involved with AS man

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Are there any AS women here who have been involved with AS men? Also I would appreciate any male insight into this.

Some time ago, I met an AS man through a local support group; we hit it off amazingly and were quickly and happily in a relationship. Like me he had very intense obsessions. However it became clear to me that he "cycles" in and out of obsessions. The obsession that ruled his life one day, he would literally forget about the next. I did start to wonder, early on in the relationship, if the axe might fall on me in a similar way.

This is precisely what happened-- after about a year, the relationship, or his side of it, went from 100mph to a standstill overnight. He completely lost interest in anything sexual or romantic with me. I was deeply in love with him, but since I'd been anticipating this happening (though he always denied it would), I managed more or less okay. It took me more than a year after that, though, to fall out of love with him in the romantic sense.

Here is what I would appreciate anyone's insight on. Despite ending everything romantic between us, including sex, he still wanted, and wants, and fully expects me to agree to and be happy with, being kept around as what I can only describe as a platonic girlfriend. He wants to maintain the same level of interaction we had before, and for a good time even expected me to be faithful to him, even though nothing specifically boyfriend/ girlfriend existed between us anymore. No sex, nothing "romantic," nothing "intimate."

After a point he told me I should start seeing other people if I wanted to. When I did get involved with someone else, and told him, he went ballistic-- absolutely furious-- and told me I could see other people, "just not him" (they don't even know each other!!). So I kept seeing that person but stopped telling him about it.

He also will not recognize or admit that he "cycled through me" just like he does his other obsessions. He will say that the relationship ended (or "that phase of the relationship" ended) because I did not do X or Y right. Yet I did do X or Y exactly as he requested, and he will even admit this, but in the next breath will say, "But you didn't do X or Y right."

He will also do odd things like, despite not saying he is in love with me, and very rarely saying anything like "love you," buy me a very sappy, mushy birthday card with a poem about being in love with me.

For a long time I blamed myself 100% for his loss of interest in our relationship and felt fully obligated to adjust for him. It is only now that I am starting to see any of this as something very bizarre. I also still feel conflicted about seeing the other person and not telling him about it, even though 1) he clearly wants nothing romantic between us and 2) he told me to go ahead and see other people (even after he got angry). My current BF also does not understand my relationship with him, doesn't really understand why we spend so much time together if we are not "involved."

Don't blame yourself. I guess if you want to be his platonic girlfriend, then be it, but you definitely should see other people if this relationship isn't meeting all your needs.

Men with AS suck , avoid them.

Hahaha... well if men with AS suck so do women with AS, which means I suck!

I would like to stay in his life but am very bad at "knowing what I want" and then "asserting" myself for it. It is only occurring to me now, long after the fact, that I have turned myself inside out for him and that all the decisions have been made by him. I am really bad at this stuff!

He says he needs my company but there is only so much company I can give as a platonic friend, I think anyway??

"This is precisely what happened-- after about a year, the relationship, or his side of it, went from 100mph to a standstill overnight. He completely lost interest in anything sexual or romantic with me. I was deeply in love with him, but since I'd been anticipating this happening (though he always denied it would), I managed more or less okay. It took me more than a year after that, though, to fall out of love with him in the romantic sense.

Here is what I would appreciate anyone's insight on. Despite ending everything romantic between us, including sex, he still wanted, and wants, and fully expects me to agree to and be happy with, being kept around as what I can only describe as a platonic girlfriend. He wants to maintain the same level of interaction we had before, and for a good time even expected me to be faithful to him, even though nothing specifically boyfriend/ girlfriend existed between us anymore. No sex, nothing "romantic," nothing "intimate."

I was his special interest for awhile and then bam, nothing. It's like we became friends who still kissed here and there and that's it. I had no say in the matter.
Now we are going into a true friendship phase because I couldn't handle cuddling and/or kissing sans sex.
I told him he would lose me entirely if we didn't figure out someway to hang out together without my wanting sex.
After I implemented this new "friendship" policy which he seemed really ok with he started slowly acting like an ass. He is in complete denial of this.
Luckily, my attraction to him is waning due to his increasingly bad behaviour.
He still wants me around like a girlfriend but without the strings attached. Meaning, I don't know what he does in his private life at all and yet he still wants me to cook for him.
This is insane to me.
I am slowly falling out of love with him and although I do enjoy his company from time to time I am assuming that we will drift into a casual friendship and then perhaps he will attach himself to another girl and forget about me. I hope this happens. Unfortunately, because we share AS traits and I can keep up with him intellectually he seems to be attached to me on that level as well.
Crap. However, I definitely am learning a lesson: if it's too good to be true; etc.

"I would like to stay in his life but am very bad at "knowing what I want" and then "asserting" myself for it. It is only occurring to me now, long after the fact, that I have turned myself inside out for him and that all the decisions have been made by him. I am really bad at this stuff!"

Again, me too. I am just too nice, empathetic and sympathetic and it's very difficult for me to be assertive.
Lately, I have seen him less. He doesn't seem to notice since I am no longer his special interest.
I am becoming more aloof and throwing myself into reading and writing more.
I am just slowly bringing my focus back to myself, the things I enjoy. I am thinking of starting something new like a martial arts.

I want to stay in his life as well but these guys have put up a tent in our brains so it is very difficult to make decisions in this mode on a friendship basis.
The key is to slowly detach & take time away. If we still have any kind of romantic notions towards the guys a friendship will be difficult.

Here is a video on the brain and love.

It won't let me post the brain and love video.
You can find it by going to ted . com and typing in Helen Fisher studies the brain in love.