Do I love him?

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, I posted a thread in here last week about having first-date jitters with a guy. It went really well. So did the second spontaneous date, and the third date today. We got a little intimate and he sings my praises a lot. I think he's really sweet, cute, a great kisser and we have a lot in common in terms of interests and past experiences. He texted me yesterday asking me a bunch of questions about my behavior, it turns out that he wanted to know more about Asperger's and wanted to help me feel less awkward so we could communicate better. Well, we communicated better today and I was much less awkward. He obviously cares a lot, which is something I'm unused to.

Still, I feel like something's wrong. I should be ecstatic about having three good dates with a guy in one week but I'm not. I feel confused. I appreciate him because he's very good to me and I feel like I should be feeling different than I am. Am I capable of having that tingling joyful feeling that love has done for me before? Have I been too hurt and jaded by previous relationships to feel in love with someone? I'm soo confused. Has my form of love just taken a more subtle route due to past experiences? Could you guys help me with this? >.<

Sounds to me like you've just dived head first into a new situation and need to take time to get used to it. I say keep going if it makes you happy, he seems really nice. And good luck on it!

You first have to define love, at least to answer the topic title. My definition of it has gone from the wonderful view everyone else has to being practically a synonym for tolerate.

You do have nothing but good things to say about him, and it appears to be working.

You've probably just learned your lesson on love if you can't say he bored you on at least one of your dates and you don't feel comfortable with him.

Well, the first date went well. Then he texted me the next day asking what I was doing, I was free so we chilled for a few hours. Then he texted me a few days later asking if I was doing anything Friday afternoon. I made time.

He does make me happy but I feel like I'm cheating him out on what he deserves by not being as "head-over-heels" as I have been with other guys. It might have been because I was younger then and I have trust issues.

He wants a fourth date Sunday. I told him it depends on how much homework I get done. School comes first! XD

I generally notice that people take longer to get "head over heels" about someone as they've been in more relationships. Which is sensible.

True. I guess I'm just nervous that I'm doing something wrong, although he adamantly claims that I haven't done anything of the sort and turns around to ask if he's messing up somewhere. Lol, we're insecure. XD

Asp-Z: That makes sense. I guess that just means I'm getting wiser and learning from my past mistakes, which is better than feeling all a-flutter and then making the same mistakes again. *nod nod*

Precisely

OP, it's been three dates - even romantic love can take much longer than that to appear. Look, I know you have issues with self-esteem, and sometimes people with those issues don't know how to respond to a person who actually treats them well (rather than like an emotional punching bag). As I recall your last bf was a first class load who cheated on you and made you feel terrible. But you fell for him quickly. Now you've met a guy who actually seems to be nice, decent, respectful - and you're not sure how to react. That's perfectly understandable. Just give it some time. You're not betraying him or cheating him by not being crazy about him now - you're getting to know him. That's pretty much all either of you can expect after three days. Relax. Let yourself experience this relationship as it comes. Let it unfold in its own time, okay?

Thanks, HopeGrows. You're right. I was thinking about this during one of our dates but I didn't tell him. I didn't know if I could word it in a way that wouldn't hurt so I kept my mouth shut and posted my thoughts here. I mean, he seems really fond of me already and I wish I could reciprocate that attachment. I feel that maybe since he's had less relationship experience, he was quicker to fall "head over heels" than I am, I mean he was being rather affectionate before we even met in person. That's why I encouraged that we meet since I can't develop feelings over the phone or on the computer. I guess I'm just keeping a level head for now so things don't spiral out of control. *shrugs*

I have had to tell him a few times that I am having a good time and enjoy his company. He believes me.

To be honest, when he said that he was researching Autism and Asperger's to help me, I almost started to cry. I texted him saying that I may not understand what he says the first time and I prefer that people speak plainly and that people assumed I was ret*d for my diagnoses. This was the text that almost made me cry:

"Oh no worries here, I don't mind repeating myself. ^_^ but yes I will try 2 speak plainly 4 you. ^.^ FYI: when I was lil the dr's thought I was asperger's. and btw i kno for sure that ur a smart girl! u my smart beautiful Mei-chan! ^O^ <3"

I don't know why I had such an emotional reaction. I've never had to hold back tears from a text message before but it was a happy feeling.

Honey, he thinks you're smart and beautiful - he's worth the time. Seriously, he sounds like a nice guy, and I wouldn't be surprised if a part of you was waiting for the other shoe to drop (waiting for him to be cruel to you). But you know, there just might not be another shoe. Don't rush yourself, or the relationship. You're worth the time - I'm sure he thinks so, too.

Hi. Just answering your title question. I don't think you love him. I know you've probably heard this hundreds of times, but when you love someone, you're 100 percent confident in it and sure of it. It won't matter to you if hundreds of people think you do or don't love him/her because you'll have no doubt in your mind that you do. Good luck with him; he sounds very sweet.

Thanks, HopeGrows. Your username is really appropriate, you know that? You cause hope to grow in other people, which is a gift in itself. ^_^


Stellar - it was that phrase that made me post this question. Then again, I remember my friends would say that they developed love after the relationship had already started. Like they gave him a shot at first because he was cute or sweet or something like that and grew fond of him over time.

I'm happy for you!

Just remember to smell the daisies
By that, I mean remember not to put too many eggs into tomorrows basket. A little thinking a head is very important, but don't put too much anticipation that today's events will become tomorrows exceptions. You and I have chatted some in other threads around these boards - and you seem like a smart, witty woman - have fun and appreciate great days for what they are - and be grateful for anything additional that life decides to gift you with anyways

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "today's events will become tomorrow's exceptions" but that's okay. I think I get the idea. >.<

Thanks for the kind words though.

Hi Erisad,

I don't think I need to add much because basically what HopeGrows said is what I would have said...a few dates is not enough to be "in love"....love comes in time. Just relax and let things happen and don't spend too much time thinking about it. Any "doubts" or "confusion" should be addressed at least a few dates later, get to know each other more before you start bringing your frontal lobe into the equation

Lol, yeah. I have a problem with overthinking stuff, despite how silly I may be a lot of the time.