Rejected again, I don't know how guys do it

Post Reply New Topic

Got turned down by a girl bc she said that she wasn't interested in my type of guy, but that am "really nice and sweet and some girls like that." She admitted to liking bad boys by flat out saying it. Some guys can get rejected and just shrug it off but it really hurts me. I feel sad and inferior because I've never met any girl who likes truly nice guys. I know many nice guys have self esteem issues and can be socially awkward giving the impression he will let the girl walk all over him, but there has to be some kind of girl who truly and I mean truly, not just liking fake nice guys, but a girl who would want my type. The aspie in me also makes me sound rather odd, but I still am extremely thoughtful and polite.
But yeah, rejection hurts, sadness tonight.

Last edited by Quincy27 on 04 Dec 2010, 10:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think she said the key phrase here - some girls like nice guys but most women go on flings with the typical alpha male. Just be lucky she disclosed this before you guys went onto 2nd base. Hang in there dude, take a break from looking for a date and relax and let this blow away in the wind.

Because I've never gotten a yes, it's consuming me and I feel really unattractive because of it. They say you shouldn't base your worth on what others think, but all these rejections have taken a huge toll on me and my self esteem.

Another problem I have is I become friends with girls who treat me like I'm a burden, will only talk to me online ignoring me if I ask them if she would want to hang out, and girls who will just stop talking to me because I'm expendable. I tolerate it because it's the best I can do.

Try getting to know the girl first, prove your value as a friend before directly asking someone out on a date if you haven't already done this. There are girls out there. If you don't mind waiting around, wait for the girls to talk to you. One thing that helped me: Remember that the girl chooses you, not usually the other way around. You can't judge a book by its cover.

If a girlfriend is what you want, put yourself in situations where you can encounter girls outside of school. Dating websites can help, coffee shops also work pretty well, as well as bookstores, video games stores less so, but still valid. Group activities are also a good way to meet girls but only if you are interested in the subject. Even a grocery store will work in an emergency.

Malls, not so much, as usually the girls are with other friends. IE -- a safe, public forum where you can really talk to the person, and get an idea on how good a match you are for each other. That's my best advice.

I believe that every guy has match with a girl, so keep looking.

for me I have no problem finding friends that are girls, but finding a girlfriend is hard for me.

First, I don't want to bust your bubble, but girls usually say that because they don't want to say "No, I'm not interested."

Also, don't try to hard. Girls hate that.

Find girls who are interested in the things you are. If you are in high school (I'm guessing you might be) start actively looking outside the school. That'll help you out, as someone with a bad reputation may have some trouble getting dates.

Don't go for who you find attractive, go instead for someone who is more similar to you. Hard to believe, but there are girls out there who are lonely too. In fact, block attractiveness completely out of the equation; self-confidence is a killer when it comes to dating. Just pay attention to the girls that pay attention to you; most people will have someone. Eventually.

I think alot of girls get tied up in the game, remember that 'Bad Boyez" can also display traits like: Humor, Romanticism, ability to treat a girl well, etc... Remember too that these 'Bad Boyez" often are very socially affluent and/or manipulative; they may very well have convinced girls they are nice guys. Usually more than one girl.

After that, it's out of your hands. It's luck mostly, but putting yourself in situations with those who might be similar to you is helpful.

I'm in HS? Mentally perhaps. Sadly I'm quite a bit older.

I've personally given up on talking to anyone who doesn't seem like they're on the level, typically I'm not attracted to much of anyone else anymore anyway. For most people there really isn't much flex room, chemistry is fickle and its also an aspect of a relationship that you can't control. Its not your fault, its not her fault.

My advice: if things aren't working out, take time out and just invest in yourself. Its both a sure way to up your enjoyment of life and up your real estate value and, if no one's interested in buying at that point, you're still coming out ahead.

A quick glance through the zillions of posts on this forum shows that many men here have done just this, only to find themselves in the friend zone and the girl won't date them because they didn't make a move early on.

Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 04 Dec 2010, 10:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, I knew this girl for a while.

Try actively finding/meeting girls, but focus first on friendship. One way to meet more women who may be interesting is simply by being friends with girls. Like I said, if the girl knows nothing about you, she may be uncomfortable dating you.

At 27, this is really hard at times, as you are getting older. Play into your interests if you can, that is the best way to make things work out. I guess I would try dating websites and coffee shops, or maybe just join some sort of local club/group.

The "Bad Boize" theory starts to fade out after college ends, and is replaced by the "Socially Affleunt" theory. We live in a world subject to intense fear-mongering, and people are not as open as they used to be to social interactions. The best way to impress a girl is through knowledge of the subject. Though it helps if you smell good too.

Friends are also a valuable resource here.

If you take too long to make a move, she will friend zone you, but if you move too fast, she could get uncomfortable, it's really a small window. I do all of what you mentioned above, getting out there is not a problem. I do everyday.

Women who prefer bad guys are a bit sick in my opinion - maybe victims of early sexual abuse, manic depressives, addictive personalities, bad homes, bad fathers, etc... or just plain immature to where they just haven't had enough of an arse whippin' to appreciate a truly decent guy. A lot of guys too don't want a nice girl. They want nice girls after whores drain their bank accounts and totally ruin them. Some ho's actually do you a favor by rejecting you -BUT it's not actually rejecting - it's simply not what they want. It doesn't make you inferior. If you pass up a bowl of soup for a sandwich, does it make the soup inferior? No, you just wanted the sandwich. Maybe you should try a road less traveled - a different race, older women, someone VERY successful, the HIGHLY intelligent/or all of the above. BUT they must be decent individuals!! Maybe women you'd never thought you'd score with because you certainly are not scoring with those broads you thought you could score with. Stay the hell away from alcoholics, junkies, women with 50 kids, cheaters, criminals, the abused, and the like. Start shooting your cupid arrow much higher toward the sunshine instead of down in F'n murky valleys. Women who want to give their love to a rotten scoundrel who couldn't appreciate it in a million years deserve the pain they get - they WANTED it - it was their CHOICE. Don't beat yourself up over their problems. It's not your problem.

Who says the "friend zone" is a horrible place to be? It's good to get acquainted with women as friends, because they may know somebody, or interactions with them socially may lead you to meeting someone who is interested. A good way to find a girlfriend is to find other girls who you can socialize with on a daily basis.

Girls are good at telling when you are looking for T&A or immediate relationship. Also, if you only go after someone high on the looks/social affluence scale and you have autism, well... you are probably out of luck.

Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea, and who says the one you want to catch is full of sugar, spice, and secret chemical X? Both sides don't have to be mutual when starting a relationship, but it helps.

It also helps if the girl likes you first. I think it was posted in the Alpha Male thingy, which I actually think was fairly accurate on some level. You can access a girl's interest immediately if they make active efforts to talk to you, but more importantly, a girl who likes you a lot will make active efforts to be around you.

Making brief eye contact with a girl and seeing if they smile back is a good way to do this.

Onto the dreaded friend zone:
The key, from what I've heard, is to 'make your intentions clear while not making your intentions clear';. My advice is not to seek out dates from Jump Street, but wait for her to express interest/compliment you, or try to insinuate your intentions of maybe wanting more than just friendship. (IE "Wow, that's so cool!" or "I really like your necklace... etc, etc.). You're asking her out, but usually a girl will make contact some other way if interest is there.

I really recommend just finding a way to talk to a girl for a while just as friends, and if you two share common interests, and mentalities, then things will start to work themselves out. I've often found that not including the word 'date' sort of helps too. 'Grab Lunch', 'See a Movie', etc. etc.. Come off as a non-threat as much as possible. Also, have a plan ready. Don't just 'Go out on a Date'. Go 'See a movie/music artist that she's into'. Go to a 'restaurant that serves the cuisine she likes', but not one that she's already been to. Find that local place that everyone talks about. Scout out your locations as much as you can. Make the evening sound enticing and exiting.

More importantly (and this is something ALOT of guys miss) act as if you are interested in her. Or better, seek girls out who are interested in something you are interested in or well-versed in. This is where seeking out those with common interests comes into play. Ask about her day, her life, what she does for a living, her favorite movie, etc. The key here is to embellish the upon the subject in ways that don't make it look like you aren't 'doing it because you like her'. Chivalry is great, but it's kind of awkward when you first meet. Hopefully, you can impress her through wits instead of brawn/social skills.

If you are obsessed with Zelda, tons of girls like that. If you are obsessed with pokemon, again a lot of girls play that too. There are also a surprising amount of girls living with their parents at age 23.

It's just a matter of finding them.

Have you ever had a girl talk to you for no real reason? Well, when that happens, find a way to respond and just see if it works out.