My friend said something interesting yesterday.

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

kruger4
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 264

20 Dec 2010, 9:13 am

He said that if you look into a womans eyes and you look away first that it's a sign of weakness. Now my friend can be pretty dumb at times and he thinks he knows more about women than he does but is there some truth to this? To me it makes sense and I'm definitely going to apply it but what I don't understand is, where did he get this knowledge from? No matter what site on the internet I've been to that was about dating ever mentioned anything about this, I have never seen anyone recommend this to someone else. It makes total sense so why hasn't anyone said this before? What do you guys think about it?



Laz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Dec 2005
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,540
Location: Dave's Toilet

20 Dec 2010, 9:21 am

Weakness? I'd of thought it was respectful not to stare at someone so directly

I guess it is a non-verbal gesture of submission. Whereas to continue to stare is an act of aggression/dominance?



TB
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 531
Location: netherlands

20 Dec 2010, 10:12 am

he is right, looking away almost instantaneous after making eye contact is interpreted as lack of confidence/shy etc.
its interesting to experiment with it, like you almost behave like you are in slowmotion mode and take some extra time for everything you do (like eye contact).



EnglishLulu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2006
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 735

20 Dec 2010, 10:45 am

Laz wrote:
Weakness? I'd of thought it was respectful not to stare at someone so directly

I guess it is a non-verbal gesture of submission. Whereas to continue to stare is an act of aggression/dominance?
It depends. Different cultures have different perspectives.

Not so much staring, but gaining and maintaining eye contact while people are talking to you, that's quite a European (and maybe North American?) thing.

But some cultures (e.g. African/Caribbean and some Asian cultures) consider that looking other people in the eyes is interpreted as aggressive.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

20 Dec 2010, 10:47 am

I'd say it's more to do with shyness than weakness. Shyness is a natural reaction to someone you like, so there's something in that, but the weakness thing is BS IMHO.



deadeyexx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 758

20 Dec 2010, 11:07 am

Actually, it's in a lot of material about dating. Quickly breaking eye contact is seen as submissive in the animal world. It's not very relevant advice though.

I think it has a second meaning with humans that's not so positive. Catching someone's glance and holding it can often be interpreted and an invitation to approach. Looking away quickly in that case means they don't want to talk to you.



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

20 Dec 2010, 12:00 pm

Sometimes submission is the right course of action. Don't start staring everyone out, that's almost as bad an no eye contact at all. Eye contact is usually conducted in rhythmical patterns, not sustained bursts. Timing is meaningful though.


_________________
Not currently a moderator


MidlifeAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,016

20 Dec 2010, 1:29 pm

I guess I would stand back and look at his track record before I gave any weight to his advice. Does he seem to have relationships pretty well figured out?



Mindslave
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,034
Location: Where the wild things wish they were

20 Dec 2010, 2:11 pm

Well, think of it this way. If a person looks at you, and breaks contact right away, what would you think? If you are a guy, and a girl looks away first, it probably means to approach her. If a guy looks away first, it means she is supposed to approach him. Men are *supposed* to approach women. Humans are animals too, and the same thing is true in the jungle.

Now, this is kind of oversimplified, what your friend said, but he is right.



happymusic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,165
Location: still in ninja land

20 Dec 2010, 2:27 pm

I've never once in my life thought about a man being submissive to me because he looked away when I looked at him. I'd just see it as him looking away, that's it. Maybe if I thought he was interested in me and I looked up to see him looking at me and he quickly looked away I might find it amusing, like "haha, caught you". If a man is submissive or dominant in nature, there will be way more clues than whether he looks at me or not.

Women are people, with minds - we won't go into a dangerous rage if you look us in the eye or wave red fabric in front of us.



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

20 Dec 2010, 9:43 pm

it seems like i'm either staring too long or alternately not even looking in a person's direction. i don't like to be the first to break eye contact on those occasions when i am looking someone in the eye. i think i am a bit wary at times.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

21 Dec 2010, 4:32 am

One of the best pieces of advice my mum gave me was to look someone in the eye when you've finished talking, because it signals to the other person that it's their turn to speak. If having done this you look away immediately, that's okay. It's your turn to listen. :)



Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

21 Dec 2010, 2:57 pm

Staring Contests = childish


_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.


silver22
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 Nov 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 137
Location: Australia

21 Dec 2010, 5:59 pm

if I see a girl who I am interested in I will look away... but I will look back on several occasions to see if she is looking at me. From what Iv seen girls do a similar thing and this back and forth of little glances can be somewhat exciting. I think it depends on the person as to whether they will find someone looking away from them as a sign of weakness.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

21 Dec 2010, 6:00 pm

silver22 wrote:
if I see a girl who I am interested in I will look away... but I will look back on several occasions to see if she is looking at me. From what Iv seen girls do a similar thing and this back and forth of little glances can be somewhat exciting.


That's the general idea, but a girl at my college kept looking at me in lessons even though she didn't seem too interested in actually talking to me at all, so you never really know...



Volodja
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 814

21 Dec 2010, 6:06 pm

I think it depends on the kind of vibe you give off already. A confident, extroverted "cool" guy maintaining eye contact would probably work in his favour, but a shy, autistic guy doing it would usually come across as creepy imo.

I mean I tried to imagine a cool guy doing this, and then I imagined myself doing it. I reckon if I did it, they would just think I was a weirdo :P