I just don't know.

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Today my bestfriend/housemate who is a female, told me that she is trying to date one of our mutual friends. This upsets me because, in my entire life, she is the only woman that has ever shown any interest in me, either friendship or even something above polite acknowledgement and I just feel frustrated that she is choosing this other person over me. He is border line alcoholic, he smokes big fat cigars all the time, rarely washes and let's just say is probably heading down the road to living on the streets. Put simply, he has a lot of problems that will not be fixed overnight.

So why on earth would she choose this person over me for a partner? He nor I have a lot of friends, we don't enjoy being hugged, he even less so. So what makes him so special that she would choose him over me?

I feel this is my lot in life, to always be picked over for someone else.

I hate coming on here to whine and moan, but I trust strangers more than people I know, and it's easier to just type out a string of consciousness than to just tell some one.

Oh, she also came home and lectured me that if I wanted to make more friends, then I should make an effort to just call people up and ask to hang out. I just don't think she completely understands how I work. And if she doesn't I doubt anyone will

Feel free to just ignore this.

I don't think this is your problem. It's just life. She's choosing to pursue him, but it doesn't mean that he's better than you as a person. I know it must feel horrible to you, so I hope you feel better soon. Who knows, maybe she IS into you, and she just told you this to see your reaction. People can be pretty complicated, but I hope things go well for you no matter what happens.

You declare yourself to be her best friend. If that is true, she is not choosing him over you, because she has no romantic interest in you. You will remain her best friend, and this man will become her boyfriend, and possibly ex-boyfriend or husband. Who knows. The point is, if you were really her best friend, keyword friend, you should theoretically have no problem with her dating someone.

I speculate that you are, in actuality, not her best friend. You are a guy who has plated himself in the friend zone, masquerading as a friend, in hopes that someday you will advance out of that friend zone and become her boyfriend, because you have interests in her that someone who is merely a friend would not.

I notice that in these posts, men such as yourself make an itemized list, illustrating for us, what a loser the other guy is, while simultaneously declaring themselves superior and concluding that she should be dating them, and not the guy she has chosen.
(Women just tend to refer to the other woman as a fast, ugly skank, slut, b!tch, tramp, or something else...rhymes with bore)

She chose this person over you because she is attracted to him despite the negative qualities you list. She feels, they have "chemistry" together. That is what makes him special to her.

I know that can be difficult to accept but that is your answer.

If you are a "best" friend of a female your age, is it not better than having no female friend at all? I made this mistake years ago with an asian girl I knew quite well. I thought and tried to hint out to her from near the beginning that I was attracted to her but eventually realised she wasn't interested and then I gave up on her completely. Sadly, I haven't even got that far with any woman since.

So, here's a few things worth thinking about:
1. Having a female friend is something and something is better than nothing.
2. If you cease to be a friend to her, you may never find another woman as a friend for years or ever.
3. Things change over time. If the other guy is an a** she might later ditch him, giving you a chance.
4. As others have said, she doesn't know you fancy her unless you tell (hint to) her.
5. You have a better chance of another girl you meet fancying you if you already have a female friend and show you can maintain friends.

Sadly some people get frustrated and lose their patience too quickly the one time they have the chance to really achieve something. They later realise their error but it doesn't matter because it's too late for them and they may never even get a second chance.

crap happens dude. Live on and learn from your mistakes. This sounds like the badass vs. nice guy attitude here, but there are women who see men who act like jerks as douchebags.

That's why I don't believe in mutual true best friendship between the 2 genders, this how usually it ends up.....and often one-sided admiration is there since its beginning.

Don't tell her how you feel. She's your housemate. There's more at stake than friendship; if you fall out it'd be highly inconvenient for both of you.

This is your problem: