Is an Aspie dating a Narcissist a recipe for disaster?

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I'm seeing this woman, she has many narcissistic qualities, she admits that she does in rare moments of self-reflection, but appears oblivious to her own narcissism most of the time. She loves to relate how wronged she was by her ex-boyfriends, but when she relates what they actually said to her I find myself agreeing with the ex-boyfriends. I haven't told her but my thoughts are going something like "Yes you do use people, yes you do always put yourself first, yes you can be lazy, yes you are vain and conceited." For some reason I find those qualities endearing.

It's a recipe for something. Being taken advantage of probably.

Well if you find those traits endearing, then good for you. But be careful you don't get hurt.
If she's known for taking advantage of people - she will probably do the same thing to you.

I think anyone dating a really narcissistic person is a recipe for disaster.

Doesn't really seem like you're complaining I think that you're fine. Just make sure that she actually likes you, otherwise she could end up taking advantage of you (if that even bothers you).

Then it's a match!

It might work, as much as any relationship can stay normal with a Narcissistic personality. Some Aspies here seem very content to let the other person "drive" or be the center of attention in the relationship.

More cynically, the opportunities for some of us AS folks seem to be slim, so just the fact that an Aspie will put up with the behavior because they don't have many more options (which I don't think is total reality, btw, and no reason to stay in a relationship that turns abusive) might make it a relationship combo that will work.

I second this.

Having dated a bona fide narcissist once, I can tell you that you shouldn't expect to come out of this situation unscathed, emotionally speaking.

I second this opinion. I recently came out of a relationship with someone with deep narcissistic traits. These were like ingrained into her every fiber. When she was done using me and got what she wanted from the relationship, she threw me in the garbage like a broken dishrag.

I say be careful. You always have to be aware of people's motivations. I think her, my recent ex gf, motivation is that she needed someone to fill an emotional void for her, something she was missing. She found me, used me, and then was done when I filled her emotional void.

People like that tend to be broken themselves, emotionally that is, do be careful. Because when you fall in love and starts loving the lies and the deceit. Its a recipe for more than disaster. It can become kind of self destructive, loving poison that is.

Just be aware of people's motivations.

I agree, becareful you don't lose who you are if you decide to have a relationship with this type of person. You should never sacrifice yourself, your dreams, your best interests just to be in a relationship with someone who demands everything to be about them and everything done their way all the time.

Thanks guys. I'll be careful, but I am having fun for now. As far as the cynical thing goes, well yeah, she's the only woman in a long time that wanted a second date. She doesn't have the power to hurt me yet, but she'll get there if we keep going like this.

See my cynical point #2 above. I hear ya though, when it's a drought, almost anything liquid looks nice. Just keep your options open, because long-term, it isn't going to work out if she truly is a narcissist.

Well, if you do keep going like this, be careful. People like that are very good at manipulation, better than you (and everyone else) are at resisting it. So if you don't end it soon enough, here's what will happen. She will beg with you, and plead with you, then she will get all happy and horny and try to have sex with you, and then you will try to grab a condom, and she will tell you she is on birth control...yeah, we all know how this story ends. Or at least I know.

Whatever you do, DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER. And I don't mean vagina dentata. I don't mean to scare you or anything, but just be careful.

So why did you ask?

If you find yourself agreeing with her exes, it doesn't seem that it would work out. And if you think she is all those things, that doesn't sound good either. What do you mean you find them endearing? Are you sure you don't just want to sleep with her or something?

Are you some kind of nut! Get out of that right now. If you marry and have kids, they will have a narcissistic mother. She will REALLY F up their heads!! ! Man, snap out of it!! !! !!

My ex girlfriend was just like this, but she's also a very popular person. We had the most amazing sex, but we only met when SHE wanted to. She is the centre of the universe and nothing is more important than that (from her perspective). She's really cute, has big green eyes a healthy body and very nice thighs. I'm still trying to understand why she left me on valentines day this year for no clear reason, but now I'm the ass hole and she won't speak to me. I'm dating another girl now but I've never been able to let my ex go properly - but I will !

I also know what you mean by those things about her are endearing, I loved how she was. I loved how she behaved, her mannerisms and how she pouted whenever she wanted something. It's like how can somebody so cute and pretty be so horrible? It's sexy, but not realistic.

So believe me, if she is really that kind of person and if you're sensitive (like I admittedly am to this kind of thing) you will get hurt and it will take a long time to heal because you won't understand her logic - and she will kiss other men in front of you and act is if you meant nothing to her but a play thing. It's been a long time and this girl still makes my heart ache whenever I think of it.