I'm seeing a girl.

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So I am a 20 year old guy diagnosed with aspergers. Although I am in the process of getting a second opinion from an asperger specialist (my first diagnosis was with my primary psychologist), I doubt they will have a dissenting opinion.

So early this month I met a girl through some mutual friends, we found out we went to the same college and she ended up asking for my number which I gave her. We then texted a couple of days later (I violated the wait three days rule), talked about our classes, work and availability. I then ended the conversation by saying we should hang out sometime and if she would be interested, which she said she was. Our first plan to get together fell through but the next week we went to a movie. We talked for 15-20 minutes before the movie started and we had a surprising amount in common.

We talked for about 10 minutes after, about the movie and she said we should hang out again. We hugged goodbye and went our separate ways. Since that date we have seen each other once, again with a gathering of our mutual friends. I felt really awkward, we barely talked and she ended up being the first to leave.

We have texted each other a few times and then I asked her out again on a day we were both free. The plans fell through and nothing has been set up for the future although I told her to let me know when she was free and wanted to go out.

So my questions are:

Even though I asked her to let me know when she wanted to go out, should I still ask her out? (Isn't that the NT rule of dating, guy picks all the dates? It feels sexist.)

What kind of great odds am I having to overcome? At best I figure I am probably coming off as just a socially awkward nerd, she is kind of a nerd herself and she has to have at least some interest in me.

When do I tell her about my condition, or do I at all?

Also offering up any additional suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I really want this to work out.

It sounds like you ended up in a difficult social situation with that gathering. I've had that happen to me before. The girl didn't feel that connection because you felt awkward there and there was little communication. You can try calling again and seeing what happens, but I would say chances are not in your favor.

But, don't give up and continue looking for that special someone. She is out there somewhere.

i'd like to offer another point of view.
if this girl is anything like i was in my late teens, she left the social gathering first, because she could not stand the tension between the positive and close (in the sense of one-to-one) memory of the first date and the "meaninglessness" of the second one in the group setting (remember, we don't do small-talk).
she could have thought that she induced the lack of communication between you both, because she is boring you and left.
she also could have observed you talking to another mutual female friend more than to her and decided you already lost interest.

these are just a few possible insights into the very insecure mind of a teen-girl. and not every-one has such a gargantuan lack of self-confidence, so the odds that Arman_Khodaei is right are much greater, .

texting is a good way to keep in loose, unobtrusive touch.
theme the texts not only around a date.
drop short, quirky, random texts, when something makes you think about her, when you see something that you think she could be interested in in knowing, and don't inundate her with them,
in this way you can keep the offer for her to set the next date and show your interest at the same time.

good luck, and keep in mind all this happened in the short space of 4 weeks, give yourself and her some time.

We have texted back and forth since the occasion and she comments on pretty much all of my facebook status, so I don't feel like I am being snubbed.

She is my age, we are in the same year. Also this was not a second date, just a gathering of our mutual friends. I actually talked more to her than anyone else there but that is not really saying much. It would be a sentence or two here and then a few sentences there and then she was getting ready to leave and I gave her a hug goodbye.

While I have never been gf/bf with someone before I have been pretty darn close and I have had experience with girls who fit your description and I am not feeling this at all with her.



I would like to talk to her on the phone but just because someone is available to text does not mean they can talk on the phone for example if they are in class or at work etc. I feel like texting is too informal, too much "let's just be friends". Do you have any suggestions about this?

You can just text her, "Hey, are you free to talk? [I'd like to call/I just feel like talking]" (give or take the brackets part), so she can respond saying if she is, then you can call~

And give her a few days, then if you see something of interest can pipe up and go "Hey, campus gets a new movie in the dollar theatre, its _____, wanna go this weekend?" -- or whatever its about, since it fell through before, don't see any harm in asking again... just don't ask every day or every few minutes xD, but if you gave her a few days and she didn't get back to you, I think you should be safe

Reading it again, just ask her, since you didn't try setting up another after the fall through, you should be safe... I mean she can ask you and that's fine, but she might be a little insecure about it (I know I'm not extremely insecure or anything, but when it comes to asking ppl to do things, its just really hard for me, so I sit around waiting for someone to offer something myself, so would appreciate someone trying to reset it up, myself)

Thanks everyone for contributing but I would still like to know when I should explain my condition to her. When will I know if the time is right? Should I tell her if she asks me why I am acting a certain way?

Update:

I never got a second date and we are not talking anymore. Plus she is posting facebook statuses about dates she has gone on with other guys. Oh well, I'm over it. The whole situation just fell into my lap to begin with and gave me a good boost of confidence. I will keep looking.

Well I'm sorry that things didn't follow through as you hoped, but I'm glad your taking it well and got a boost of confidence out of it! Go go positives! And good luck next time!

1) My advice would be to let her pick a date. If she doesn't do it after a while.. over a week or so just lightly suggest one yourself to her.

2) I can't judge on that as I don't know either of you.

3) I wouldn't bring up the condition in the dating phase. Depending on how high functioning you are, you may not need to bring it up at all until you are well into the serious relationship phase.

Whoops didn't see this.

I'm sorry