Lack of common interests

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I always wondered about this. I read that Aspie's commonly have very few interests but the ones they do have they are very passionate about. I noticed I've had a very hard time relating to people because I'm not into things that are considered common interests. When I talk about my interests to girls for example, they clearly get bored and annoyed. I have been trying to control what I talk about to them. The problem is, there just seems to be a lack of connection. I would love to meet a girl who has similar interests but I don't think she exists. Most girls I have talked to this year have been interested in art, music, and reading. I know I am generalizing a bit, but those 3 have come up I would say a majority of the time as their top interests. Neither of those 3 are even close to my top interests. In fact, probably towards the bottom. Actually I like reading but cannot focus while reading. I know they say expand your interests, so I tried to get more hobbies but it simply did not work. With girls I even have faked interest in their interests just so I could have a conversation with them. Yeah, I admit, I'm rather desperate.

What are your interests? It will help people suggest where to look for this girl you don't think exists. For example, if you're a gamer, try going to a gaming convention (and even if you didn't meet a girl there you'd still be able to have a fun day).

Also, faking interest only works (somewhat) if you can do it well, don't bother faking if you can't be convincing.

I do play video games but I wouldn't describe myself as a gamer. Also, I read somewhere that most online gamers are females. Gaming is not some out of the mainstream thing anymore. It's very mainstream like listening to music, or watching sports. Did try and see if there were any groups out there for my interests which I'm very shy to talk about now due to very bad experiences. There are online forums, but they are 95% male and the few female posters don't seem to be passionately interested. I know it sounds like I am making excuses but I've tried a lot. Even those sites like Meetup. Faking interests got me a girl who I would describe as an acquaintance but she has made it clear she does not want to spend time with me in person.

It was an example. About meeting girls that share your interests, it would possibly be better to try things that are face-to-face and shared activities (having to focus on the task thus reducing social stress). I do understand your reasons for not sharing your interests but it limits the suggestions that people can give you.

Also, they don't need to be passionately interested in the topic/interest, it would be nice (I know) but it's not the be all and end all. This works in reverse too, you don't need to be passionately interested in their interests/topics, you just need to be interested enough. For example, girl likes X but loves Y, you love X but like Y. With the example there is enough common ground for a conversation on either topic because by liking Y you'll know enough to ask questions about it and vice versa.

No, really-- what are some of the things you're interested in? You've got to open up a little to let people in.

This is the same problem I have. I have yet to meet a single woman in her mid to late 20s who has a mild interest (not repulsed by) in Magic the Gathering, strategy board games, fishing, etc.

I do open up in person. Not shy at all, extremely outgoing. The bad experiences were online.

it's really, really hard to provide any advice without knowing what you are interested in.

Two things, being open to women a bit older than you may help you a little Bataar and going to a social event regarding your interests also helps. By social event I don't mean going over to a friends house, I mean an event of some kind (convention, expos etc).

Being in a place where there are a lot of people is a stressful thing, but if you want to find someone who share your interests the best place to look is where there are people who are looking for things regarding this interest. That and looking presentable+approachable.

I'd be open to older women, but they just don't frequent the events I attend. The only women I ever see are either married or with their boyfriend or are only like 18/19. I don't think a convention would work for me because for me to meet people, I need to be around them numerous times to determine if I'm interested in them other than their looks.

I understand but if you get a phone number it's possible to get to know a person over time. It's then possible to decide if to try progress to a more meaningful relationship or to remain friendly acquaintances or to stop talking to them altogether.

My dad was good enough to notice this about me when I was younger.

He said I needed to talk about things girls were interested in, which was sadly not usually spaceships. I was kinda at a loss, and I feel like I got into a lot of weird relationships where the girls just thought I was cute but later realized I was weird, or where the girls had really low self-esteem and didn't want to leave me even though what I said had little or no interest to them.

I still have trouble bridging the gap between my interests and my girlfriend's interests, but there's enough overlap that it works out.

Overlap is important, but you don't have to like all the same things. Sometimes I just agree to keep my thoughts to myself.

Like on the problem of induction in science! That's really important to me, not so much to the gf.

So maybe you have to decide that you like the company of (or looks of) a particular girl way more than you like discussing your favorite topics.

Is it hard for you to not interject when someone is talking? Some people can enjoy activities where you don't talk so much, or where you don't talk about anything in particular, but you may not be one of those people.

Need a more detailed hobby list from you here, buddy -- so far, you're sort of vague.

I also have this "nothing I think is fun is fun to anyone else" issue, but funny enough, not with the girls that like being around me. They like doing what I do, boring as it might be (like watching airplanes at the airport) because they get to be around me.

But I do like art galleries -- what's not to like about museums in general?

I don't think that having common interests is really that important in forming a relationship or friendship. I think it's more important to have similar values and beliefs, because it would be difficult for me to be around someone whose beliefs were antithetical to mine. But as far as interests, if you are interested in the person as a human being, you can listen to them prattle on about this and that. It's not the topic that matters, but the personal connection that you are making.

I got my Aspie interests - buses, airplanes, finding the inner workings of anything that moves or in a machine, patterns, and stuff like that. I also have my NT interests as well too - cars, cycling, snowboarding, photography, cooking(if I'm not lazy), and being somewhat of a "domestic". You just need to find a balance.

Yeah, make with your interests!

Really, you don't have to have many common interests. My husband and I had none when we met and only after being together 7 years developed just one. So now it's been 16 years and we've still got one. It's not interests that really make the relationship. It's more how you engage with each other and the kind or fun things you do together. Making girls laugh is a good start. You shouldn't fake interest in things - I think that could set you up for problems later. If a guy did that to me I'd feel like I had been lied to if I found out he didn't really like something.