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starygrrl
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21 Dec 2010, 10:54 am

For anybody who does not know OKcupid is a free dating site that uses a matching algorithm from user generated questions. It also has some of those crazy user generated quizes, and that is generally how the site initially gained popularity.

It is in my sincere belief that this site may be better for many people on the spectrum because unlike other sites matching algorithms there is no rejections. In addition the site does not string you along to keep you paying, since it is free. Unlike other free sites, there is a significant time investment that must be made in order to get the most from the site, so it often eliminates many spammers. In order to get effecient matches you are encouraged to ask over 300 questions! From my own experience the matching algorithm, while not 100%, is probably the most effective out there since it takes into account things that many paid sites do not such as sexual prefrences, political ideals, and social prefrences in a much more detailed fashion. Instead of ignoring the strange questions, it embraces them. It doesn't dismiss anybody or any question.

The reason why it is good for aspies is there is a higher quirk factor with OKcupid. I am not going to lie about this OKcupid is the festivus of dating sites, its the dating site for the rest of us. While there are fairly normal men and women who use it, I have also found it is a great site for people who accept people who fall outside the norm. This site does not ignore the needs of the minority for satisifying on the majority, rather it embraces the minority because it realizes many folks are very complex. It is a good way to find people who share your interests and accept you.

One last note, the site really works well for detail oriented people so in that way it is ideal for those on the spectrum. This is a site you kind of have to work for you and kind of does not work for people who are not apt to working it. In some ways it alienates many folks who would probably be bad matches for us anyway. I will admit many people I met and dated from the site were great matches for me, engineers, IT professionals, and individuals with graduate degrees. People who are detail oriented and intellectually curious.

The definitive guide for OKcupid has already been written by DCmerlin and can be found here, I suggest reading it first before moving forward:
http://community.livejournal.com/okcupi ... /3893.html


I should mention, I met my boyfriend through the site as well as many friends. I have a 96% match with him. I should mention there are people from wrong planet who have found my profile, but I am hesitant to share it in a public forum for privacy reasons. If you are wondering how we might match up PM me.

I am not saying OKcupid site is going to find you a partner. I just found that it has worked for me.



andriarose
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21 Dec 2010, 11:20 am

I completely agree with you. OkCupid's matching algorithms really cater to quirky people, and the more interests you highlight in your profile, the more quirks you can match! :D

I met a few people when I first started on the site, but it really didn't work out despite the fact that they were 90%+ matches... but then I realized that unless you answer lots of questions the matches aren't very good. I recently met someone though, a 97% match with both of us having answered 800+ questions, and when we finally got together in person it was like meeting some alternate-universe version of myself in a male body. :thumright: I have never met anyone in my life that I felt so comfortable with.

I know it won't work for everyone, but it's one of those things were effort is directly proportional to success. Answer questions. Lots and lots and lots of questions.



Hector
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21 Dec 2010, 12:01 pm

I might join next year, depending. I'm under no illusions, though. From what I can recall, men still outnumber women greatly.



superboyian
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21 Dec 2010, 12:26 pm

It's ghey yet I found that I got an email from them and they were telling me girls want me so badly.
It doesn't make any sense since I barely even use it. :lol:


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Hector
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21 Dec 2010, 12:45 pm

IIRC I think they take your photos and people rate your attractiveness on the basis of them. If the ratings are favourable then you get an e-mail to that effect.



MidlifeAspie
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21 Dec 2010, 2:10 pm

OKCupid isn't a "dating site" as much as it is an advertising venue.



Hector
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21 Dec 2010, 2:59 pm

For an advertising venue I know quite a few people who met eventual boyfriends/girlfriends through the site.



sluice
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21 Dec 2010, 3:05 pm

Algorithms are great for matching people with liked interests, but I don't think I would want to date me. I want someone that is going to challenge me and make me see the world through their eyes. I would be worried neither one of us would get anything from such a relationship besides a feeling of contentment. Still, it sounds like a great way to meet some new people in your area for friendships and to expand your social circle.



starygrrl
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21 Dec 2010, 3:12 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
OKCupid isn't a "dating site" as much as it is an advertising venue.

LMAO. It is ad supported, but the alternatives are honestly much worse. With that being said, even this site is an advertising venue, taking its ad supported. To financially sustain websites you either have to have advertising or charge a fee. I prefer ad supported. Paid dating sites are for suckers and there is more of an incentive for deception on those sites, because they do rely on paid subscriptions. The deception pretty much happens to the guys, since most women don't bother with paid sites.



MidlifeAspie
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21 Dec 2010, 3:43 pm

starygrrl wrote:
MidlifeAspie wrote:
OKCupid isn't a "dating site" as much as it is an advertising venue.

LMAO. It is ad supported, but the alternatives are honestly much worse. With that being said, even this site is an advertising venue, taking its ad supported. To financially sustain websites you either have to have advertising or charge a fee. I prefer ad supported. Paid dating sites are for suckers and there is more of an incentive for deception on those sites, because they do rely on paid subscriptions. The deception pretty much happens to the guys, since most women don't bother with paid sites.


I guess what I am saying is that this site's purpose is to provide an AS community and it does so by providing advertising space - while OKCupid's purpose is to expose people to advertising and it does so by offering a dating venue.



Jono
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21 Dec 2010, 4:07 pm

starygrrl wrote:
http://community.livejournal.com/okcupid_guide/3893.html.


Nice guide, although I've only read the first few chapters now. I'll look at it again tomorrow, since I want to find out why so many people seem to have a lack of interest in me on OKCupid.



starygrrl
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21 Dec 2010, 4:14 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
starygrrl wrote:
MidlifeAspie wrote:
OKCupid isn't a "dating site" as much as it is an advertising venue.

LMAO. It is ad supported, but the alternatives are honestly much worse. With that being said, even this site is an advertising venue, taking its ad supported. To financially sustain websites you either have to have advertising or charge a fee. I prefer ad supported. Paid dating sites are for suckers and there is more of an incentive for deception on those sites, because they do rely on paid subscriptions. The deception pretty much happens to the guys, since most women don't bother with paid sites.


I guess what I am saying is that this site's purpose is to provide an AS community and it does so by providing advertising space - while OKCupid's purpose is to expose people to advertising and it does so by offering a dating venue.


Honestly speaking, I used to site before it had ads. It was a dating site and a quiz site to start out with. The original purpose was a site to host user generated quizes. Its purpose was not to expose advertising.
There was a time when they debated making it a fee supported website only, but users were against it for the reasons I stated, people were sick of fee based dating sites and wanted something different. Making it ad supported and free to users was central to the evolution of the site, and something the early users of the site pushed for as an alternative to fee based dating sites. It is a dating site supported by ads, not the other way around.
Also the other overall purpose of the site is more data oriented in nature. OKcupid is very stat heavy, they tend to track alot of data, it is up there with google analytics in terms of data. But they specialize in relationship data, something google analytics does not do. It does provide information to people who do marketing, but also social scientists.
I have used the site from the very begining...so I am a bit more informed on these issues. The point was not to make money from ads and build a dating site around it. It was really to run a dating site based upon various percieved flaws in the dating sites that were around during that period, one being that the fee based system allowed for a greater degree of abuse.



MidlifeAspie
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21 Dec 2010, 4:24 pm

I haven't been on it in over 6 years so I certainly defer to your expertise and better informed opinion. I do though wonder if your (and others) long term experience with the site is actually the opposite of an endorsement. If the site "worked" users would have no need to return.



starygrrl
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21 Dec 2010, 4:33 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
I haven't been on it in over 6 years so I certainly defer to your expertise and better informed opinion. I do though wonder if your (and others) long term experience with the site is actually the opposite of an endorsement. If the site "worked" users would have no need to return.


It has fun quizes and I have an open relationship where I do date outside of my relationship on occasion. Not everybody is monogamous and it is a bit of a false assumption to think everybody is. I started using it for its fun quizes honestly before I even thought about using it for dating. The site is popular with people who are in open/poly relationships.



MidlifeAspie
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21 Dec 2010, 4:51 pm

starygrrl wrote:
The site is popular with people who are in open/poly relationships.


Sounds like an important point to make to the aspies who are using it looking for a mate. This kind of feeds into my belief that it is not the best venue for such a thing.



MidlifeAspie
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21 Dec 2010, 4:52 pm

starygrrl wrote:
Not everybody is monogamous and it is a bit of a false assumption to think everybody is.


I absolutely agree - but my understanding of AS is that those with this condition are actually more likely than the average person to be so.