Do you rely on dating sites?

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Do you?
Yea.... its the only option i have 39%  39%  [ 13 ]
No.... it's pointless 61%  61%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 33

Blint
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01 Dec 2010, 6:03 am

As the title says, do you rely on dating sites?

Me personally no, it's pointless imo.


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SabbraCadabra
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01 Dec 2010, 9:27 am

Well, after about a year of absolutely no luck on OkCupid, I finally found someone (again)...so I guess I'm kind of glad I didn't delete my account or anything :oops:


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nick007
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01 Dec 2010, 12:10 pm

I spent over 6 years using dating sites & I had NO luck at all on em except for bad. The only dating sites I use now are sites that had good forums but I'm not actively trying to find someone on em. I'm not saying you guys should not try/use dating sites but I think you should try to find other alternatives if you can instead of relying on dating sites


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Moog
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01 Dec 2010, 12:17 pm

That's a very narrow dichotomy of opinions we are allowed to hold!


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nickn3ro
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01 Dec 2010, 2:01 pm

Ive tried going out and it wasted money I tried dating sites and that wasted time and didnt do jack squat



Grisha
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01 Dec 2010, 2:11 pm

Only option I have as far as I know - don't meet anyone dateable otherwise...

I hate to sound pathetically cliché, but it really is a numbers game and those sites help you get numbers...

Haven't found my number yet though, but I intend to keep trying...



superboyian
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01 Dec 2010, 2:45 pm

I don't bother with them yet I have a Aspies Affection account but I don't bother even using it and online dating I just don't see any fun in it and I barely trust online relationships.

I think seen enough of my mate getting hurt all time by it.


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Craig28
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02 Dec 2010, 5:46 pm

I don't use dating sites. People on here state correctly that the odds are against us. There are better looking guys on there looking for someone and that will limit my chance, also the number of people looking limits my chances too. Also, the information that I would input into my profile isn't "exciting" enough to catch the eye of any woman looking. Thats why I often lie about things in the real world week in and week out. Also, the picture of myself doesn't help me at all.



The_waiting_room
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02 Dec 2010, 5:55 pm

While I'm signed up for one dating site, I don't actually use it. It took me a shedload of time and confidence to actually write a profile about myself, as well as put up a profile image.

...but to be honest I don't really understand it. I've always thought that great relationships (experiences with which I have zero) develop 'by accident' between people who appear to have met each other at some other occasion. If you meet/chat with another person for the first and from the beginning consider them a "dateable target" (because that's the point of the dating sites, right?)... I just don't see how that could work. To me, at least, it seems superficial as hell - "This is me. That is you. Are we content enough with each other to try our luck?" - it's like it's skipping a lot of the subtlety of slowly getting to know "that guy/girl".

But hey, I've always been a hopeless romantic, so I guess I'm just not only on the wrong planet, but in the wrong century as well. Today it seems like everything is about sex :/



nick007
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02 Dec 2010, 10:15 pm

The_waiting_room wrote:
it's like it's skipping a lot of the subtlety of slowly getting to know "that guy/girl".

That's what's good about dating sites for Aspies. Lots of us have major problems with subtlety. Dating sites can be a more direct straight forwarded logical approach to finding someone. I think part of the problem is that love defies logic; this may also be why lots of us especially me have problems finding someone because attraction, emotions, feelings are NOT logical.


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menintights
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02 Dec 2010, 10:42 pm

The_waiting_room wrote:
I've always thought that great relationships (experiences with which I have zero) develop 'by accident' between people who appear to have met each other at some other occasion. If you meet/chat with another person for the first and from the beginning consider them a "dateable target" (because that's the point of the dating sites, right?)... I just don't see how that could work. To me, at least, it seems superficial as hell - "This is me. That is you. Are we content enough with each other to try our luck?" - it's like it's skipping a lot of the subtlety of slowly getting to know "that guy/girl".


I agree. It's one thing to be a member of a forum where you accidentally meet someone you happen to get along with and have lots in common with (and gradually be attracted to), another thing to join a forum for the sole purpose of finding someone who you find attractive and/or who will accept you as a sexual partner. I can't imagine, for the life of me, what kind of conversation I would have with someone I (hypothetically) have met on a dating site since it would all seem too fake and too calculating.

Either way, what looks good in writing doesn't always look good in person, and online chemistry doesn't always translate to real-life chemistry. The only reason you should resort to using a dating website is if you're stuck at work 24/7 and have absolutely no time to go out and meet another human being OR if you live in one of those places where everyone knows you and every weird/stupid thing that you've done and won't give you a chance. Otherwise... why?



Bethie
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03 Dec 2010, 4:26 am

I used to. Meeting someone face to face is out of the question, so my options are limited to dating sites and other places online.

Dating sites are better because you usually know if someone is looking for a long term relationship or marriage,
but it's hard to find someone who shares your interests.

Of late I'm starting to be honest with myself and admit that even someone who loved our conversations online would run the other direction screaming if they saw what I look like. So...I stay away. Less wasted time for them, less shattered hopes for me.


:)


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SabbraCadabra
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03 Dec 2010, 8:59 am

The_waiting_room wrote:
If you meet/chat with another person for the first and from the beginning consider them a "dateable target" (because that's the point of the dating sites, right?)... I just don't see how that could work. To me, at least, it seems superficial as hell - "This is me. That is you. Are we content enough with each other to try our luck?" - it's like it's skipping a lot of the subtlety of slowly getting to know "that guy/girl".


I don't know. I guess I would probably feel that way if I tried using one of those pay sites...like "Hey, I want to get my money's worth, let's skip all the pretense."

But OkCupid I never took very seriously...I just filled out my profile as if it were any other "social-ish" I suppose kind of website, none of that mushy "I'm looking for this type of girl, blah blah, can't wait to hear from you!" So when girls did message me, I would just chat with them as if they were any other sort of random Internet stranger...some of them I still do chat with. Though I suppose it would be kind of awkward if a guy tried messaging me...but...I'm kind of at that point where I feel like I have enough male friends anyway and don't really need to add new ones.

But yeah, like others have said, it really is all down to LUCK (or fate, depending on how you look at it). Even looks don't really help...I've had girls message me and go "Oh, you're cute! ^_^" and then realize right away how awkward I am and stop talking to me after a few days :roll: Or they get a boyfriend. Or they live too far away. Or they smoke. Or they're psychotic. Or whatever etc. etc. :?


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03 Dec 2010, 10:32 am

Although I voted no I used to in the past.

You can get ripped off so easily on them that I stopped using them about a year ago.

And I've got a GF now (who I did not find on a dating site) so it makes it even more pointless for me anyway (she would not like me having more than one girl on the go)

I can see where they may work for some however....

Goodbye Till Next Time



Bethie
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03 Dec 2010, 1:56 pm

The_waiting_room wrote:
If you meet/chat with another person for the first and from the beginning consider them a "dateable target" (because that's the point of the dating sites, right?)... I just don't see how that could work. To me, at least, it seems superficial as hell - "This is me. That is you. Are we content enough with each other to try our luck?" - it's like it's skipping a lot of the subtlety of slowly getting to know "that guy/girl".

But hey, I've always been a hopeless romantic, so I guess I'm just not only on the wrong planet, but in the wrong century as well. Today it seems like everything is about sex :/


That's exactly why I prefer dating online. Beause of the anonymity, I can get to know things about a person in mere days as opposed to wasting months of our lives covering the same ground only to find out we're incompatible in one way or another.

And for those of us who are ugly and/or CAN'T communicate in person,

it sure as hell shores up your odds if the person can fall in love with who you are first,
as opposed to what you look like.

I'm a hopeless romantic, too. I just don't see how I would find a fellow vegan atheist socialist who's tolerant of my Aspieness if not through a website with searchable peramaters for people interested in relationships.


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menintights
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03 Dec 2010, 2:33 pm

Bethie wrote:
That's exactly why I prefer dating online. Beause of the anonymity, I can get to know things about a person in mere days as opposed to wasting months of our lives covering the same ground only to find out we're incompatible in one way or another.


You can't really get to know someone within a matter of days, though, especially if you both meet on a dating website. People who use dating sites want to present their better side and are always gauging what the other party wants--they're essentially acting. It's only when their guard is down do you finally realize what you've gotten yourself into, and depending on how good of an actor they are it can be a lot more time-wasting than if you'd just take the time to learn about someone (as in as a friend) without constantly wondering whether or not he/she is compatible with you as a love interest.