Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

Brianruns10
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,089

21 Dec 2010, 12:47 pm

I've got an OKCupid profile going, and I've been working hard, writing people every day. Trying to be open minded, and going for a range of people. Basically struck out. One person responded then disappeared, leading me to believe she was fake to begin with. Another chatted with me for a while, but won't talk to me anymore. That's it. Problem now is I'm running out of people! Starting more and more to see the same ones I've already messaged. People are running out. There seriously is no one left. Everyone is taken, or thinks they can do better than me.

And believe me, I'm not going after 10s. What I like about OKCupid is it's mostly regular people. And my standards are pretty fluid. Really the only two deal breakers are regular smokers, and people who are morbidly obese (I'm a 50-60 miles a week runner, so I just can't have someone as sedentary as an obese person. And I just don't find them attractive, but I don't think that is unreasonable). In fact, I've tried to avoid anyone too hot, because it's doubtful they'd write back, and likely they're probably fakes (which I've already fallen for once). Christ, if I can't even make it with regular people...



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

21 Dec 2010, 1:32 pm

okay, two possibilities, and you know it's very much a number game and some sites are better than others:

1) consider people three, five years older than you, not as the only people, but maybe pay them some extra attention

2) do go after the people you think are hot. Not in a plastic sense, which has never really appealed to me, but maybe someone who's athletic and good-looking, and/or someone who looks like they might be artistic, activist (which appeals to me a lot). But anyway, someone who appeals to you a lot, and then get to know them light-touch, medium-touch. But in honesty, I guess it's hard to have light-touch when you've paid money to the site and have had expectations built up.



Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 21 Dec 2010, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,280
Location: Pacific Northwest

21 Dec 2010, 1:34 pm

I can relate. I have had people talking to me and then they quit. This be with friendship only of course. Most of the time we just lose contact because we run out of things to talk about or had nothing else to say.

Who knows, maybe they decided you weren't for them or you came off wrong to them. I always figured I scared people away. But the men were always the one messaging me. I was the one who chose to ignore messages because I wasn't interested in them due to location or they were creepy so I ignored them. They didn't even bother to read my profile right to see I only wanted men who lived certain miles from me. I don't think they read it all. Only skimmed it. This be before I was married and before I met my husband.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


Volodja
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 814

21 Dec 2010, 1:37 pm

Are you sending out generic messages? Do all your messages sound roughly the same?

I think women on these sites can tell when a guy is just messaging any girl in his area, and it would put them off. Make sure you make the messages sound personal. Ask her something about an interest she's listed which you also share (for example)

If you're already doing this, then ignore the above.

Also what kind of length are they? A lot of very short ones (hey, what's up? / hi, wanna chat some time? etc etc) just get ignored. But don't make them too long either. Just a couple sentences imo and an open question.

Obviously this is all just the way I see it myself, and you might already be doing what I said, but that's the only half-decent advice I can think of for this