteem and confidence with self help books, hypnotism, NLP etc. From what Ive seen aspie men can 'pull' if their sex drive out ways their anxiety and most men who do not 'pull' its because they feel too anxious about it and too nervous of women. So work on your confidence, anxiety and stress before you try to 'date' or 'pull'.

I dont think it is harder or easier for either gender but I do think it is different and I think both genders are unhappy often. I think makeing a 'war' between aspie men and women insted of supporting each other is unhelpful and creates a devide rather than encourageing love and good feelings.

I am certainly not able to maintain relationships and have not found being able to 'pull' helpful in my life as I cant keep them. I found it very painful haveing bad relationships and ruining good relationships and its very painful going through relationship breakdown and seperation (esp with kids involved).

I would rather have the pain of being alone than the pain of heart break and have made the decision to be alone for my life.

Well, I guess the only thing you can do is give your best shot in life at bettering yourself....thats it