How come women know when you're hitting on them???

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I don't think I'm that obvious, but the second I go from natural conversation to the kind you create because you're interested, they seem to pick up on it. It's uncanny how they do that. Not every time, but almost every time they seem to kinda know. It's weird.

Yes, it is eerie, but it's like their core competency -- women speak a very subtle social language, and thus are very fluent in it. They can usually easily tell when you are interested -- probably because you start being too nice, pay too much attention, etc. It's amazing how fast they can move to shut you down (mentioning their BF suddenly, etc.) too.

http://www.mahalo.com/how-to-read-minds

It's psychology, not rocket science.

Women usually are closely scrutinizing everything you say and do like 5-10 times worse than men.

NT women, you mean. I have no earthly clue when a guy is trying to hit on me. As a result, I have historically ended up with the most aggressive and forward guys who end up being total jerks because of that trait. It's no good. I can't tell when a guy is interested so I end up with a lot of guy friends.

If a guy comes up to me in a bar when I appear alone, it's easy to figure out the intent behind it. Otherwise, it's hard to tell unless it's obvious. Saying that, my sleeze-omiter is quite well developed.

I think, to some extent and depending on what generation we're from, that women are taught from an early age to *assume* that a guy is hitting on you. That way, you can be appropriately cautious / deflective. I'm not saying it applies to every woman, but I think it's similar also to how we're taught not to make eye contact with men we pass on the street. That was considered brazen and engaging and "your fault" if they then pestered you. I'm 43, but I've studied the mores of several generations. Remember, we're only about 40 years past the time when women could not sit alone in hotel lobbies because the management would roust them for being prostitutes.

Most women...NT women, are very good at reading non-verbal communication. It makes sense that they would be because as the primary caregivers of children, they need to figure out what babies who cannot talk,.and children who cannot verbally express their feelings, might want.

Men have similar abilities to pick up on subtle things, but it's more in a subconscious, visual detail oriented sense.

For example, if you ask a man what color he likes women to wear, or what type of outfits, shoes, etc, he finds attractive on woman, hairstyles, makeup, etc, most men will say it doesn't matter, as long as the woman is pretty and has a nice personality.

But women know that to men, it actually matters a lot. A man will notice, subconsciously anyway, how kept a woman's hair is. He will notice how shiny it is. He will generally choose a woman who is overall, more put together looking than not, who is more color coordinated than not, who has well manicured nails, more tasteful makeup, etc.

Even though he may not consciously be aware of the specific details, they will create a whole image for him that in general, he can distinguish as more attractive or less attractive.

I think what everyone is trying to say, CaptainTrips222, is how did YOU know that women know when you're hitting on them? Did they pointedly tell you, "I know you're hitting on me," or did you simply assume that based on their body language, their tone, and certain things that they said or did?

Unless you've lived under a rock all your life and have yet to interact with a single human being, I just don't see how you could be completely oblivious to some of the most common social cues the world ever invented. For some women, these include Things Men Talk about When They're Trying to Get Laid.

is there some reason why men would want to keep it secret? if there is no reason to hide your intention, then it shouldn't be a problem for the woman to be able to tell you are hitting on them. unless you were trying to be sneaky or something, which would frankly be silly.... because how can you seduce a person and keep them completely unaware, and why would you want to? (me=confused)

Its pretty easy.

Isn't that a good thing though? I mean if you're hitting on them then surely you want them to work it out?

Yes, good qualifier -- it is true. I can see how those very unsubtle guys, the only ones you can sense, could end up being very bad choices. Sad to say, men who can't read women (lots of guys here, but also significant amounts of NT guys) also fall into this trap, as they end up with very aggressive user-type women who other guys smell a mile away and avoid.

Question: How can you seduce a person and keep them completely unaware that you are doing so?
Answer: By being so subtle that the women don't even realize that they are being enticed into thinking of the man in romantic terms.


Question: Why would you want to?
Answer:So that the woman will feel like any ensuing romance is 100% her idea.

Of course women are highly tuned in to this (as the OP noticed) so that what is actually going on is a very subtle ritual whereby two people interact romantically on an almost subliminal level. This gives both an "opt out" in case it looks like nothing will happen. It also allows women to feel simultaneously like both the object and the subject of this interaction, which is very erotic when she actually is attracted. If she isn't attracted, she will still be far kinder in her rejection to a man who uses this subtlety than she will be to a man who is very forthright that she isn't attracted to. (This applies to NT women broadly, though there will always be exceptions)

Last edited by Janissy on 23 Nov 2010, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Same here, I'm clueless.

Love this quote -- ^ -- never read that before, but it makes sense.