insensitive comments by aspie, help me understand!! !!

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Anyway, it is a very long story.

I am getting kind of close to my aspie friend.

The other day I was having a horrible day due to a family problem.

He offered to visit me at my place and hugged me and held my hands..

Then I went to the bathroom and came back to the sofa, all of the sudden he became distant and sat on the other side of the sofa, don't know why.

Also, whenever we discuss about marriage etc. He always said that one day he will meet a girl and have a family, but it seems that it is someone else and not "ME". As aspie does not lie, is it that he does not consider me his potential? I see him as a potential husband but it seems he sees me completely differently. However, he shows some signs of attraction to me.

I have told him how much i find him endearing and intelligent.

Is he really that blind that I have to tell him to be my husband? We share the same faith and I don't get this mixed messages.

Hugging me so tight and then become distant etc etc, talking about something suggesting that he will have a soulmate which is not me?? even though I feel we are getting close as more than friends....

He is very intelligent and mature on all matters but love. When he talks about love, it seems like he suddenly turns 15 years old. It is a bit odd like he is still dreaming about it... He is 26.

he probably does like you. I'd assume he does not know how to be suggestive and confident in telling you. I think you gotta ask him.

It sounds like he sees you as a distraction until he finds the person of his dreams.

Honestly, most guys are that way. But because he is autistic he is more honest about it.

OP, whether an Aspie chooses to lie or not is related to his or her character - not his or her neural status. There is nothing about being ASD that somehow prevents a person from lying.

As to your issues with this man, you're going to have to be direct with him. That means you're going to have to take the risk of declaring your feelings for him, because Aspie/NT relationships don't develop the way NT/NT relationships do. Remember, being Aspie means dealing with varying degrees of social awkwardness. That means he doesn't "get" the dynamics of relationships the way you do. When you question if you have to ask him to be your husband, I doubt that you would - but you may have to ask him to be your bf.

If you want to know his intentions toward you, you're going to have to ask him - and then listen to what he has to say.

Thank you all.

I know that at some point i will have to be direct with him.

It already took 1 year to be his close friends, but this is only the beginning stage of friendship as we don't know about each other so well.

I am thinking to be his friend for another half year or so, take more time to see what his values and beliefs are etc. Then confess him that I want to be his wife.

As we both share christian faith, i don't want to rush into girlfriend/boyfriend commitment but take sometime in friendship phase then move forward if I still feel it is worth telling him...

I will ignore the mixed message part. I will just be direct with my affection and love for him that actions will show it. I will see where the friendship leads, then at some point i will confess.....

It sounds like you may be getting ahead of yourself. I don't get the sense that that you have really dated this guy. I think you need to ask about that before you ask about marriage. If you can't even say confidently that he's your boyfriend, you really shouldn't be thinking about marriage at this point yourself. Of course, you were right to make sure that you view the guy as potential husband material before getting too involved, but you've done that.

Now you need to slow down. And be clear. Ask him out. Say something like, "This is kind of embarrassing, especially since I'm the girl, but I don't think it would be fair to leave all the responsibility to you. I've really enjoyed getting to be your friend, and I hope we'll always be friends, no matter what. But I also think you're really cute. And, if you're interested, I'd like to try going out on a date sometime. We can split the cost, or whatever, but I'd like to see what happens. You don't have to answer right away-- you can think about it if you want to. But I would like to know within the next couple of days."

Or something. But he's right not to be talking about marrying you until you have some sort of exclusive commitment to each other.

Why don't you just tell him you are confused about where the relationship is and that you are interested in him as more than a friend and you want to know if he feels the same way?

aspies don't lie?!

are you serious?
of course they do!!
I lie a lot, and I am damn good at it

yeah if I was just using a girl why the hell would I tell her?!
thats idiotic