Need some advice on a woman
So I was dating a girl for about a month. I thought she was the whole package... smart, good looking, educated... we had great conversations that lasted for hours... I thought I was truly falling in love with her. I would make her fancy dinners, going all out.... wine glasses, candles, music... I really tried. Really, really tried. And it seemed like it was working. One night, we end up making love. I really wanted to take things slow, but she began taking my clothes off, and I knew it was time. Afterwards, we lay in bed talking for a couple hours... I felt like this was going to be a great relationship. We talked about a trip together. She eventually left, and I went to bed.
Next day, I send her a text message. No response. Next day, nothing. I text her on saturday, inviting her to a steak night. She simply says "I can't. Have fun though." I was perturbed by this. Next day, I text her saying let's go for coffee. She texts me back an hour later, saying she is really busy and can't just do things spontaneously.
I call her, no answer. I text her saying that I don't appreciate being blown off... Then I get a few messages. She says she is very busy, and very unsure of us as a couple. I tell her I care about her, and want to continue to see her from the heart. She says she needs some space to figure things out, and is very unsure. I text her back, and say I have to leave the ball in your court. You know how I feel, I will wait to hear from you.
That was almost 2 weeks ago. No response.
I really cared about this girl... I still do. I don't understand what happened. She seemed like a girl I could really have a relationship with, finally.
Should I just leave things be and move on? Or, should I text her and say we need to go for coffee and talk. If there is any chance of continuing the relationship, I want to seize it.
I am sick of being alone. All I do is work all the time, and I really miss her. I know the chances of me having a successful relationship are slim, due to my AS plus my job schedule.
Should I contact her one last time before I give up, or should I just leave her be and move on?
Mindslave
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Next day, I send her a text message. No response. Next day, nothing. I text her on saturday, inviting her to a steak night. She simply says "I can't. Have fun though." I was perturbed by this. Next day, I text her saying let's go for coffee. She texts me back an hour later, saying she is really busy and can't just do things spontaneously.
I call her, no answer. I text her saying that I don't appreciate being blown off... Then I get a few messages. She says she is very busy, and very unsure of us as a couple. I tell her I care about her, and want to continue to see her from the heart. She says she needs some space to figure things out, and is very unsure. I text her back, and say I have to leave the ball in your court. You know how I feel, I will wait to hear from you.
That was almost 2 weeks ago. No response.
I really cared about this girl... I still do. I don't understand what happened. She seemed like a girl I could really have a relationship with, finally.
Should I just leave things be and move on? Or, should I text her and say we need to go for coffee and talk. If there is any chance of continuing the relationship, I want to seize it.
I am sick of being alone. All I do is work all the time, and I really miss her. I know the chances of me having a successful relationship are slim, due to my AS plus my job schedule.
Should I contact her one last time before I give up, or should I just leave her be and move on?
I am operating on the assumption that this girl wasn't just after you for sex (which is usually a correct assumption of women).
Some women have a difficult time deciding what they want. She may have been unsure if she was interested in you and tried to "put her all into it" to see if she was, by having sex with you, and possibly she concluded that she wasn't, or felt ashamed of herself for sleeping with someone she wasn't sure if she liked. Or maybe she likes you but has other emotional issues. Maybe she thought the relationship was moving too fast, even though she is the one who initiated the sex.
You might try writing her a note telling her something like "Hey, I realize things may have been moving a bit too fast. If that's the problem, it's ok, we can take it slow. Call me and we can meet for some coffee if you want to talk it over...or if you just want to talk."
I don't think I would blame yourself for doing anything wrong if she doesn't want to continue the relationship, because I don't think you did.
Did you ask her to stay over after you slept together? Just from personal experience I often get a bit clingy and vulnerable right after sex. Going home afterwards would probably make me feel a bit cheap and unwanted, even if it was me who started it.
2 weeks with no response does suggest that she probably isn't interested. Maybe you could contact her and ask her if that is the case and whether she could let you know if you did anything wrong. That way at least you might learn something from it.
You may have moved too fast for this particular girl. It's hard to tell, but in future if you don't get a reply to your text, don't send another one. It's up to her to respond.
Personally I don't think you moved too fast, although the thread about you 'not appreciating being blown off' sounds a bit threatening. If she is playing games, then the best way to end it is to just not text again. If she is genuinely busy (which is likely as well), then the same solution applies; let her get back to you when she has time and the next time you meet up, maybe come to some formal agreement about when to contact each other (that's what my partner and I did).
Maybe just chalk this one up to experience and move on with your life. She may get back to you, but I wouldn't hang around waiting for it.
The more you chase her the more she will despise you for being a weak "beta" male.
If you can make it look like you are dumping her then she might chase you.
I agree... I'm going to save face and just forget about her. I don't think she will be chasing me. She has too many options to know what she wants anyways. A medical student with good looks, I suspect she probably wants something in a partner other than an AS guy who works in construction.
No point in trying to change anything now, the die has been cast so to speak. Guess she was not the one for me long term anyways, I will move on then.
They've been in a relationship. She has suddenly cut all communication without an explanation (which he deserves). Why isn't he allowed to express his frustration at her rudeness?
They've been in a relationship.
No, they were dating. These days amongst students (or at least those where I come from), there's a clear distinction between the two. It's a little sad; for some, it's almost like getting engaged when they're allowed call each other bf/gf
Well, he can express his frustration at her rudeness but that won't get him another date, which is what he seemed to be hoping for. At the early stages of a relationship/dating, it's probably not a good idea to guilt trip the person you're seeing. Space knew she was a medical student; that's a pretty time consuming course, so it's likely she doesn't have time for such an intense relationship.
Many other girls probably would appreciate the attention though, so don't give up Space (just read Hopegrow's thread about not over-stretching yourself; it's a good idea not to start a relationship at a level you can't sustain. Those dinners must get exhausting after a while!)
Awwww, that is what I thought was rather beautiful, it almost sounds like my story as such apart from the bed part though but it seems like you were trying way too hard, and trying too hard is not always a good thing and not all girls like that.
I call her, no answer. I text her saying that I don't appreciate being blown off... Then I get a few messages. She says she is very busy, and very unsure of us as a couple. I tell her I care about her, and want to continue to see her from the heart. She says she needs some space to figure things out, and is very unsure. I text her back, and say I have to leave the ball in your court. You know how I feel, I will wait to hear from you.
That was almost 2 weeks ago. No response.
It's a signal saying that she needed a break or some space inbetween, too much of this and that would just be too much for a girl and you know how people would need some personal space at least so they can think and it's the same with males.
Should I just leave things be and move on? Or, should I text her and say we need to go for coffee and talk. If there is any chance of continuing the relationship, I want to seize it.
I am sick of being alone. All I do is work all the time, and I really miss her. I know the chances of me having a successful relationship are slim, due to my AS plus my job schedule.
Should I contact her one last time before I give up, or should I just leave her be and move on?
My suggestion to that post is that you should just leave her be and let her sort her mind out for a while, probably 2 weeks or a month if necessary or when she finally decides to contact you.
If nothing after like a month or longer, you could try contacting her again (which I wouldn't be too sure about).
Or otherwise just leave her and move on and yes, that bit really hurts and I've had to go through this on several occasions and now I'm officially put off being in relationships, I don't know how long that will last until but all I know is that, I can do so much just being single and be around friends that are really there and just keep yourself occupied so you don't think too much on it.
- SBI.
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Doesn't anybody want to talk on the phone anymore?
And this whole "she needs her space" BS. That's just a lame ass excuse to say "I have baggage that I don't want to deal with." But chances are that she won't use her space to figure things out, just use it to hide from her issues and you.
I suspect she has daddy issues.
If the ball is in her court, she will probably never serve.
I don't know the details to the relationship, but it sounds as though she gave you reason to believe that it was going farther than it did, and I don't THINK SHE'S BEING FAIR.
I think I do deserve an explanation when someone I just had sex with, who agreed to future plans between us, ceases all communication.
I went back on my word here, and I texted her back. Saying I want to have coffee and talk on thursday. She blew me off again... saying she is busy studying for finals and has no time... But it's "NOTHING PERSONAL"... jesus christ. She has finals, then it's christmas, then she moves to another city in january for at least a few months and won't be here anymore, except on weekends if she comes into the city.
I said I am busy too and not going to chase her. I say there's "busy" and then there's "emotionally unavailable".
She texts me back saying more or less that she thought she was going to have the feelings for me that she needed for a more serious relationship, but they didn't materialize. She says she "was a jerk for not communicating that. Sorry."
That's it.
Ok, fair enough. At least I got some honesty out of her. She doesn't feel the same way as me. I can accept that. This is not the first time I've had this happen, of course. No big deal really. At least I know now.
Time to move on.
I neither said nor implied guilt tripping her. I said given she had hurt him it was reasonable for him to "call her out" on it, and that I couldn't understand why you found that unacceptable.
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