Lady is Confusing Me

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A lady with disabilities like me said twice she wanted to go out with me. I with my support worker drove up to my apartment the other day and she was across the street walking. I chose to ignore her to see if she approached me. She did and I asked her again do you want to go out with me? She said yes and then I said wait there and I will give you my phone number. I went inside and she waited and I gave her the number.

In three days she has not called. I know she is very shy and has seemed to like me for 2 years by smiling and being very nice to me. However her not calling has me thinking that perhaps she is making me want her more? Or she is to shy? Or is playing a game? I don't want to spend to much time finding ladies to go out with as I am very happy with my job.

Ethically how many days should I wait for her phone call before accepting invitations to goto the movies with other local ladies?

Nathan Young

How is she to know to be the one to call you to arrange when to go out if you did not tell her to?

You should call her and make the arrangements.

I gave her my number and she said she would call. I didn't bother getting her phone number. I figure 14-days might be good? I am not in a hurry other then guy instincts.

Girls aren't the ones who do the chasing. You got to be the one to make plans. That's how it's always been; the girls don't have to do anything, we are the ones who are expected to initiate everything.

Sadly, I also give girls my number, but I know that isn't how it works. It takes a lot of courage to ask for a girls number, but that is what has to be done. It is easier for me to ask for a date than a girl's number. And, when I mean a date like asking out for coffee or something. I don't know how to ask for that number though.

I'm not sure because girls usually do that to me. If she don't want my cooties then oh well. I will wait tell Monday then move on. I don't think I need to chase anyone because I am not sure when harassment is technically valid.

If she's Aspie, then she's not necessarily good at 'reading minds'. How is she supposed to know when to call you? Also, if she's shy, as you say, then she might be wanting to call you, but too shy to do so, she might be too frightened to call you, thinking, what do I say, I'm too shy...

I'd think it was a bit weird if a guy gave me his number and told me to call him. Call me old fashioned, but I'd expect the guy to ask for my number and then to call me and arrange to go out on a date.

I'm baffled, though. If you know she's shy, why did you give her your number and tell her to call you? You're setting her up to fail.

As for going to the movies with other women, why not? You can be friends with other women and see movies with them, can't you?

ci, i actually prefer when men used to approach me the way you did it - by giving me their number instead of asking for mine. then i could choose whether to call. i liked having the ball in my court to make a decision instead of feeling pressured by a guy. if a guy asked me for my number, sometimes i would feel uncomfortable.

i think you did things differently from some other men, but there are definitely women who like that kind of approach. and 2 weeks is more than enough time to wait in my opinion. if she takes longer than that to call, then she can't reasonably be expecting you to wait for her.

Fine then next time I will ask a lady for her phone number. But when I do know she does not want me to call her? I don't really want to or imagine that I can spend much time on figuring these details out. I suppose knowledge acquired comes with time and experience. I've had two girls so obsessed with me they got violent in front of others because I was not going to go out with her and the other because she was abused before.

People are kind of protective of me and say go out with one lady but then sometimes play games like they like someone else not me then stair at me and smile. So I am kind of burned out and I figure like with this one others told her I liked her then she said she would go out but now this. In the 5th grade a girl did chase me and I had no interest in those things at the time and it was very disruptive.

If people would just be more honest there would be less war and more of the love making. I have an idea as their are disability dances here where people ware a certain color sticker meaning they are available and another color for not available \ not looking. That way I can just go up to someone and say want to go out on a date.

This is getting complicated again.

You're not yet in a relationship so you're not ethically required to wait any amount of time. I'm not good with calling people either. I managed to break the ice with my partner of 9 years (a former co-worker) via email and chat boxes.

It would be very rude if in a few days she calls and wants to go out in a date and then another girl I was arranging a date with had already agreed. I do not have ladies that are just friends to go out to the movies with. My motives are entirely male instinct.

I think if someone wants to go on a date and says yes they might want me to think about them allot and want her more maybe then call days or a week or more later. She wants to see if I like her enough to wait and want her more? This all requires psychics which are not real.

Man, you seriously BLEW IT!

She opened her heart to you and you blew her off instead of saying "come up now and we will have a cup of coffee."

Now you are waiting for OTHER girls to ask you out.

I wish I was so popular that I could reject girls and wait for others to make a move on me.

If he gave her the number and didn't ask for hers, then it's obvious she is the one intended to do the arranging.

ci: next time ask for her number and arrange the date yourself.

So would it be ok to go up to random people I do not know and ask if they want to go out on a date and hand them a card with my written phone number? That way a person is not pressured. All this trying to figure out who is available and not is not efficient. I suppose this is a new kind of marketing in dating. I call it direct marketing potentials.

I have tried giving girls my card, and it has not worked. You need to get the number yourself. In this world, the guy has to make the moves including asking for the date, initiating holding hands, initiating the first kiss, and initiating sex in most instances. I didn't make up the rules, but that is the way things are. Do I wish things were different? Yes. Will they change? No.