Do you have to have something in common?

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I heard something weird last night. My parents were talking about someone (I forget who) getting married or something and I said, "Well do they (the couple) have anything in common?" And they're like 'They don't have to.'

WTF. My feeling is that in order for anyone to really fall in love they HAVE to find something in common with the other person. Hell even with basic friendships, you have to have something in common. You know what my brother does when he finds out some friends of his all of a sudden have NOTHING IN COMMON with him? HE STOPS HANGING OUT WITH THEM.

If people getting together in initial puppy love without anything in common is commonplace no wonder there's so many divorces.

yes you have to have something in common. or it can just be a shallow relationship even after a few months together where some people immensely love shallow sexual relationships. then you have to be compatible with goals, dreams, desires, financial stability, mental/emotional stability, social stability, religious and political compatibility and just be an all out catch in every way possible. no one will truly hang out with or date someone if there is nothing in common. maybe when people date older and marry older in life, there might be less concern for this. but in the prime years, it is of utmost importance.

Last edited by Musicprophets on 18 Nov 2010, 12:33 am, edited 2 times in total.

They could be coming from a couple different directions, ie. genetic chemistry or, otherwise, some people who have less accentuated personalities I'd suppose perhaps might not find it as important. From an aspie stand point though, yes, that's a difficult one to relate to.

Some people have the hopes and dreams of getting out of high school, getting a job as a hair stylist, a secretary, a gas station attendant or perhaps a garbage man, and doing little more aside from that than marrying, buying a house, and having kids. When goals and aspirations are that minimal it could perhaps be much more versatile.

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 17 Nov 2010, 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Now you know the truth.

having something in common with someone does not mean the relationship would work.

What do you mean? Shallow interests? Desires in a relationship? You need to be clearer.

I mean any interests or characteristics, in general. Even ONE thing. Whether it's they're both trekkies, or they both like camping, they're both similar enough in belief system to not cause a problem...

Anything at all.

Of course having /something/ in common doesn't mean it'll necessarily work; but I think it's MUCH less likely to work if there's Nothing In Common at all.

I think I've known this truth for years.

What if the main thing you have in common with the other party is that you're both undesirable turds? Does that count?

You're attracted to pharamones.

'Nuff said.

Even if it's just a similar sense of humour there's got to be something... otherwise I might get bored spending time with them.

LOL probably not. It would have to be something positive.

no, interests can develop over time even if there is no initial shared interest
most people have something interesting about them
that and I always like trying something new
I am not picky

i agree with this sentiment. this is how arranged marriages can work out, even if the couple is quite diverse in their interests.

i also think that every individual usually does have *something* in common with lots of other people, if you look hard enough. it could be anything, like

...cat lovers...
...fans of the knicks...
...dutch ancestry...
...computer games...
...cooking spicy indian food...
...asperger syndrome...
...religious morality...
...love for country music...
...orange pekoe tea...
etc...

if you look hard enough and are open-minded, you will find similarities.

but to outsiders, a couple may be as different as apples and oranges. other people can't see the inside of a couple's relationship and can never really know what they have in common, so it is kind of presumptuous to judge them based on outside observations.

you forgot me!!
the ninja sensei!!
god!

on topic-yeah, a lot of aspies think special interests are the building blocks to everything and want everything built around them

Interests don't matter, personalities do.

Me and one of my exes had lots of interests in common, computers being the main thing. But that didn't matter one bit because other features of our personalities kept clashing and we argued non-stop. We were together for a grand total of 2 months and we broke up three times during that period.

Conversely, I had a girlfriend who I had pretty much no interests in common with, but we rarely argued and had a relationship which almost lasted 6 months.

I guess this exposes where this could have have been a semantic misunderstanding, ie. her parents might have had a more limited take on what 'having something in common' meant? I say that because having shared/common values as well as ideas on how to treat people, etc., IMO, is the ultimate form of having something in common. Question is whether the OP would agree that they even had that, but, I can't call that on my own.