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Grisha
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20 Dec 2010, 5:19 pm

I am soooooo f*cking sick of NTs asking me "Are you OK?" every 30 seconds.

Of course it's well-meaning, so I don't get angry, it's just really annoying.

I've actually had drivers stop, roll their windows down and ask me if I was "OK" when I was just standing waiting to cross the street.

Friends, co-workers, dates, I hear this question about 20x a day (or at least it feels that way)

I always say "yes" and that seems to satisfy them for a minute or two and then they ask again.

Does this happen to anyone else here?

Is there some way I can contort my facial muscles to signal to NTs that I am, in fact, "OK"?

I don't think there's a "cure" for it, but I am very curious if anyone else has this happen to them...

PS I also get "what's wrong?" a lot too...



Aimless
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20 Dec 2010, 5:29 pm

I used to get this all the time. For some reason after antidepressants it stopped. I think my face just didn't quite "hang" as much. It didn't occur to me til I read it somewhere, that some people use this as a power trip. They ask it to disconcert you and make you feel insecure.



League_Girl
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20 Dec 2010, 5:33 pm

I have gotten it in the past. I get very irritated when I get asked the same thing over and over. then I am not okay because of the fricken same question they keep asking.

My response would be "No I am not okay because you keep asking me if I am like every thirty seconds so stop and then I will be."

I don't get it. How is someone supposed to be okay if you ask them it like every few minutes? It's a way to make them get angry and then they are not okay so what do they expect? :roll:


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chrissyrun
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20 Dec 2010, 5:36 pm

Some peoples faces just look sad naturally :?
I get this when I am doing weird things though.
Like it was right after a cross-country meet, and the sidewalk was THE perfect temp (oh, and it was sprinkling)...heaven.
So instead of lying in my stuffy bed, I relaxed on the sidewalk.
I had a car stop to ask me if I was ok (someone from church), a neighbor, and even my mom.
So yeah, when I do weird things, people ask if I am ok.
I just say yep, why do you ask, and I explain it. (like the sidewalk thing).
Or if it is from my facial expressions (like what you are talking about), I say it all peppy, and they leave me alone.



madbirdgirl
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20 Dec 2010, 5:36 pm

Aimless wrote:
It didn't occur to me til I read it somewhere, that some people use this as a power trip. They ask it to disconcert you and make you feel insecure.

Is that so? That's really interesting. I had a sneaking suspicion it was something people did to feel better about themselves but I thought I was just being paranoid.



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20 Dec 2010, 5:50 pm

madbirdgirl wrote:
Aimless wrote:
It didn't occur to me til I read it somewhere, that some people use this as a power trip. They ask it to disconcert you and make you feel insecure.

Is that so? That's really interesting. I had a sneaking suspicion it was something people did to feel better about themselves but I thought I was just being paranoid.


I think that's only some people. My theory is for most people, they aren't really concerned whether you're OK but somehow when they see someone looking hangdog or confused it brings out an aggressive response. I think it's kind of an instinctual impulse to attack someone they perceive as weaker than they. People suck.



Grisha
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20 Dec 2010, 6:03 pm

Aimless wrote:
madbirdgirl wrote:
Aimless wrote:
It didn't occur to me til I read it somewhere, that some people use this as a power trip. They ask it to disconcert you and make you feel insecure.

Is that so? That's really interesting. I had a sneaking suspicion it was something people did to feel better about themselves but I thought I was just being paranoid.


I think that's only some people. My theory is for most people, they aren't really concerned whether you're OK but somehow when they see someone looking hangdog or confused it brings out an aggressive response. I think it's kind of an instinctual impulse to attack someone they perceive as weaker than they. People suck.


I never had this impression, I just thought people were mistakenly, but genuinely concerned. They could actually be being aggressive and it would go right over my Aspie head though - and the instinctual (and irrational) implies to attack anyone different or weaker I believe is very real and could merit it's own thread, I've been dealing with it my whole life and have the physical/emotional scars to prove it.

Did you see "Inglorious Basterds"? In the opening scene the evil SS officer muses on the difference between a rat and a squirrel, why we hate one but not the other even though it makes no rational sense...



Aimless
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20 Dec 2010, 6:07 pm

Grisha wrote:
Aimless wrote:
madbirdgirl wrote:
Aimless wrote:
It didn't occur to me til I read it somewhere, that some people use this as a power trip. They ask it to disconcert you and make you feel insecure.

Is that so? That's really interesting. I had a sneaking suspicion it was something people did to feel better about themselves but I thought I was just being paranoid.


I think that's only some people. My theory is for most people, they aren't really concerned whether you're OK but somehow when they see someone looking hangdog or confused it brings out an aggressive response. I think it's kind of an instinctual impulse to attack someone they perceive as weaker than they. People suck.


I never had this impression, I just thought people were mistakenly, but genuinely concerned. They could actually be being aggressive and it would go right over my Aspie head though - and the instinctual (and irrational) implies to attack anyone different or weaker I believe is very real and could merit it's own thread, I've been dealing with it my whole life and have the physical/emotional scars to prove it.

Did you see "Inglorious Basterds"? In the opening scene the evil SS officer muses on the difference between a rat and a squirrel, why we hate one but not the other even though it makes no rational sense...


Well, sometimes I think too much. :wink: I could be over analyzing. Inglorious Basterds as it happens is next on my Netflix queue.



happymusic
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20 Dec 2010, 6:18 pm

Yeah people do this to me, too. I have no idea why. There's no correct way to answer it because it carries an assumption. I don't know how to respond to it except through a silent stare. I have no words.



billsmithglendale
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20 Dec 2010, 6:33 pm

If people are literally stopping on the street to ask you, this might be better evidence RE: your blind date thread that indeed something visual with your facial expressions (your face looks quite nice, so it's not that) is setting people off. Very much worth delving into with a professional.



Asp-Z
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20 Dec 2010, 6:34 pm

Yeah, I get this all the time, and yeah, it's very annoying.



Grisha
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20 Dec 2010, 6:35 pm

Quote:
Well, sometimes I think too much. :wink:


Me too - except for the "sometimes" part... :wink:



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20 Dec 2010, 6:36 pm

Some people just love sticking their noses in other people's business. Sometimes I get this on a day when I'm not as energetic as usual. Nothing's wrong, I just didn't get enough caffeine or something. I can't be Speedy Gonzales every day. :roll:



jayroo79
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20 Dec 2010, 6:39 pm

I used to get this all the time in highschool. I literally had to train my face into a smile to keep people from pestering me all the time and asking if I was ok.


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20 Dec 2010, 6:43 pm

If this is really happening to you "every 30 seconds" then I think you need to consider that you are putting something out there in the way of your body language or expression that is off-putting to the general public. This could also explain your dating problem.



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20 Dec 2010, 7:13 pm

I don't get that as often, but I do occasionally get asked if something is wrong. My neutral expression looks a lot like other people's sad or thoughtful expressions.


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