Falling in love too easily/want someone to return love

Post Reply New Topic

I fall in love with practically every girl I form a deep friendship with. I go through this process of falling in love with them, realizing they will never love me back, and painfully crushing my emotions. This has happened 4 times so far. All I want is to meet a girl who loves me back. I am unable to identify love in others unless they specifically say they love me. All I want is someone to return my affection.

Girls dissociate friends and lovers.

That never made sense to me... I need someone to be a friend before she can be a lover. I mean, how am I supposed to have my deepest confidence in someone that isn't even a friend?

I agree, Toad. I always think they need to be your friend first before anything else develops. Your girl needs to be your best friend too, right? I don't believe in the 'friendzone'.

Problem is, I tend to fall for female friends, too. I often can't tell if they're just being friendly, or they want something deeper. I can't read the signals. Has got me into strife a few times.

I have that same problem. I've been told by a few women that women like to keep friends sperate from romance because they don't want to be too dependent on one person. If their date is their best friend & things end; they lose it all

Now you ladies know how men feel... Because male friendships, well, we're bros, yes, but those friendships often don't get too involved. Men can't get too close to men since to do so is widely considered homosexual, whereas close female friendships don't have any such stigma (this is the one issue where I will raise a protest that women "have it easy"). We might watch a football game together or go out and get wasted together or any number of activities, but honestly what you see in public is the full extent of most male friendships. Besides, take it from me, as a man, I know that men make horrible listeners. So yes, I for one need that one very close female friend that i can truly confide in, also known as a lover...

Side note: This is also why openly gay men tend to be happier than either closeted gays or straight men, as the openly homosexual receive the same benefit as women. The rest of us have to keep all of out inadequacies inside. I don't even talk about my problems outside of this forum and my therapist, as that would make me un-manly in the eyes of the public.

First of all, we don't know how men feel--we know how YOU feel.

Second of all, the intimacy in female friendships as you imagine it happens only between/among CLOSE friends.

Third of all, I don't believe that male friendships can't be as intimate as female friendships. I have several brothers myself, and most of them have a few CLOSE male friends who they've obviously talked to about a lot of things. The one brother who's actually gay is the one who has never had any male friends. Maybe if stop worrying about doing what you think you should do and start doing what you want to do you won't arrive at all these wrong conclusions about people.



They may appear to be happier, but they definitely don't have it easier.

Untrue. My boyfriend was my friend long before he was my boyfriend.
That's how I can trust him, he was my best friend first.

This is a generalization and is not true for everyone.

i do not care about other people much. i like myself and i see others as interruptions in my progress through my sterile life.

girls are soft and stuff, but they always want to kiss me when there are more important things for me to consider.

some may think i am the loser because i do not see the value in their lips. but those people are people i would not want to trade lives with.

i was born alone and i will prevail alone.

there are very beautiful sweet people on this earth, but i merely acknowledge them from my interpretation of reality.

i am shallow but i have a darling innocent one who loves me, and even in my shallowness, i will be able to muster the force necessary to make the rest of her life comfortable if i try as hard as i can to gather what she needs to live safely after i die.

she knows that even though i am damaged, i will make her life comfortable like an old b25 bomber that lands safely with a shot off wing returns it's crew safely to the ground.

this post is rubbish and i am not smart enough to delete it yet.
i will delete it almost surely tomorrow.

Baratos, it's because you are vibing desperation and not meeting nearly enough women. You say you fall in love with every woman you meet, and then say this has happened 4 times -- a key sign you haven't met very many women.

Two points here --

1. Increase your sample size. Maybe 1-4% of the women you meet will be interested in you, which means you have to meet at least 100 to even find those 1-4 people (and that doesn't even consider if those people are otherwise unavailable, like married already, or with a BF already.)

2. Stop acting desperate. Don't try to take things to that next level right away, and don't focus on just one person. There's a whole world out there, and no women like desperate guys, except maybe desperate women (who I can assure you are not anyone you want to date). Be happy with you first, and the world will come to you, wondering how it is you can be so happy on your own. Also, make a lot of female friends, without the pressure of having a relationship.

Maybe this is your problem. That is ALL you want, at all costs. Maybe it really isn't that you want any girl, but you want proof that someone could love you back.

Perhaps you need to start considering standards. It is not a matter of being more picky, but a matter of being more realistic. If you aim for wanting someone just to love you back, even if they initially like you, if you two are inherently incompatible, the relationship will fail. Maybe you should start looking for girls with whom a relationship is viable with in the sense that you have similar life philosophies, perspectives, and so on.

I would start off by accepting that you do very likely have qualities that the right girl would value in you, and so it's very likely that there is someone out there that will love you back for the right reasons. So maybe try to convince yourself of that so you can draw your mind away from the need to actually seeing proof of that so you can focus on the right person, and not just some arbitrary person.

This brings us to the next question: how do I stop acting desperate?

Ask someone out who you would normally think out of your league, as in above it.

Could you be more specific, Im unable to see a link between not being desperate and asking someone out of your league out but you usually have valid points so I would like to be enlightened.

Learn about "game" and this is the place to start http://roissy.wordpress.com/