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Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 7:25 pm

I myself am not a mysoginist but i know a few aspie guys that are women haters. do you think a loner who is an aspergerse male can develop a strong hatred of women over time because of failed romantic encounters with the oppostie sex? many aspie traits esspecially in men in there early 20's are not appealing to women at all such as lack of eye contact and lacking iniative etc......

I thin i have AS but i am entereing a relationship with a girl i met at college.

do you think males with aspergers can be at risk of being a mysoginist becuase of negative experiences with females. it makes sense if you think about it becuse girls can be very cruel sometimes esspecially to guys with AS.



Moog
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19 Dec 2010, 7:50 pm

Yes.


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Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 8:02 pm

Moog would you say that it could even be misdiagnosed?



DaWalker
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19 Dec 2010, 8:04 pm

Humans can be cruel, aspergers or not.
Learn from people you have bad encounters with.
Get honest with yourself why it didn't work or it will happen again.



Volodja
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19 Dec 2010, 8:06 pm

I think AS guys are often misogynistic , from what I've seen on here at least.

Lack of success with women is no excuse though. It's OUR problem, not theirs



Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 8:13 pm

Well its not always our fault. I can imagine many aspie tratis in men not being appealing at all to females and obviously the more the guy gets knocked back by women the more built up and anger and resentment he will feel inside. Girls can be quite bitchy as well remember.



Volodja
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19 Dec 2010, 8:15 pm

But that's still our problem. Our AS. Our personalities. Women don't owe it to us to be attracted to us and if they're not, then that's something we just have to deal with



DaWalker
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19 Dec 2010, 8:18 pm

Volodja wrote:
Women don't owe it to us to be attracted to us and if they're not


Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :!:



Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 8:24 pm

The thing is though is that aspie behaviour when it comes to attracting the oppostie sex is more acceptable in women but the male role is a lot harder.

Like someone on this site said "An awkward guy is bound to have the door slammed in his face after a few seconds"



Volodja
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19 Dec 2010, 8:30 pm

That might be true but is that any excuse to start being misogynistic? If women don't like you, they don't like you. Nothing you can do about it other than dealing with it or trying to be more confident/assertive etc



Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 8:34 pm

Well a lot of men i know with aspegers complain about how much women expect men to do in relationships and that it is really unfair the amount of hoops men have to jump through just to get a relationship or dating compared to females.

Listen I am not saying this is a fact or anything but obviosusly some men with aspergers are women haters.

And yes I agree if women do not like you they do not like you but for someone with AS I am guessing that is harder to deal with and except the prefrences of others than it is for a typical NT guy.



chaotik_lord
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19 Dec 2010, 10:25 pm

I think so, yes.

I believe it is a learned aversion. There are many traits expressed by the female (perhaps NT, perhaps not) that all aspies find alarming. The empathic emphasis . . . certain things with seminal meaning to them that might seem ridiculous to us. I don't think it has anything to do with pursuing the female; as a gay man with similar tendencies I'm ready to attest to that. It is not (solely) about romantic rejection.

But these social expectations can appear alarming and bizarre; even in nonromantic situations, these expectations can seem extreme and incomprehensible. Considering how much this particular perspective drives modern culture, we may find ourselves resentful and confused.

I'm still trying to analyze this one myself. But yes, I think it happens. I feel affection for some women I have met, but not many . . . one a socially avoidant tomboy, one a down-to-earth lesbian, one a humourous subversive. None of the average persuasion, including my bubbly, friendly sister whom I cannot accept or love in the proper, expected sense.

If we were aspie females, we would interpret this feeling differently. But we are not.

It's hard not to blame the greater majority for typical behaviors. It can be a fearful thing.



Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 10:30 pm

I am just perplexed about how difficult it is for men in particular to establish relationships......... I mean its unfair that society expects all men to behave a certain way in the dating and relationship world its just unfair and injusitice becasue every men is different. I guess the shy men have way lower success rates than confident outgoing men.

Unfourtantly from experience the shy men with AS are the ones who are lonely for most of thier lives (sorry if i offended anyone by that statement)

Ironicly aspie traits in women are actually liked by NT men.



Moog
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19 Dec 2010, 10:39 pm

Yep. But like it's been said before in this thread and in dozens of others, There's only two reasonable options; 1. work at getting better at getting girlfriends. 2. get over it, do something else.

If you're looking for sympathy because you can't get a girl, then there's the haven, but the old 'aspie girls have it easier' thing has been done to death in here, and no one has much time for it. And you aren't going to shift societal values in a hurry.


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Jamesy
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19 Dec 2010, 10:45 pm

I have just started a relationship with a girl from college a few days ago actually but i am just saying it must be fustrating for some men with AS to establish relatsionships thats all.

Listen Moog can you understand that is very hard when you want a girlfriend and you want to have sex and really its you cannot just get over something like that.



Moog
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19 Dec 2010, 10:52 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I have just started a relationship with a girl from college a few days ago actually but i am just saying it must be fustrating for some men with AS to establish relatsionships thats all.

Listen Moog can you understand that is very hard when you want a girlfriend and you want to have sex and really its you cannot just get over something like that.


Yes, I know very well.


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