difficulties in telling someone my emotions

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Hello soulmates,

I noticed the following: often when i want to describe my emotions, then I just say "I had fear...." or I don't tell it. I hardly tell anyone my feelings (also not) in words, I seem to avoid this.

This sounds abit like alexithymia (which is common with ASD), but my question is not why we can describe our feelings so poorly (i think the reason is, we didn't train that so much), but *why* don't we tell our feelings to others?

I asked myself, why didn't i tell my feelings to her? And what came up to me was, that i didn't want to manipulate her, or didn't want that she has the same troubles then too. Let me explain this better: I always go the feeling that telling someone else my feelings could trouble her, so i don't want to share my troubles too often.

And another thing is, I didn't want to tell her how much I love her, because I didn't want that only her feelings are affected when deciding if she gets with me together. This always seems like manipulation to me. She should decide by heart, but also with her head.

Can anyone relate to this?

thanks,
anton

I do not look at someone telling me how they feel as manipulative. To me that is what a partnership is about, I truly want to know how he is feelings. However, it is very difficult for me to get him to tell me how he feels, so I believe that this is common in people with AS.

Also a big part of the decision on whether or not to be in a relationship does involve knowing how the person feels about you. I need to know these things in order to make sure that I am not foolishly falling in love with someone who does not love me. If you can find a way to share your feelings with her, you will indeed be doing her a big favor and making her life much easier.

for me I think it has a lot to do with the fact that all my life when I tell people how I feel, they tell me its stupid to feel that way, or inappropriate, or that feeling that way somehow makes me weak or worthless in their eyes. So now, even when I want to talk about how I feel, it won't come out. I just know as soon as I say anything, I'm going to be attacked for saying it.

I have a hard time telling people my feelings to. I wasn't aware that I could have strong emotions until I was in a relationship years ago. I kept trying to express my feelings to her but I felt like I $#cked at it. I felt like words were not meaningful enough Anyone can say that they love someone or that they feel a certain way about something but that doesn't mean they actually feel it or that the other person can understand how they really feel. I never tell anyone offline about my feelings because I'm a very private person offline. I was bullied a lot & I've always had major problems making friends so I never really had a close friend offline. Trying to tell others my feelings causes people to get very weirded out; they think I'm crazy or that I have lots of issues & they don't want to be bothered. Lots of people ask questions like "How are you doing" simply so they can appear polite & they do not really care/want to know or they don't have time.

Half the time I don't even know myself so of course I can't describe it.

People belittle, contradict, don't understand, don't care about, or don't believe my feelings. Like I'd tell someone that I'm worried about something going on with someone else & they tell me that I'm just saying that because they think that I only care about myself. I tell someone that I'm nervous about going to a party or something with em because of my anxiety; they simply tell me to go & not worry about my anxiety or they tell me to quit making up excuses & just say that I don't want to go. Opening up my feelings to someone tends to cause my feelings to get hurt