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How do you win the heart of an aspie guy?

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RightGalaxy
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16 Dec 2010, 11:17 am

How?



Asp-Z
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16 Dec 2010, 11:19 am

Depends on the guy.



leejosepho
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16 Dec 2010, 11:20 am

Commitment and loyalty, sans demand or great expectation. And of course, good feedings never hurt!


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Last edited by leejosepho on 16 Dec 2010, 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

Laz
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16 Dec 2010, 11:20 am

A good bank account, a good cook and a healthy digestion 8)



menintights
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16 Dec 2010, 11:24 am

Aren't you married?



RightGalaxy
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16 Dec 2010, 11:32 am

menintights wrote:
Aren't you married?


Yes!! This is for my niece who is 19. She's head over heels in love with her friend for 5 years now and wants it to progress to a romance instead of a friendship. I figured I'd ask you guys for advice to give her. My husband and adult son are aspies but they won't give her advice because they don't like him because he's not in college like her and he does just HVAC work. They feel he's not her intellectual equal . They think he should stay a friend. My niece has plans. She wants him to work and save for the next three years and then she would like to marry him once she has her degree. She's studying electrical engineering. My guys can't see why she would want to marry Him. I'm not my husband's intellectual equal and he took me. He feels it's different because I'm a woman. He's old-fashioned.



menintights
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16 Dec 2010, 11:44 am

If she knows him for five years, what does she need us for? Do we look like we would know more about this boy than she does?

Quote:
She wants him to work and save for the next three years and then she would like to marry him once she has her degree.


This is something they both need to agree on. You should also tell your niece that she might have had a change of her heart by the time she graduates. Life's predictable like that.



MidlifeAspie
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16 Dec 2010, 11:46 am

We aren't all the same person. You understand that don't you? We aren't one big hive mind, nor are we all so damaged that we have become some homogeneous population of simple-minded individuals with a switch that can be pressed with insider knowledge.

Your question makes as much sense as asking how to win the heart of a brunette or a Norwegian.



leejosepho
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16 Dec 2010, 11:46 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
My husband and adult son ... don't like him because he's not in college like her and he does just HVAC work. They feel he's not her intellectual equal.

As you might already know, that could be quite good: Fewer intellectual conflicts ahead.

RightGalaxy wrote:
My niece has plans. She wants him to ... and then ...

As long as the two of them agree on the overall plan and she does not attempt to choreograph his life to her own end, I think she has already proved herself committed and loyal ...

Can she cook?


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RaquiGirl
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16 Dec 2010, 2:25 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
I'm not my husband's intellectual equal and he took me. He feels it's different because I'm a woman. He's old-fashioned.


If your niece likes him, no one else has any right to judge who she wants to date or why. Good for you for supporting her!

Personally, if the above is really what your husband thinks, he has a double standard that I think is just gross, let alone sexist and archaic. Men and women are different, yes... but suggesting that you are his intellectual inferior and that his acceptance of your inferiority because of your gender is "old fashioned" is not only perpetuating this sexist idea to the younger generations you both influence, but it's also buying into your own misogyny. Yuck.

I'm sure you meant to say that another way, right?


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RightGalaxy
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16 Dec 2010, 2:44 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
We aren't all the same person. You understand that don't you? We aren't one big hive mind, nor are we all so damaged that we have become some homogeneous population of simple-minded individuals with a switch that can be pressed with insider knowledge.

Your question makes as much sense as asking how to win the heart of a brunette or a Norwegian.


What don't you say that to every person that posts.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 16 Dec 2010, 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

RightGalaxy
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16 Dec 2010, 2:50 pm

RaquiGirl wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
I'm not my husband's intellectual equal and he took me. He feels it's different because I'm a woman. He's old-fashioned.


If your niece likes him, no one else has any right to judge who she wants to date or why. Good for you for supporting her!

Personally, if the above is really what your husband thinks, he has a double standard that I think is just gross, let alone sexist and archaic. Men and women are different, yes... but suggesting that you are his intellectual inferior and that his acceptance of your inferiority because of your gender is "old fashioned" is not only perpetuating this sexist idea to the younger generations you both influence, but it's also buying into your own misogyny. Yuck.

I'm sure you meant to say that another way, right?


It's all down to who's making more money. My husband holds a PhD. He makes bucks. I, on the other hand have a cheesy community college degree BUT got to stay home and raise my two sons because my husband was able to support us. I couldn't support them - we'd be very poor. They were able to have the best of things. If they had to depend on me, we'd be doing all of our shopping at the dollar store.



menintights
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16 Dec 2010, 3:50 pm

RaquiGirl wrote:
If your niece likes him, no one else has any right to judge who she wants to date or why. Good for you for supporting her!


This niece doesn't just want to date him, she wants to marry him. At only 19 years old.

In what world is it responsible to be supporting/encouraging her to chase after him? Not in mine.

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It's all down to who's making more money. My husband holds a PhD. He makes bucks. I, on the other hand have a cheesy community college degree BUT got to stay home and raise my two sons because my husband was able to support us. I couldn't support them - we'd be very poor. They were able to have the best of things. If they had to depend on me, we'd be doing all of our shopping at the dollar store.


Isn't your husband also the same person who laughed off the thing with your preteen son and his box of condoms even though you were so concerned about it you had to talk to a therapist about it?

Suddenly, I have a pretty good idea of what your husband is like and I'm so glad I'm not married to him.



RaquiGirl
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16 Dec 2010, 4:50 pm

menintights wrote:
This niece doesn't just want to date him, she wants to marry him. At only 19 years old.

In what world is it responsible to be supporting/encouraging her to chase after him? Not in mine.


I only meant that it was good that she supported her niece's choice of men to date. In my experience, every 19 year old girl wants to marry her boyfriend, so I suppose I didn't take that as seriously as I should have. :lol:

I also didn't feel like RightGalaxy was encouraging the specific relationship as much as she was just supporting her niece's right to make her own decisions about who to date at the age of 19 and discouraging her husband's and son's the judgment of her choices (albeit expressed as a somewhat passive-aggressive and subversive tactic).

menintights wrote:
Suddenly, I have a pretty good idea of what your husband is like and I'm so glad I'm not married to him.


I feel the same way.


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MidlifeAspie
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16 Dec 2010, 5:07 pm

menintights wrote:
This niece doesn't just want to date him, she wants to marry him.


Not only that but she has picked out a timeframe for marriage (in three years) and he doesn't seem to even be interested in her. The topic of the post is asking how to "win his heart". I am surprised that nobody else has picked up on how odd it is that a 19 year old girl has picked out a random future husband who is not even interested in her, and this has led to family discussions as to whether or not he is the right choice. Unless this is an arranged marriage of some type, it seems that she may have some pretty serious emotional problems that her family is feeding.



RaquiGirl
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16 Dec 2010, 5:09 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Unless this is an arranged marriage of some type, it seems that she may have some pretty serious emotional problems that her family is feeding.


I think that's a given.


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