Lonely

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LONE-LEEEEEE!!

Really, that's all that needs to be said, but I will elaborate for the heck of it.

I dont have any family or friends that I am close to and am starved for emotional intimacy. I crave to be able to hug and hold onto somebody. How am I supposed to get that other than a girlfriend, right? I'm just being logical.

I have aspergers and am trying to break into any sort of "story-telling" career. I like animals and outer space. For fun I play videogames, read, and enjoy nature. I love laughing, being intrigued and feeling useful.

I'm not sure what else to say, or why I;m even saying it for that matter :/ but yeah

It's amazing. We all say we're so lonely. (Well, some of us say we're "LONE-EEEEEE!!"). But we're not together -- like really there for each other (other than virtually). I think Aspies should all get together, buy an island somewhere, and start a commune or something. What a huge disfunctional mess!! !! ! But, at least we'd be in it together. And there would always be someone to hug.


That's logical. I don't see anything wrong with your reasoning.


Why not use your interests to bridge the loneliness gap? Combine animals and feeling useful, and volunteer at a shelter. I've found that women who love animals are generally wonderful people, very accepting, and usually a little lonely, too. Outer space is a tougher one! (I wouldn't hold out for a cute astronaut ) And I'm just going to be honest with you: most women (NT women anyway -- which is, in fact, most of them) DO NOT find video games fun, interesting, or an attractive hobby in their male counterparts. I'm not saying give them up. But, maybe place a little less emphasis on it at first.

You'll find someone if you really want to. You really will.

one day you will find your own company to be more congenial, and others' company less so.

Use your curiosity to give you a chance to be useful then you will laugh with other.

The solution is to put the things in the right order


But you will often find proof that this is not the absolute truth

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtmGPmcQIO0[/youtube]

Singing slugs make everything better.

^I think you just extended an open invitation for CockneyRebel to post in this thread...

Check out the web for meet-ups in your area. (There may be Aspie meet-ups, and certainly will be meet-ups focusing on other interests you have.)

And volunteer - in organizations you're interested in. Even if you don't meet a young lady, you will at least meet others who share your interests/passion.

As far as breaking into your profession - become an intern. People generally love free labor. Good luck.

absolute truths are quite elusive.

Depends on the scope, the universe is deterministic and holds the absolute truth. Just because we can't grasp it all, there is only one absolute truth left for us: Our conclusions (on society, on ourselves) are only waiting to be challenged.

Then I only say "often" because either we wait for them to be challenged, or we decide to challenge them.

I'm waiting for someone to challenge my conclusion that I am unlovable (by either loving me or finding someone that would), but so far, no takers. And I have no idea how i can challenge that all by myself, as I am just one person, and it takes two to tango...

You're a lovely person! Seriously, it's everyone elses loss.

I've read a few of your posts, and I'm challenging you: I think you have become addicted to what Freud called crystallization. You build a construction of a person you love in your mind, your assumptions are always an hyperbole of that person.

Two consequences:
- For years you have compiled an image of what could be the ideal woman for you. It is a mix of the woman you liked or loved, from that girl from preschool to that friend you have now and you think you burned all the chances to have a relationship. This ideal is a construction of completeness to you, and that model does not exist in real life, yet it becomes the standard for measuring the new potential relations with other women.
- Because it will take time and specific events to evaluate the new potential woman, you'll loose the window of seduction and conclusion. She will already have convinced herself you're only a good guy, a friend. You'll carry on rationalizing and comparing to that ideal figure you have in mind, extinguishing the spark of love.

Why this ideal figure exists in the first place? Maybe this ideal construction is a frame around the emotions we can't read, maybe we need to assert some traits first as a defense mechanism, to be sure that the person we love will not destroy us.

Finding a solution to this does not imply to destroy everything and start to fresh grounds (hopefully, because we can't change ourselves that much) You just need to reconsider the timing of the beginning of the relation. Women are extremely irrational compared to your ten dimensional ideal woman checklist. Irrational don't mean unexplainable, so you have to tweak your ideal image with these factors, you will have to drop some too complex reassuring confirmation features that you want and drop the ones that rely on random un-triggered moments.
You will need to add some new checks, much more efficient ones (in the first chit chat) that give you a clue that the person suits you or not. You will need to accept that you have to work with imperfect information (it suits the "world is not perfect" "she is not perfect" and the "you're not perfect either!")

Now you're slowly drifting to the emo philosophy of unfairness of fate. You can either carry on waiting for the chaos to let you meet your ideal construction, wait that someone who you missed the window of the original relationship resigns herself to go with you, or you can challenge yourself and tweak stuff, try, damage control, and retry.

You will have to be:
* faster,
* more intrusive,
* more organized,
* more efficient not to miss that window of the beginning of the relationship.

Because of what I have read with you, I think you are a more-than-good person, sensitive and intelligent. So I am confident on your judgment and so you should be:
* your sensitivity will allow you to keep the smoothness in the compression of your ideal, you'll be faster without giving the impression to be in a hurry
* your personality will express interest rather than intrusion
* your thinking speed and romantism will allow to organize the conversation in a better way, showing who you are (means what you want)
* the adrenaline burst will create interesting feelings

You'll become only a more efficient you in front of what you can't change: the seduction and conclusion window.

All this is too hard. There must be an easier way. It's like being told how to get into graduate placement schemes when all you need (and would rather have) is to start off working in a supermarket. Not all women are playing these stupid games or trying to test you to see if you're "good enough" for them. I don't know what OP thinks but I refuse to be confined to the rules of the mainstream partyhard majority.

On the other hand, if I were able to get even so much as a female friend, being "friend zoned" is better than nothing. If you are able to tell people you have female friends, you will be more socially trustable and respectable, thus increasing chances of finding a girlfriend. Problem is, if you think you've been "friend zoned" and you get bitter about it, people might think you're a waste of time.

Either way, the only people who are really actually playing these games are idiots who spread gossip, watch too many soaps/reality TV, and read all the celeb magazines. If you look deeper into the population, you will notice that the players and the idiots are only out in front where everyone can see them. After all, they are often seeking attention.

The better people for us are the "more normal" ones who aren't pretentious or playing ego-boosting games. Instead, they are themselves, do their own things, and do not care for popularity or exposure to the mainstream. As a result, people more suited to us are harder to find.

I did not ask to give up who you are, I did not ask you to try to learn sentences you can't understand and have to repeat, I did not ask you to mime your kiss in a Pavlovian way in front of a mirror...
The tweaks I propose don't require to change yourself and give you natural credibility for you and the rest of the world, I think it gives more bang for the buck. It's not about pretending, it's about showing your resume in an efficient way according to the parameters you don't control.


Yes, the friends pool is the more likely place you'll find your mate (yet it is still a statistic) and it is the first thing to work on, and it is a bit different, useful as a basis for the girlfriend part. But you don't get a free girlfriend for every friend pool acquired!


We have very unique advantages and we do make idiots looking more idiots. And yes soaps/Reality TV is dumb, don't focus the bimbos


How do the "normal people" get a woman? At "modest parties"?, when you eat an ice cream, do you choose the most average one? It is still a competition, you can't take all the time you want to evaluate someone and you need to have a little experience to translate what you think you are if you find the right one.
You can't have the first prize if you don't play the game

Indeed, depends if you'd rather play Truth & Dare or Chess. I like to think I have the choice to play the type of game that has the prize I want as well as being something I'm better at :)

I very much understand where you are coming from because I feel the exact same way.