Not sure how to ask this...

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So, I'm an 18 year old guy who doesn't post depressed rantings on these forums because I've never had a gf; I'd rather just wait until I feel ready, and feel a genuine interest in someone than try to date for the sake of dating.

Moving on, I've recently become interested in a close friend. A few points about her:

>Christian (so am I, so not an issue but may be relevant to any replies)
>We're close friends. I recently had my grandmother die and she has been very supportive - watching out for me to see how I've been traveling
>I think that she might share the feeling*

*Although, If I'm right I think she might share the same insecurities I do and thought the same things: "Does he like me? I don't want to make it weird". Also, like many here I suck at picking up morer subtle stuff so I could be completely wrong as well. Aspergers can play hell with your confidence, eh?

Anyways, I want to ask her out, but... and I feel really stupid in writing this... I don't know how. To elaborate, it's not as simple as just asking her if she wants to go to a movie, because as we're friends that may or may not be a date. To top that off, my complete lack of any clue about how to approach the issue has tripped me up as well.

I'm already VERY conscious of social awkwardness on my part (which is just making taking this last step harder), and I value our friendship too much to want to make it weird. Does anyone have any advice?

Wow... Asking for relationship advice from strangers on the Internet is a new one...

I think if you are going to ask a friend out, it's best to do it in a manner which provides room to alleviate tension should she not share your sentiments.

My advice is, be humble. Smile but not too big. Look her in the eyes. Be sweet, but confident and not needy.

And be honest.

Tell her "(her name), I'm not very good at reading people, so if I'm wrong in asking you this, please forgive me by not running away, but there's a nice restaurant (somewhere) that I have been wanting to take a special lady to, and I've been hoping for a while that you might be my date."

If you were wrong and she only likes you as a friend, and she expresses this, you can save face by adding "I mean as a friend of course".

Usually when a girl is approached by a friend who she has no romantic interest in, she really really wants some type of "undo" option so that they can just continue to be friends without any weirdness.

There's no such things as an "undo" button in real life, but you can manually create this situation by not getting upset with her, and by shrugging off the rejection and changing the subject back to something neutral. Example "Well you can't blame me for trying. Hey, did you hear about (something new in whatever subject of interest you two often talk about)."

What not to do is storm off, act hurt, stop talking to her unless she requests or implies she does not wish to have contact, or act angry towards her for rejecting you.


I hope it goes well!

Just be honest about your feelings, but try not to put pressure on her.

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Do let us know how it goes!

Ok, question: How long have you known this girl? Actually, how long have you been friends? I am not saying this is always the case, but quite often when people are friends with someone of the opposite sex, they often end up in the "Friend Zone" (I know that sounds ridiculous, but it happens). Like you really like someone as a friend, you enjoy their company and like spending time with them, but you don't have a romantic connection because you have already become comfortable with them as a pletonic friend. I can give you two examples:

About two and a half years ago, I became friends with a male coworker after moving out of state. We had a lot in common and we had a lot of fun together. He is a really cool guy, really fun to hang out with. He was/is super nice to me, too. He is smart and not bad looking, but I have no interest in him other than a friend. I really enjoy hanging out with him, but there is no romantic connection, at least for me. I can't say exactly why, but there just was never any "spark" between us. The thing is, he DID like me as more than friends and when he told me about how he felt and I told him I did not feel the same, we both still wanted to be friends, but now we only see eachother every few months whereas we used to hang out and talk several times a week.

...on the other hand...

I knew this girl in high school named Cindy who was good friends with this guy named Mark. It seemed like a totally pletonic friendship. They spent a lot of time together, but she insisted that there was nothing more to it than friendship. After high school, Cindy moved from southern California to northern California, about 8 hours away. She still kept in touch with Mark and one day, she told me he just proposed to her over the phone and she accepted. He moved up to northern California and they lived together for a few years before they actually got married, and they are still married now. I personally thought it was super strange, but when I talk to Cindy now, her and Mark seem to have a wonderful, really happy marriage.

Now, I know you aren't talking about marriage, but i'm just saying... So really, the only way you are ever going to know if there is anything more than friendship is if you take the first step and express some interest to this girl and be sure you are making it clear that you are interested in being more than friends. I really hope it works out for you. Let us know if you decide to ask her on a date. I would like to know how things turn out.

Just don't completely dismiss your friendship if she isn't interested. I can tell you from experience that it is no fun to lose a friend becasue they want more and you don't.

Good luck!

UPDATE: Well, the cat sort of managed to slip out of the bag. I accidentally let slip that I liked someone to some friends, and another one of them began attempting to get a name out of me; end result of them spending the past 24 hours interrogating me in person and through text messages has led them strongly suspecting the correct person.

Anyways, just after this episode began the person I like updated their facebook status, saying that they have a reason to smile and hope that they haven't got their hopes up for nothing (didn't post it word for word because I'm hoping that people don't find this thread). But that pretty much confirmed that the feeling is mutual.

Haven't had the chance to ask yet as I haven't seen her since the chaos of said slip, but hopefully I'll have the chance on monday

Sorry Northeastern, I still haven't (but still planning to)... Multiple problems:

>Managing to catch her alone is proving difficult

>The past few days have been really busy, and today another friend was (unwillingly) pulled out by her parents*. But that's a rant I'm not going to have here.

*meaning, it would be insensitive right now (remember what I said about her being compassionate to a fault? She's too caught up in what's happening with others to think about herself). Once the dust settles.