I'm into someone: now what?

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This is a classic situation that I've seen lots of Aspies struggling with before on this forum (I just made an account, but I've been browsing anonymously for a while), and now I'm having an issue with it myself...

There's this girl in my class at college, she's pretty and I really like her. And, I think she likes me back. I'm a pretty typical Asperger's guy; I'm very nerdy (my passion is computers), socially awkward, and intelligent (my IQ is 130+). Obviously, this makes me quite unique when compared with my peers, but she seems to think my eccentricities are "cute". We have engaging debates about world affairs and other things, and that's what makes us tick- she's attracted to my sagacity and awkwardness, and I'm attracted to her energetic personality and looks.

However, that's as far as I can get. The only subjects I ever come up with as fruitful topics of conversation are computer programming (which I swiftly learned isn't exactly the world's most potent aphrodisiac) and rote information relating to the class. Did we have any homework? When's our next exam again? It's slightly depressing, in retrospect, because that's really the only way I can think of communicating with her. When I examine other NT males in similar situations, they thrive with cute smalltalk and social trivialities, stuff that doesn't come naturally to me at all. I feel that even if I did memorize some of the phrases they use, it wouldn't feel natural and I'd come off as fake and unoriginal.

I understand that (correct me if I'm wrong) that this is a typical state of affairs that many AS individuals find themselves in: really attracted to a certain male or female, but failing to find the right way to communicate without coming across as rude, cocky, or disrespectful. And it certainly doesn't help my social skills much when you take into account the other effects of Asperger's as well (for example, I strongly dislike eating with other people, along with attending parties and other social events). How can we, as Asperger's hopefuls, find a solution to this common problem?

Thanks for any responses, and I'm glad that I finally joined the WP community.

Small talk is just an ice breaker. If you are discussing world affairs with her, you have already broken the ice.

If you would like to further your relationship with her, perhaps you should try to learn more about her as a person. You could ask her what she likes to do outside of school. Why did she choose her major? You could invite her for some coffee to talk outside of school. You might even invite her to see a movie, or to a place you have never been before like a museum or to see some type of show.

Yeah, step two is to hang out with her outside of school. As Chronos said, ask her what she likes, and go do that. But first you should suggest a place to have lunch. Then ask her what she likes.

So I assume your in a class together? Why dont u start out by asking her to study or work on an assignment together because often times 2 heads are better then 1. Then use that time to learn more about her as a person. Maybe after wards, you can ask her to get a meal, or do an activity u guys like. You seem to use the class as an icebreaker but its good to take the conversation outside the class. There's more opportunity to do that if you guys meet up outside of class or something to do with class. Do you guys have any friends in common because that often helps because you can use that friend to facilitate things.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, this is very common and I've seen and read alot of these issues, I've even been through them myself to pretty much understand the struggles but I have managed to eventually overcome them.



This sounds good, if you both really click just like that, there is a potiential chance that between the pair of you that it would turn out so well, I actually even remember that happening to me, pretty much the exact same thing.

I must say, it all worked out perfectly for us without any problems and we could totally see everything working out so I ended up making a thread if I should go for it and boy, the amount of people suggesting I should go for it and boy that worked.... I could suggest the same thing to you but personally I would wait for like a little while before I would start making a move... as you know, the ladies would prefer the men to start making the first move.



Of course it wouldn't feel right because you are not used to that type of talk and personally it would be best just being yourself than what other people do... You'd find being yourself gives you more of a success than it is being like everyone else, girls sometimes like guys to be different from any other men you see or hear.



Talk to the person who is very good with relationship advices who has actually BEEN through these experienced and knows alot about relationships but also another thing is to just go for the relationship and not worry about anything and just experience it for yourself and if something doesn't go right the first time, try something different and see if it goes right.

The common problems, I wouldn't be 100% sure about but there are so many ways to overcome these things, hence why there's WrongPlanet and all these other AS communities out there.

Glad you enjoyed this place.


- SBI.

I like the idea you have of bringing it out of class, because then it's out of the controlled leraning environment... I'm wondering how I would go about even that though... Somehow, just blurting out "Hey, do you wanna study together after class" seems really awkward, especially if others are listening... Like it's obvious that I have romantic intentions or something...

@superboyian thanks, glad to be here

What you said about the "clicking" was great... It's a good place to start and work forward from.

You can try working with her on an assignment. You can first ask her how her how shes doing on the assignment. Then ask, "Would you like to work on this together?" If she says yes, then u guys can set up a meet up outside of class and work on the assignment. If your too nervous to ask during class or dont get the opportunity to, do u have any of her contact info? Maybe u can ask thru email, send a text message, or facebook message(if u have 1). Email can be the most casual way to go about it.

That's all good to hear and I know this stuff because I went through this on a few occasions and I've noticed that when I click to someone, I've notice I tend to actually last for quite a good while or even longer.

Amazing feeling I must say.


- SBI.