Lovestruck and need advice on how to control it

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I'm in LOVE with my best friend. At first I was kinda "Ehh.....he's cute, funny, and we share similar intrest." but now it's a "It's now or never, I must say I love you like I mean it.". I'm not going into detail but we share some history as far as somethings go. He's got some emotional problems, more severe than mine but still we have some history. I refuse to go in to detail, I told him I never would after past events. The main problem is that I love him and he says after certain things he can't expirience love anymore.

I don't want to start creeping him out. If we can't love each other, we can still be friends but from day one I've known "Wow, he's like a twin only opposite gender". HELP????

You can't make a person love you, and if he doesn't see you as anything more than a friend, that isn't likely to change. With guys, it's not easy to transition from friend to "love interest" or vice versa. This is something about women that I've often found curious and somewhat frustrating. It's just difficult to get across that if you just want to be a friend, that's fine but there's no changing your mind later. Women seem to be able to switch back and forth much easier. For me, if someone is a friend, I don't really think of them any other way. I've had some girls who were friends since childhood, but I couldn't date any of them, because it literally feel like dating a cousin or sister. How long have you been friends? The longer you've known him, the less likely he's suddenly going to be romantically interested.

That being said, you have to talk to him about it. You can't hold it in. Saying something like "I can't experience love" may be an actual concern or it may simply be his way of saying "I'll never fall in love again". Either way, I wouldn't stand upon the literal truth of that statement as a reason for not expressing your feelings. The important thing is that you're stuck emotionally until you get some resolution, bad or good. You have two possible outcomes. 1.) He shares your feelings, or at least feels something enough to give it a go, or 2.) He has no interest in you "that way". These two possibilities are the same if you tell him tomorrow, or if you wait 2 years for him to work through w/e personal issues he has. If you tell him tomorrow and it's 2, then you will at least be able to come to a clear understanding of your relationship, and begin the process of moving on. If you wait 2 years and it's 2, then you have the same result, and you've spent two years waiting that you could have met someone else, and it probably won't be a very pleasant 2 years emotionally.

Is there a possibility that waiting around in a platonic unrequited love situation for two years will make him more likely to fall in love with you? Yes, there is a possibility, but actually that possibility is there regardless of whether you confess your feelings or not. You could wait a year, give up, then he could come back 5 years later and suddenly want a romantic relationship.

I guess what I'm saying is that the only thing you have any control over is you. If you have feelings for the guy, tell him. If the answer is no, it will hurt like hell, but then it will be over, and you can move on. If you wait around for X amount of time and the answer is still no, it will still hurt like hell, and then you'll also be bitter about having wasted a somewhat large chunk of your life on an unattainable guy.

EDIT: Just noticed you were 17. That's a very young age and you probably shouldn't be looking for a life partner. My advice stands, because it's logical one way or the other. At your age, realize that you're young and there will probably be many many more opportunities for you to fall in love. The adult thing to do is communicate your feelings as best you can, and respect the other person's decision whether to pursue a relationship or not. Don't know how good a relationship you have with your parents, but talking to them might help. I almost guarantee one or both have been in this situation and can give better advice than people on a message board.

You have the advantage. Any girl can seduce almost any guy if she wants to.
Just be sure you are doing the right thing and not about to mess up your life or his.

Gonna take some discipline, but lets look at things at an objective angel.

Do you feel you can't go on with the friendship any further? If its been from day one.. sounds like there's been a 1 sided romantic interest the whole time. Friendships tend to start with both people feeling neutral romantically.

As posted.. you are young, ask yourself what you expect from a relationship? Just because he can be the perfect friend doesn't mean he can be a perfect boyfriend. If you guys date and then decide you're not right for each other, chances are the friendship won't be coming back. Is that something you can live with?

This is only true if all you want is sex. It is very easy to get most, but not all, guys in bed with you, as long as he doesn't find you totally unattractive physically. The problem is that if the guy isn't really attracted to you on any other level, then he'll start distancing himself afterward when he realizes he doesn't want to commit to you long-term.

Is it really now or never, or can you wait a bit longer? If you don't want to "creep" him out, timing can be essential. How you do it could contribute to success too. Be careful, and be sure of what you really want. Good luck.

Well this is what helped me a lot with dealing with my crushes.

Well first of all, understand that love isn't really a natural force. Its really just a sugar-coated word for lust. We live in a natural economy where human beings demand certain things even when it comes to people. Even with your own family, the reason why you may "love" your family is because you have such a strong demand for it and you only get one true family. So the supply is short and your demand it high, that's what makes you feel like you "love your family. When you have a crush on someone, you need to realize that its just your body demanding that person for a particular reason.

If you're very determined to have this person then what you need to find out is what they demand in a relationship. It may turn out you can't satisfy that and you should probably just move on. Relationships are replacable, that's why we have divorce. Of course always tell your parents and your spouse that you love them. As long as the idea exists between the two of you, its as real as anything. But don't beat yourself up if you don't satisfy his demands. Leave him behind and move on.

Before you guys call me emo, yes I have dated, yes I have been around the relationship block. I'm not whining, I'm just trying to help.

Last edited by countzarroff on 24 Dec 2010, 12:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Crushes are the devil. They ruin friendships.

But he IS attracted to you. You are already best friends, right?
If you add love and sex into the relationship then he is yours, body and soul.
Just be sure that is what you really want because you will destroy him if you dump him.

do it dump him!!

naw I kid, but could you imagine?!

I am not at all sure that men and women CAN have friendships.

Yes, I can be professional with a woman at work. I can like her and respect her and joke with her, but being involved in her personal life is a big "no no".

Show me a "friendship" and I will show you one person who secretly loves the other and is hoping to be appreciated.

In my youth I had a couple of girls say to me "I think of you as a brother".
Wohah... stop it right there. I am NOT going to be the pathetic wimp to comfort a girl every time her latest worthless boyfriend does her wrong.

Screw her! She can see me as a man and a partner or she can get lost!

The only exception to this rule is if she is my sister or cousin.

Unfortunately for some people that is the best way to go about it. You will be much less happier being the psychiatrist than not having anything to do with them. Sometimes the only way for someone to appreciate good qualities is not to make them free.

Yes they can, silly. I'm friends with a few women.

'Controlling' it may be a losing proposition, as when you learn to control it and inherently start applying that skill set things stop going your way. Its a good trick if you feel like you're constantly under attack from outside forces (or at least constantly feel like your being unbalanced and in danger of toppling) and thus your mental health trumps other needs but, it seems like when it comes to gaining interest it needs pure unadulturated emotion rather than emotion coming from a rational place. I could be wrong, maybe this has just been my luck, but it seems like any time you jam instincts it has grating long-term repercussions.